


Firsts

by Daisy_PoisonPen



Series: A Short Policeman AU [5]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: ALL THE FIRSTS, Awkwardness, Connor has the best brother, Drunk Lieutenant Dad, Family Drama, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gen, M/M, More tags later, Romance, awkward meeting the family, it's so cute, super short stories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2019-08-05 11:59:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 41,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16367390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_PoisonPen/pseuds/Daisy_PoisonPen
Summary: the first time that Connor and Gavin...





	1. ...held hands

Connor is upset. He’s always down these days, but today, Gavin notes that his usual politeness (which comes with a numb sort of even tone when he’s upset) is replaced with sharp words matched with a downright hostile tone of voice. Gavin meets his eyes, questioning him. Connor just mutters, “leave me alone, Gav,” and slams his locker shut, shoving past everyone without looking back.

Gavin isn’t really hurt as much as he is confused. They’ve been spending almost every minute together since he broke up with Markus (again) and Gavin has made sure to avoid the topic unless Connor brings it up--which only has done once or twice. It’s fine by him, to be honest.

Getting over heartbreak isn’t something that Gavin really understands, although he has had his fair share of bad breakups over the years, and those also stung long after they had ended. He decides to let Connor have his bad mood. He broods and stares at the rivulets of rain mixing with tiny dots of ice on the glass, watching as they paint wild, directionless stripes on the car window and mirror. Occasionally, he heaves a tired sigh, and the glass turns frosty white because of his breath. When his breath fades away, he looks like the glass took away a part of his soul.

Gavin doesn’t say much. Sometimes he plays low music, and sometimes he turns the radio off. He does stop at the convenience store and grab Connor coffee, donuts, and those awful spicy chips he likes so much.

Connor just smiles his thanks, but doesn’t say anything. Actually, after that, his mood turns worse.

At the end of the day, Connor doesn’t come home with him, mumbling about going home for once. Gavin sighs. “I get that you need space,” he says tiredly. “I’m always here if you want me.”

Connor just looks frustrated. “I _know_ ,” he says petulantly.

“Whatever,” Gavin shrugs. Connor’s attitude is finally starting to get hurtful.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Sure,” Gavin answers, deflated.

* * *

 

He’s only been home for an hour when he picks up his jacket and walks out again. Hurtful or not, something is obviously wrong with his friend, and the least he can do is check up on him.

Only, Connor isn’t in his apartment.

Gavin is crushed.

 _Of course,_ he muses angrily, throwing himself back into his car and slamming it shut. _Of course he couldn’t stay away. Fucking toxic motherfucker still finding ways to text him after he blocked all his contact information! Still crying that he misses him, that he won’t fuck up again—it’s the same bullshit all men say when they want to schmooze their way back into their ex’s pants, regardless of who they say it to. What do you want to bet that he’s balls deep in Markus’s bullshit all over again?_

_Why wasn’t I enough?_

That question breaks him a little bit, but he shoves it out of his mind before he ends up completely shattered.

 _I swear to God, Gavin, you’re done playing the nice guy waiting in the wings,_ he tells himself. _You waited and you were patient, and you treated him like a goddamn king. If Connor wants this bullshit-ass excuse of a relationship you’re gonna have to move right along._

But he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to move on, he wants Connor to stop pining over that stupid pretty boy and _love_ him.

He starts driving home telling himself that Connor could be anywhere, he might not be with the pretty boy, he might be somewhere else. He knows he’s just making excuses, but he doesn’t care. Realistically, Connor doesn’t answer to him, and therefore doesn’t always tell him where he goes. He could be with his friends, or over at his father’s. His father is a constant source of stress for him, so it’s really possible that he’s dealing with something serious there that he hasn’t been able to talk about.

That thought eases his anger a little bit, but not as much as he would like. He doesn't want Connor to be with anyone but  _him!_ But he doesn't want Connor to be suffering and the selfish part of him is warring with his rational part, trying to determine which one is worse. if he's somewhere with his dad, whatever he is dealing with is something Gavin can definitely comfort him with. If he's with his friends, or with some guy, or with the stupid pretty boy again, he's getting all the comfort he needs and leaving Gavin in the dust.

"I just want you to stop being sad, Connor," he decides in a whisper. Even though he knows Connor can't hear, he childishly tells himself that Connor heard this and will let him in... sometime.

He drives.

* * *

 

Today is Friday. Connor ends the day with yet another tired sigh. There are tired bags under his eyes, and tired lines on his tired forehead and along his tired mouth. _Tired, tired, tired._

On the bright side, at least Gavin knows that Connor isn’t having sex with pretty boy again—his mood would have improved at least a little bit. No one on earth is this morose after sex. Connor shoves his locker closed and gets ready to go. They’re the last ones off, which means they have the locker room to themselves.

Gavin will not watch this in silence for another second. “Connor.”

“Hmm.”

“Will you fucking tell me what is going on?”

He sighs another tired sigh. “No,” he says simply.

“Why the fuck not? You’re cranky and exhausted, you’re even sadder than usual, you won’t hang out, and you’re basically a ghost when we’re working.”

“Honestly, Gav, I—”

“Alright look, here’s the deal. Either you and I are gonna take some days off so you can get your shit together, or you’re going to tell me what the fuck is up your ass so we can do something about it. You working like this, right now,” Gavin says, using his index finger to motion at Connor’s exhausted, angry demeanor, “is going to screw us over sooner, rather than later.”

Connor’s shoulders sag. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I… will try to be more present by Monday.”

“Not good enough,” Gavin snaps.

“What do you want from me, Gavin?! Why does every fucking body want something from me right now? Why can’t I just be left the fuck in peace?” by the end of the short tirade, Connor's voice is so loud that it echoes off the lockers and the cinderblock walls covered in glue-y, sickly colored paint.

“Whoa, hey!" Gavin yells back, "fuck you, the only thing I want is for you to be okay.”

“I’m fucking _fine,_ ” Connor hisses. His face is red and his eyes are glassy, which is a blaring siren that he is not, in fact, fine or alright, or any other lie he tries to spew about his condition.

Gavin crosses his arms and waits.

“I’m great, except for my fucking—”

“What? Tell me, Connor, it’s okay.”

“It’s…” he throws himself onto the bench that lines the space in front of the lockers, his shoulders hunched with sadness. “My… dad,” he whispers finally. “We, um… I went to see him, and he was just _drunk_ off his ass, and we fought, and… he told me not to come back, okay? He kicked me out and he wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls.” Tears track down his face. “My dad is done with me,” he whispers. “He doesn’t… he doesn’t want me around anymore.”

Gavin rubs his face, letting out an annoyed sigh. He doesn't know Connor's father except a few times sharing the waiting room in the hospital back when Connor got shot. The man always looks a thousand times more exhausted than he's ever seen Connor look--today included. He didn't reek of booze on one of those days, the first one, but every day after that, he smelled like a shitty bar. Connor has mentioned in passing that his father goes through bouts of severe depression and alcoholism, and that most of the time he's in therapy or in AA meetings, although Gavin honestly doubts that those things help any. He's tired of seeing the man's downswings take Connor with him.

“Honestly, Connor, fuck him.”

“W-what?”

“He doesn’t just get to pull you in with the whole getting sober song and dance and then just ruin you whenever he feels like it, okay? Believe me, I’ve seen it all before.”

“How do you mean?”

“I mean, Connor, that addicts don’t change. Your father is an alcoholic and he’s not going to quit that shit no matter how many meetings you take him to. He just uses them to bring you in and he’s going to keep shutting you out when he falls off the wagon.”

“What the fuck do you know about my dad?” Connor hisses, defensive.

Gavin shrugs. “I don’t, but I know about mine. Can we get the fuck out of here?”

Connor recoils like he’s been shot. “I… Gav?”

“We’ll talk about it,” Gavin says, “sometime. But for now, you just need to know that you don’t have to go down with him every time he fucks up. Let me take you home where I can spoil you, goddammit.”

Connor finally stops frowning and wipes his tears with his sleeve. He reaches up for Gavin’s hand, which he’s holding out expectantly.

Gavin pulls him to his feet with a smile.

Connor decides that he likes this. Neither of them make a move to let go until they reach Gavin’s car, and then Connor clutches his hand again. It’s a lifeline in the way that Gavin is always a lifeline. He’s always… the same. Matter-of-fact, blunt, truthful. Steady. Gavin is a buoy in a raging storm. “Thank you,” Connor whispers.

Gavin squeezes his fingers. “Any time.”

“I’m… sorry for my attitude this week, I took my problems out on you, and you didn’t deserve that.”

Gavin shrugs. “Maybe instead of taking them out on me, next time just tell me. I promise I can handle it.”

Connor flushes. “I will. I... I wish that I'd told you sooner. It won't happen again, I'm sorry. I never want you to feel unsafe at work again.”

"I know." Gavin smiles over at him after making a left turn. “It’s forgotten.”

“Really…?”

“Sure.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“I just… am not used to things being over that quickly, that’s all.”

Gavin doesn’t say anything until he’s parked in his spot in his building’s garage. “Hey, um… that won’t be a thing with me. I used to spend a lot of time holding on to things that made me bitter. In the end the only person they made toxic was me. I had to learn how to make myself let go of everything. Now, I just want to hold on to the good things, and you’re a good thing, Connor. The very best.”

Connor smiles shyly. When they get out of the car, he takes Gavin’s hand again. Gavin winks. “Hey, you like this don’t you?”

Connor turns pink again, and Gavin loves it. “It feels good,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, let me know if you guys want angsty #DrunkLieutenantDad drama, because I'm thinking about making that it's own thing in this series.
> 
> here's me working off more writer's block. Gavin and Connor are pissed that I'm just using them until I get back to my normal chapter stuff.
> 
> let me know what you think and if you see any errors or things that need clarification. y'all rock  
> <3Daisy


	2. ...kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time that Connor and Gavin...

On the screen, a Muto is tearing through the Las Vegas strip. A firefighter pushes through a hotel room door only to discover bright daylight, crumbling cement and glass from the lavish hotel that once stood there, and empty space for several stories. Connor’s eyes always widen a little bit when he sees this like he wasn’t expecting it, even though he knows the movie by heart.

It’s only a couple of scenes later when they cut to a newsreel of the Muto stumbling into the desert and leaving wreckage in its wake, a news anchor explaining the devastation in detail.

Connor pulls himself close(r) to Gavin, sighing contentedly into his shoulder. Gavin rests his arm around Connor’s shoulders, rubbing his arm after a moment. It’s a question, one that Gavin normally asks when Connor sighs. _Are you alright?_ Connor looks up and smiles in response, and is met with a cheesy wink that breaks his smile into a chuckle and a round of name-calling.

“Dork,” he laughs.

“Shut it, I’m not a dork, buttmunch,” is Gavin’s mature response.

“Buttmunch? Did I just time travel back to third grade? Are we in the twilight zone? I wouldn’t be in third grade with you anywhere else.”

“Asshole! I wasn't that bad a third grader.”

“I was a perfect third grader.”

“Perfect angel of a third grader, I’m sure,” Gavin bites back.

“And if I had to fuck up one or two little kids that messed with my brother, the teachers never knew about it,” Connor adds innocently.

“Yep, perfect angel third-grader,” Gavin reiterates. “The little shit that had all the kids afraid for their lives.”

“It paid off when I stopped growing in high school and Kenny shot up like a fucking weed on steroids.”

“Mostly the steroids part.”

Connor shrugs. Gavin isn’t wrong. Connor is exactly six feet tall and reached his peak height by his freshman or sophomore year, but his younger brother is a fucking giant at six feet and five inches tall and grew those five inches in a massive growth spurt his junior year.

He leans into Gavin again, and Connor can feel how he releases tension in his back and shoulders with a long, silent exhale. Gavin rubs his arm again, but this time, it’s means, ‘ _I’m glad you’re here.’_

Things are changing between them. Connor knows it. He used to feel conflicted—he just broke up with someone, why would he try to get right into another relationship? But Gavin’s rough honesty with a gentle touch always disarms him. Gavin’s kind of humor is relatable. His strength keeps Connor grounded when they work. Connor _admires_ the person that Gavin is, and he enjoys Gavin’s friendship and… well, he loves that Gavin likes to give him things, moments like this or other relaxing get-togethers.

He lets himself bask in Gavin’s attention, because he isn’t used to it. He has to admit, it disarms him as well. Oddly enough, he doesn’t _feel_ disarmed, or otherwise naked or vulnerable with Gavin. He just feels safe. It’s this realization that made him stop caring about how long it’s been since he stopped dating Markus.

He was conflicted about that too, at first. He figured he was kind of a slut for cuddling up to some other dude without giving a fuck about the fact that he just broke up with someone. But the truth is, Gavin keeps giving him unconditional support and _love,_ and he doesn’t think he’s had that with anyone except for his brother. He drinks it up like a plant that hasn’t been watered in years.

Gavin _loves_ him.

Gavin loves _him_.

What does it matter about how far in the past his previous relationship is? Does anyone honestly give a fuck (and if they do, would they dare bring it up where Gavin would find out about it? Because honestly, Gav would probably punch someone for talking any shit)?

He doesn’t have to worry about any of that. He just has to let this happen. He likes that this is as easy as breathing, no fuss. Just two friends and work partners that fell for each other. He’s tired of making this so complicated in his own mind, when it really isn’t complicated at all. It’s as simple as accepting the gift that is _Gavin_. Connor doesn’t want to keep him waiting anymore.

The next time Gavin opens his lips to say something snarky, which probably would have ended in ‘motherfucker’ or ‘ wheezing bag of dick tips’ (which he stole from Deadpool) or something, Connor pulls himself up on his knees and leans over Gavin, stopping his words with his own lips. Gavin freezes, his eyes wide with surprise before they close. He inhales sharply, a little gasp that ends in a soft moan and makes Connor feel more than a little bit confident. He plants himself in Gavin’s lap, smiling against his mouth when Gavin’s hands land tentatively on his back, rubbing up and down until they settle on his ass.

Gavin’s mouth is warm, gentle. His lips suck at Connor’s, their mingled breaths not quite cooling on the damp flesh of their lips, but blowing just enough to give them both chills. Gavin’s tongue works along his teeth, impatiently searching out Connor’s tongue. When they meet, Connor can’t help himself, he grinds himself into Gavin’s lap with a quiet moan.

Gavin can’t tell if he’s getting aroused or if he just feels completely elated, but when Connor rolls his hips against him, he feels his brain melt into incoherent goo. He’s been wondering what this moment would be like for years. He’s pictured how it would happen: right here on the couch, where it could potentially evolve into more. Walking out of the precinct, maybe, or over one of their pizza and movie nights, where Gavin would reach out and wipe crumbs and sauce away from Connor’s face, feeling his lips under his fingers and not being able to resist.

He doesn’t count the day he told Connor about his feelings as their first kiss--in fact, he spends a lot of mental energy blocking that memory. The kiss had been short and intense, and afterwards, Connor bolted and Gavin cried. Not that Gavin blames him, he was still with the pretty boy back then, although Gavin could tell he was losing any hope in that working out. Still, that kiss isn’t like this.

He can feel Connor’s passion for life sparking between their tongues and his gentle kindness in his touch, feel the strength in his muscles under his warm skin. He can taste Connor’s affection on his lips, taste his strength and his sweetness. He can hear Connor’s desire in his breaths, and sense his decision in the thudding of his pulse. Even with his eyes closed, he feels like he can see Connor’s walls finally crumbling, revealing the bright light of his soul.

He’s never kissed someone and felt the entirety of who that person is before, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever have enough of that feeling.

When they pull apart, Gavin’s breaths are heaving. “Wow,” he finally says, for lack of something better coming to his kiss-addled brain.

Then he arches an eyebrow, his left hand squeezing a little at Connor’s buttcheek, still. “So it’s like that, huh? You think that your magical kissing powers can be used to just shut my mouth?” His voice still sounds rough and breathless.

“Or put it to better use,” Connor replies cheekily. Gavin’s only answer is to take Connor’s lips with his again.

Connor forgets all about Godzilla crushing the fuck out of San Francisco and lets himself be glad that it won’t be the last time he can kiss Gavin like this. Gavin kisses him like he is precious, but not breakable. He touches him like he is rare and beautiful, and not damaged. Gavin _moves_ with him like they are two parts of the same impossibly rare art.

Connor thinks that that is exactly what they are, because that is how Gavin expresses his affection. He decides that every time they kiss, it will be a sincere thank-you for the way Gavin loves him.

Besides, he did successfully shut Gavin up, and he will always take that as a win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm proud of this. let me know how it went <3


	3. ... get in a fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

The day started out _normal._ It had felt like nothing could go wrong.

They are ecstatic still, only a few weeks into their new relationship, and they still search for every opportunity to sneak in a kiss or a butt-squeeze. Gavin is more fond of the secret butt-squeeze, which is discreet and quick, but always makes Connor flush to the roots of his hair.

Connor likes to yank him into a corner or hide in the parking lot and kiss him senseless, leaving him shocked, confused, and probably more than a little bit turned on. Connor always does this cute little strut as he walks away, pretending to be casual but secretly taunting Gavin’s dazed state.

Today, before work, Gavin wants to talk to him about precisely this. Gavin swears, he’ll swear on anything Connor wants, he _isn’t_ afraid of his coworkers knowing his sexual orientation, he isn’t worried about being somehow ashamed of Connor. With all of that said, it can absolutely _not_ get around that he and Connor are together. _Never._

There are work-related reasons for this; Gavin is older than him and technically outranks him, being a Police Corporal where as Connor is still an Officer. They would have to transfer partners, someone ending up in a different precinct. Also, he’d face probably losing his job for dating someone technically under his command. Internal Affairs would get involved… that is a nightmare he doesn’t want to live through.

So, he picks Connor up at his apartment and buys him breakfast. Connor is shaking his ass in his seat to some song (probably by beyonce) and smiling brightly. Gavin allows himself a kiss at a red light only because Connor is so fucking excited about the day for no reason he can tell, other than just being with his best-friend-turned-boyfriend- for days on end.

It usually _is_ days on end, too. Neither of the two can seem to separate from the other, and so Gavin ends up in Connor’s apartment, or Connor ends up in his, and they watch movies (read: make out when the movie gets boring) until they fall asleep and then drive to the other’s apartment in the morning so that that person can shower and get dressed for the day.

They quickly decide that that is bullshit, and Connor clears a section in his closet for Gavin to hang his things, and Gavin does the same in his apartment. Soon, they have extra clothes in each other’s house for moments such as these. Alas, Connor’s run out, and so today he has to go home before work.

He doesn’t turn off the car when they park in the employee parking of the precinct, and Connor frowns in confusion. “Is… everything okay?”

“Sure, babe,” Gavin says easily. “But there is something we should talk about.”

“What’s that?”

“Work, you know? And us.”

Connor smiles shyly. “Yeah?”

“You’re adorable,” Gavin laughs. “Look, the thing is, people can’t know that we’re together here.”

Connor’s smile drops like he’s just witnessed someone’s death. “W-what do you mean?”

“Con-look, please don’t take this the wrong way. None of us here are cops because of our lack of observation skills, you know? If people start seeing us doing too much, you know? They’re going to ask questions or spread rumors.”

Connor’s eyes are chilly. “And you don’t want it to get around that you’re with me.”

“No, Connor. I don’t want it to get around that _you’re_ with _me._ I wish you would hear the dumb shit that fucking Collins says when you’re not around, calling you Queer Connie and a bunch of other shit--”

“Oh, so you don’t want the class bully to start making fun of you because of me?”

Gavin backpedals, confused at the sudden anger in Connor’s tone, and the hurt in his eyes. “Fuck--No, Connor! That’s not it. Look--”

“Well what is it, then?” Connor asks, his voice low and inflectionless.

“I don’t want people to make any more fun of you! I don’t want everyone to see you as some kind of slut, and I definitely don’t want to deal with Sarge if _she_ finds out about us. It could literally ruin both of our careers. I’m just trying to protect you. I don’t want you to get hurt or your career to be ruined.”

“And yourself,” Connor says quietly, his voice far away. Then he whispers, “ You don’t want _your_ career to be ruined. Of course,” he laughs bitterly. “I don’t know why I thought this would be any different.”

Gavin gapes at him. He almost stops being able to see, his chest pounding from the jolt and his limbs kind of numb. Then, _red_ crowds his vision. “Honestly, how the _fuck_ dare you say something like that? How the _fuck_ dare you compare me to _him?_ I am always here, I was always here when _he wasn’t._ Fuck you, Connor, for saying that shit. Literally fuck you.”

He gets out of the car and slams the door shut before Connor can keep butchering his heart or his patience.

* * *

 

Connor sits in the car and _seethes._

Fucking of _course_ he gives in and decides to trust someone who is supposed to be his best friend with his _heart,_ with his recently shattered-but-put-back-together-with-glue-and-duct-tape heart, only to find out that his own best friend doesn’t want to be seen with him.

 _I won’t cry,_ he tells himself sternly, but his eyes feel hot, angry, and wet, and they blur once or twice. _Stop fucking crying. Stop it._

But he can’t. He sits in the car and watches the tape peel and the glue come undone on cracks he didn’t even know he had.

_“Are you sure you don’t want me to come, Markus?”_

_Markus sighed. “No, I… it’s not that I don’t want you to come, Connor, it’s that I know you’d be bored if you did.”_

_“Being bored with you is better than being bored here by myself.”_

_“Okay well… I mean, call some of your friends, then. Won’t they hang out?”_

_“Sure,” Connor said, deflated._

_“Good,” Markus nods, smiling and kissing his temple. “It’ll be better that way. Please don’t be upset. I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”_

Connor pulls his feet onto the seat and wraps his arms around his knees, crying into them in earnest.

* * *

 

The patrol is awkwardly silent. Neither of them says much of anything. Connor avoids his gaze and Gavin doesn’t attempt to lighten the mood at all. They drive around in silence for most of the day, radioing their lunch break but only picking at their food.

When Gavin drops Connor off at his apartment, neither of them attempts to say goodbye.

Gavin drives home, confused and angry. What the fuck could have set Connor off about what he said? He _knows_ that everything Gavin said is true--especially about the work rules.

Gavin does what any millennial couple does when they fight, he parks the car in his garage and sends an angry paragraph text.

_You know the work rules. I honestly don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t know where you got the idea that I want to hide you. I have fucking wanted to be with you for years, Connor. Literal actual fucking years. If you think that now that I’ve had you with me that I would somehow be ashamed or afraid of some dumb work idiots *for myself*  I don’t know what to tell you except you’re fucking wrong. I’m not that kind of asshole._

He gets in the elevator to his apartment which is on the sixth floor. He locks it behind him and starts to clean up from their night before. He stuffs the pizza boxes into the recycling bin along with the beer bottles and soda cans. He sweeps and vacuums up the crumbs that have fallen on the couch and on the floor, leaving his living room spotless.

Furious, he texts again. _I fucking spend all my time with you! How the fuck could you think I don’t want to be with you?! I’m at home cleaning up after our movie night and you have space in my fucking closet. I don’t get it._

He sets the dishwasher, his last task of the evening before finally going to bed. He gets in the shower and lets the water fall over his his head, using the burn of the shampoo as an excuse for his sudden tears.

Fuck Connor for being the only reason he’s cried since he left college. Honestly, every time he sheds a tear these days it has to do with Connor. When Connor got shot after that one argument, when Connor-- _fuck!_

When Connor went back to the ex with the multi-colored eyes, Markus. _Fuck Markus,_ he thinks to himself as he towels off.

He crawls into his bed and the pillow and the fucking sheets smell like Connor, and that makes him angry and sad all over again.

_You’re all over my apartment. My pillow smells like your shampoo._

Afraid that he hasn’t gotten any responses at all, he sends another long text.

_Connor--don’t shut me out. Will you please say anything? Cuss me out if you want to. The whole point of all of this was that I don’t want to lose you! God, do you really think I’m ashamed of you? You’re the most important person in my life. You’re my best friend! You know everything about me, down to my favorite insults and my favorite food._

Minutes pass in the dark. Hours drag him back to the couch, flicking the tv on to the news station. He doesn’t get any answers. The 11 news comes on, and then the night talk shows. He watches them with disinterest. No amount of comedy will erase the shittiness of the day he had.

 _I would never try to hide you from my life, you make up most of it,_ he sends.

The night talk shows give way to paid programming and stupid

 _Please don’t leave me_ is the last text he sends at 2:47am.

* * *

 

Connor sits. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t make a sound. He doesn’t turn on the lights. He doesn’t get up to eat dinner. He shut his phone off hours ago because seeing Gavin’s name (now with the addition of kissy face and yellow heart emojis) on his phone gives him contradicting emotions.

It still makes him giddy. Seeing the emoticons next to Gavin’s name makes his chest seize and his stomach flutter. Heat always finds its way into his cheeks. This reaction is one that he’s had almost every day since the first time Gavin kissed him back when he was still with Markus. The crush spread from his lungs and into his bones and into his blood, into his brain, and into his liver and into his pancreas, and he’s pretty sure when he sees Gavin’s name that he’s going to die from this infatuation any minute now.

He also feels angry. More than once, he picked up his phone with the intention of throwing it, but decided against it because he doesn’t want the hassle of filing an insurance claim or having to buy a new one himself.

He feels depressed. It’s not fair that someone that has such an intense effect on his emotions and that he has to share all of his days with could be so cold about not wanting anyone to know about their feelings for each other, or that they’ve been seeing each other.

 _You’re an idiot,_ Connor tells himself. _You’re stupid for falling for this again. You’re stupid for letting yourself get wrapped in someone’s life that isn’t just as wrapped up in yours._

He doesn’t realize when he falls asleep. He only wakes up still curled around a cushion on his couch, his forehead having two giant red circles from where he rested them on his knees.

His neck hurts from the angle, and he groans as he drags himself into the shower. When he sees the red glow in his bedroom is when he realizes the time.

He showers slowly, feeling intensely exactly how alone he is.  _Gavin is still his best friend._ Their friendship is what shines the most at work, what makes them the best partners. They vibe together, they sync. Gavin is the Zig to his Zag, he always has been, even when they hated each other. It was way too easy to fall for him.

_And it's too hard to let him go._

He feels even more like an idiot now than he did a few hours ago. Gavin has the right to be anxious about this, about his career. he should ask for a transfer and let Gavin go his way professionally. He  _knows_ this, and so does Gavin, but for once, he wants to be selfish and keep Gavin with him all the time. To do that, he also know that he'll have to concede, and keep his relationship with Gavin a secret in the precinct. He knows he'll have to explain the origin of this insecurity of his, but for now all he wants is the security that it will still work out.

He gets out of the shower and boots his phone.

He has several messages from Gavin and two from Kenny. He doesn’t read any of Gavin’s messages (he's afraid to see what they say), but he does send one.

_Come over?_

* * *

 

At 2:49 Gavin flips over his phone and sighs with relief.

 _On my way,_ he answers.


	4. ... make up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

Connor can’t stop reading the messages over and over.

_You know the work rules. I honestly don’t want to hurt you, and I don’t know where you got the idea that I want to hide you. I have fucking wanted to be with you for years, Connor. Literal actual fucking years. If you think that now that I’ve had you with me that I would somehow be ashamed or afraid of some dumb work idiots *for myself*  I don’t know what to tell you except you’re fucking wrong._

_I’m not that kind of asshole._

_I fucking spend all my time with you! How the fuck could you think I don’t want to be with you?! I’m at home cleaning up after our movie night and you have space in my fucking closet. I don’t get it._

_You’re all over my apartment. My pillow smells like your shampoo._

_Connor—don’t shut me out. Will you please say anything? Cuss me out if you want to. The whole point of all of this was that I don’t want to lose you! God, do you really think I’m ashamed of you? You’re the most important person in my life. You’re my best friend! You know everything about me, down to my favorite insults and my favorite food._

_I would never try to hide you from my life, you make up most of it_

_Please don’t leave me_

Connor reads them until he memorizes them. Now that he’s started, he can’t stop.

_My pillows smell like your shampoo_

_Don’t shut me out_

_Please don’t leave me_

_I’m not that kind of asshole_

He feels so stupid. _Of course_ he knows the work rules. if he and Gavin get found out together, Gavin could lose his rank or even his job. Connor would lose his dream of being a police officer, protecting and serving in Detroit and following in his father’s footsteps. Gavin would lose his entire future.

How could he have been so selfish? So much is at stake and Connor has been too busy feeling like a teenager in love that he hasn’t thought about the consequences.

_But Markus…_

He didn't realize how deeply Markus had cut him. It happened often that his ex-boyfriend would cancel their time together or leave him at home for something with his friends or colleagues. Excuses like “you and my friends are too different” or “it’s boring, I don’t want you to be bored” or even worse, “I just want to keep you safe and happy” were very common. Connor never felt safe ir happy. In fact, he still feels raw.

Admitting to himself that he’s still not over Markus, that he’s _afraid_ still, is almost breaking him, but this incident shows it to him with painful accuracy. He knows that he’s going to have to tell Gavin this, and that it could hurt them or even end them.

And just as painfully, he realizes that he wants, needs, maybe even loves Gavin more than he ever did with Markus. His fear compounds itself into a painful marble in his throat.

* * *

 

Gavin drives in a daze. He didn't expect this to go so crazy. He is still reeling from the day's turn of events. How had they gone from dancing in their seats on the way to work to a colossal blowout?

He feels drained. It's the same kind of emotional drain he felt after some of his previous break ups, and that frightens him more than he can utter even in his mind.

_I just had him, and now I'm losing him?_

_I don't want to lose him._

He drives faster, his foot tensing on the gas. He tells himself that he's going to fight to save this even if Connor spends the next year blaming him, and then he frowns at himself, angry.  
  
"You're not desperate," he tells himself. Then he snorts. "You've only been in love with this guy since you got to know him. Fuck sakes," he mutters. "What the hell am I going to do?"

There's not really an answer, but by the time he pulls up to Connor's apartment building, all he wants to do is throw his arms around the younger man and never let him go.

* * *

 

The light tap on the door startles him and he jumps, pulling his finger out of his mouth where he’d been ruining his nail. It’s sore when he bends his finger.

Gavin doesn’t waste any time. He wraps Connor in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “Connor, _fuck_ —I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m _sorry,_ Darlin’. I’m so sorry.”

Connor shakes his head, pulling himself as impossibly close as he can, reveling in the warmth of Gavin’s arms, who sighs into his hair in relief. “ _You_ didn't hurt me, Gavin,” Connor admits. “I-I… I was already hurt, and scared, and I just _couldn’t_ understand…”

“Why don’t you tell me, Darlin’? Tell me why you’re hurt. Let me help you.”

Connor leads him by the hand to the couch, but Gavin stops once or twice to hit a hallway light or a lamp. When they sit down, Gavin can’t help himself, he pulls Connor tight against him again.

He listens to Connor’s voice, a raspy, tearful whisper as he explains why he reacted so poorly to the conversation, and that he’s still afraid to end up hurt like he did with Markus. “I know the rules. I know you’re risking everything to be with me, and I… I swear I’m not ungrateful. I didn’t think something like this would… would…”

“Trigger you?” Gavin fills in.

“Sure that’s probably an accurate way to put it. Gav… we broke up so recently… and I mean, I’m happy with you, I really am… I don’t want you think—”

“Tell me one thing, Connor.”

“Anything,” Connor whispers, curling against him.

“If you could go back to him right now, would you?”

Connor is pleasantly surprised that he can answer without hesitation. “I only want to be with you, going forward. I would never go back.”

Gavin nods, relieved. “Then will you promise me something? Promise me that if there’s something like this again, something that scares you or triggers you or causes you pain, please tell me. Please… don’t accuse me like that again. It honestly sucks.”

"I don't like to fight." Connor pouts, pulling himself against his boyfriend again.

"It sucks," Gavin agrees with a huff of laughter.

Connor nods, straightening and meeting Gavin’s eyes. He marvels at the color of them, warm light brown with flecks of darker brown and bright, golden honey. “I promise, Gav. I won't accuse you like that again. I wish I hadn’t been so quick to attack. I promise to hear you out and try not to get defensive. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Gavin smiles, squeezing him in his arms. “It’s gonna be okay now, Darlin’. Thank you for being honest with me about your feelings. And, I’m sorry that I made you think I could possibly not want to show you off. If I could, I’d shout it from the rooftops.”

“Have you really wanted to be with me for years?”

“Since the first year we were partners.”

Connor gapes at him, but Gavin leans in, pressing their foreheads together and making Connor give a tiny, pleasured sigh.

“Connor?”

“Gavin?”

“Never, ever doubt that you are precious to me. As a partner, as a friend, and as the person I want to give all of my love and affection to.”

Connor doesn’t answer, but he does take Gavin’s lips in a soft, happy kiss.


	5. ... meet the parents (part 1-Connor's Dad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Spoiler Alert* it doesn't go as planned.

Besides Kenny, they hadn’t told any immediate family members about their relationship. With Lieutenant Anderson unable to get off his current binge, Connor had neglected to tell him accidentally-on-purpose and Gavin was fine with that.

Still, Connor wants to share his family with Gavin, and it will make things easier later in the year when the holidays come.

“I’m… telling my dad today,” Connor says out of the blue. “I mean, about us.”

Gavin feels anxious all of a sudden, not just because Lieutenant Anderson could literally ruin him if he fucks this up with Connor, but because this is important to Connor and his father might end up making this hard. “Have you… have you talked to him lately?”

“Um, oh yeah, every day. Just… not about us, you know? Or me, even.”

“Well then what the fuck do you talk about?”

“He’s struggling with drinking during the day. If he gets busted drinking or drunk at work…”

“Wow,” Gavin says slowly. “Are you… are you sure you want to do this?”

Connor nods, and his brown eyes sparkle with so much love and excitement that Gavin’s chest aches. “Of course! I want him to know about us and everything you’ve done for me. Besides, he spent a lot of our conversations hinting that I should talk to you so…”

Gavin’s chest releases and he cackles. “Did he?! He told me that I was an idiot once. He knew how I felt about you… you know, right after I told you.” He feels his cheeks heat. 

“Aww—Gav…”

“Hey, it’s okay now.” He clears his throat. “Either way, your dad is quite the matchmaker isn’t he?”

“I guess,” Connor grins. “He just wanted me to be happy, I know it.” He sounds hopeful now. “Then this is going to go better than I thought!”

Gavin’s heart sinks all over again.

* * *

 

Gavin’s chest hasn’t released since he got in the car. He can  _ feel  _ that something is going to go wrong tonight, but he doesn’t know what, and it has him on high alert, the hair on his arms raised like tiny trouble-detecting satellites.

Connor is tense too, but he’s not as anxious as Gavin. “I just hope that things don’t change now that I’m actually with you, you know? I mean he was obviously okay with us getting together before if he talked to you about it so bluntly--”

“He called me an idiot,” Gavin reiterates with a chuckle, “for not asking you out.”

“Right. Now I hope he doesn’t think this is a mistake.”

Gavin isn’t lying when he says, “I’m sure that won’t be an issue.”

When he parks in front of the house, the eerie feeling intensifies. The porch light is off, the only one off on the entire block, and there are no lights except the blue glow of a television. 

Connor frowns. “He’s not home? But…” his face falls. “I hope he didn’t forget.”

“Why don’t we go knock and check. Maybe he’s in there and just dozed off watching tv or something. Looks like that’s possible.”

Connor sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly, shaking out his hands. “Sure, you’re right,” he sighs. “Let’s just go before I--”

“Hold it,” Gavin says, grabbing his hand before he can duck out of the car. “Come here.” When Connor sighs and meets his eyes he says, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Connor’s shoulders slump and he nods, offering a half smile. “I know.”

* * *

 

Connor is _panicking_. He can’t find the spare which his father always keeps under one of the cracked stones of the walkway leading to the front door. His father hasn’t answered, but a quick check revealed his car parked slightly down the road. And his kitchen light spilling into the meager back yard.

“I should try calling,” he mumbles under his breath, still kneeling in the middle of the walkway with his fingers covered in dirt. “I should ring the house maybe he’s there…”

“Connor--hey Darlin’ maybe he’s not home, maybe he got here and then took off again.”

“No, no, this isn’t… that’s not right he wouldn’t leave me hanging like that, not on a day like this--”

“Hey listen, it’s no big deal. If he went out somewhere, maybe call him and see if we can catch up, grab dinner at a restaurant instead.”

Connor nods. “Right, maybe that… there’s a bar that’s right across from this really good burger joint, and he goes there all the time maybe he went there to eat so he could get a drink after.”

Gavin nods reasonably, trying to stay calm for his boyfriend’s sake. “Yeah, maybe. Why don’t you call his cell again?”

Connor does this, and this time he gets an answer, although it’s not the voice he expected. “Hey Anderson?”

“Oh God, Jimmy?”

“Hey it’s good you called. Listen, you need to come get your old man out of my bar before I have to ban him.”

Bile rises in Connor’s throat. “What now?” he asks faintly.

“He’s piss drunk and fucking yelling at other patrons. I don’t want to get him into any trouble. He’s a cop, you’re a cop, there are a lot of cops that live in this neighborhood and we try not to tangle with them too much, you understand.”

“Of course… I’m… I’m coming.” He is forcing back tears when he looks up at Gavin. “His friend Jimmy… owns that bar. He said that if I don’t come get him he’s going to ban my dad from his bar.”

Gavin sighs. “Okay, let’s go get him then, baby.”

“But… your car,” he whispers.

“Don’t worry about that. Let’s get your dad and pour him into bed, okay? I’ll deal with my car later.”

“But Gav…”

“Don’t worry, Darlin’. Come on, let’s get in the car.”

“Oh God… Sumo!”

“What?”

“Sumo! I hope dad remembered to feed him…”

“Who is Sumo?”

“Oh, my dad’s dog.”

“Oh. Well we can’t get in now, so let’s get him so we can get his key. Once we put him to bed we can take care of your dog okay?”

“Sure,” Connor whispers, deflated.

* * *

 

Sumo hadn’t been out all day. He’d messed the floor by the back door and his bowl of water had been completely dry. Gavin had the task of pouring Connor’s father into bed while Connor took the animal outside and cleaned up his mess, thoroughly disinfecting the floor and willing away as much of the smell as possible.

Connor also did the dishes, tidied up the living room, and took all the empty bottles and cans out the back door to the recycle bin while Gavin watched. When he finally sits down, he presses both hands over his face. “I’m so embarrassed,” he whispers painfully, his shoulders jerking with his effort to keep from crying.

“Aww… Connor…”

“Please… please don’t.”

“Look at me, Darlin’.” Gavin’s tone doesn’t leave room for argument, and Connor stubbornly only peeks out one eye from behind his hands. “ _ I’m not going anywhere. _ Okay?”

“But my dad tried to hit you,” he whispers, tears of mortification welling up in his eyes.

It’s true. When they arrived at Jimmy’s Bar the Lieutenant was fully belligerent and glassy-eyed, so drunk he couldn’t even sit upright. Connor had tried to get him out the door and almost fallen over when the older man swayed the wrong way, prompting Gavin to take his other arm and save them both from falling. He was thanked with a right hook that narrowly missed his face. “GEDDAAOUUTTAH-HERE! lemmea’lonneee…”

Connor’s expression of shock and disgrace didn’t faze the drunk man, and the ride back to his house was full of one-sided drunk arguing. Thankfully the Lieutenant didn’t puke.

Connor cringes into his hands again at the thought of how awkward it must have been for Gavin to take the angry, drunk Lieutenant into his room by himself.

Gavin shrugs. “I’ve seen many a drunk bar fight, babe. I’m alright, he completely missed.” He reaches out and starts to rub Connor’s back, hoping to soothe him some and knowing that the touch will be just what he needs.

“Stop being so nice,” Connor mutters.

“I would never. You’ve been dealing with this so long, I know that nothing I say will make it better. The only thing I can do is be here for you and hold you, if you’ll let me.”

“Why aren’t you angry?”

“I am,” Gavin says sourly. “But only because I hate seeing you suffer. And--that poor slobber monster in the corner, that was fucked up.”

“I’m taking him with me tonight,” Connor says absently.

“Then let’s pack him up, Darlin’. I’ll stay at yours tonight.”

“Do you… mind awfully if we stay here?” Connor asks, ashamed again.

Gavin nods. “Whatever you need, Darlin’. I will have to go home and get some clothes though.”

“It’s okay, I have clothes that fit you here.”

Gavin frowns. It trips him out that Connor stays here enough to still have clothes and personal belongings here. “Sure,” he says.

The morning is painfully awkward. Gavin takes one look at the coffee machine and offers to buy a carafe down the street for them to drink. Connor nods ruefully, still barely looking up from embarrassment.

When the Lieutenant wanders into the kitchen, he freezes when he sees Connor. “Hey, kid. Whatcha doing here this early?”

Connor goes to the cabinet and pulls out the bottle of aspirin and a bottle of water, not meeting his eyes or saying anything. He starts breakfast instead, scrambling eggs and frying bacon.

“Con?”

“We were supposed to have dinner last night.”

“Oh--fuck, I’m sorry kid. We’ll get out on the weekend, I promise.”

“I brought my boyfriend.”

Silence.

“That was… last night?”

Connor grits his teeth and nods. Gavin’s arriving with coffee is both a blessing and a curse.

“Ah, hi Lieutenant, how are you, uh… how are you feeling this morning?” he asks awkwardly.

“Fucked up,” he grunts, taking a grateful sip of the coffee Gavin pours.

Connor sighs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes that was so far beyond uncomfortable. poor Connor. 
> 
> So we're doing a lot of dragging Drunk Lieutenant Dad here. As promised there's a full, separate piece of this in development. Also, there's something new I'm almost done with that will probably go live within the week so, if you wanna see more Convin-ness drop kudos, bookmarks and subs so that you can know all the good things that are going on in this dusty corner of the internet.
> 
> y'all rock,  
> <3Daisy


	6. ...go on vacation together (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

Gavin is slamming his locker shut when he sees Connor straighten and stand up from the bench--he didn’t even see him sit down. “Hey, you. Ready to go?”

“Sure.” They haven’t taken four steps out of the precinct before Connor’s phone starts to play the song from the “shooting stars” meme very loudly. Connor grins widely as he swipes at it and then brings it to his ear. “Hey fuckface.”

Gavin smiles. It’s Connor’s brother Kenny that he can hear over the line, going, “hey shitstick! How’s everything?”

“It’s good. We just got off, we’re going to go eat.”

“You and Gavin right? The grumpy motherfucker.”

“Hey fuck you,” Gavin yells.

“Fuck you too bro,” Kenny answers quickly, laughing. “Hey, what are you doing like… in a couple months?”

“What are you thinking?”

“I just miss you, man. But we’re gonna be super busy here, we’re prepping for a big test in July and especially leading up to that is gonna be hell.”

“Oh? What are you testing?” Connor asks slyly. Kenny’s job is in a base helping run tests that are called UNDEX and AIREX tests, which basically test military ships and submarines against various damage, mechanical failures, attacks, or other things that can lead to explosions. Most times he just has to test parts and run various programs and do a bunch of math to determine how things hold up in stress, but sometimes… well, sometimes his job gets pretty interesting. Connor likes hearing about it when Kenny can talk about it, but for the most part, Kenny prefers to keep the confidential stuff very confidential and won’t say anything at all.

This time is no different. “Nice try assmunch. You know I can’t say much about that kind of test.”

Connor shrugs. “Worth a try. Do you get to blow things up?”

“Probably, we’ll see. We might end up just at a desk all summer, who knows. But we need to get that shit locked down so…”

“Gotcha. Well, what about after your big test?”

“Well that’s why I’m calling. I’m bored, there’s fuckall to do out here and I’ve got so many ship parts in my brain I basically dream about that shit. I’m exhausted, send help.”

“I’ll send Gav,” Connor laughs.

“You and him are pretty tight, huh?”

Connor mutters, “I don’t know how tight he is yet.”

“What?!”

“What?” Connor asks innocently. Then he adds under his breath again, “and he doesn’t know how tight I am either.”

“WHAT?!” Kenny yelps. Gavin ducks into the car, cackling almost too hard to breathe.

“Yeah, we’re pretty close,” Connor sidetracks with a laugh. “I have to tell you about that, actually.”

“Uhm… Con? Are you… are you fucking your partner?”

“No, honestly.” Connor says, a slight, forlorn inflection under his flat tone.

Gavin chokes and bursts into laughter again.

“But you’re together?”

“Yeah.”

Kenny lets out a whoop of celebration. “I’m happy for you, he was totally into you for ages.”

“And you didn’t say anything?!”

“You mean you didn’t fucking notice? The guy doesn’t roll out a red carpet for you every time you walk somewhere because it’s too heavy to carry that shit, and one wouldn’t fit in his car.”

“What do you mean?!”

“I mean that every fucking time I talk to you, it’s ‘what are you doing now?’ ‘oh, nothing, Gav brought me candy and movies and we’re going to his place to binge them.’ Dude, I facetimed you once, and you were fully fucking snuggled into his chest like a goddamn baby. He was into you, or else that shit would  _ not _ have flown.”

“Okay! Okay—I mean, you’re right. God,” Connor mutters, his face red. “When you say it like that I feel stupid.”

“Don’t look at me with that tone of voice,” Kenny says. “You weren’t ready to hear that shit. Besides, that motherfucker lost his paychecks in your face hole only because he wants to put his dick in there too.” Then he says, “eww, I don’t want that image anymore.”

Gavin laughs. “He’s not wrong. I did do it because I like you. But I wasn’t… trying to get laid or whatever. I just wanted to do nice things for you.”

“Oh,  _ wanted _ ?”

They can practically hear Kenny rolling his eyes. “Pff. As if. In fact, what are you guys doing right now?”

“Umm…” Connor turns pink even though Kenny can’t see him.

“I’m taking him for pizza and then we’re going to the movies,” Gavin says, still laughing.

“Fucking see? You better give it up soon, Connor!”

Connor shrugs, grinning slyly. “I don’t know. I like him having to work for it a little bit.”

“Fuck you,” Gavin snorts at the same time Kenny says, “atta boy, big bro! Make him work.”

“I will,” Connor grins, which earns him another round of “yeaboy!” and “fuck yous” before he says, “I’ll come visit you?”

“I would honestly fucking love that. Bring the new boytoy too.”

“You mean it?”

“Absolutely.  _ Mi casa es tu casa _ or whatever. Come through, I’ll text you the dates when my tests end and then I’m putting in for a vacation. I need company.”

“Count on it,” Connor says softly.

The three go back and forth until the pizza is ready, and then Connor finally hangs up.

Gavin watches the smile in his eyes dim like a light burning out. “Aww,” he says, pulling Connor into a hug. “He misses you too, baby.”

“I know.”

“We’re gonna go visit him then?”

“You would… you would really come?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? We’ll make a trip out of it. Go touring around and visit things nearby. Oh, he lives in Maryland, right? How far away is he from like the White House, and the Library of Congress, and any of that shit? It would be cool to see that live. We’ll make him be our tour guide. Maybe we can treat him out to somewhere fun too. You heard the guy, he needs a break. After that, maybe we can do our own thing, too.”

“That sounds… amazing,” Connor says softly.

“Then it’s decided. We’ll put in for time off. I have a bunch of paid time off that they’ve been nagging me about.”

“I can’t wait, then,” Connor answers happily.

* * *

 

The trip is only eight hours long, but they drive for two days because they don’t take the toll roads, and they stop at every place imaginable between Detroit and Washington, D.C. They make fun of themselves stopping in every state’s travel center to buy merchandise from that state: shot glasses from Ohio, tee shirts and mugs in Pennsylvania, and plenty of crab-shaped stickers and magnets from Maryland.

They stay in a shitty hotel that has an equally shitty pool, but they swim in it anyway, praying to whoever will listen that they don’t end up with some kind of infection. Gavin’s swim trunks cling to his ass just right, especially once they’re wet; Connor can’t keep his hands to himself much, and so they end up splashing around and making out for most of their swim.

Dinner is fun. They eat philly cheesesteak subs and find them to be much,  _ much  _ better in their home state, in a tiny diner not too far from their hotel. For dessert, they find a side-of-the-road ice cream place and share a giant bowl of like five scoops of ice cream filled with candy and almonds and topped excessively with whipped cream, which Connor promptly smears all over Gavin’s face. A whip-cream war ensues, and it ends with Connor kissing the fluffy cream away from Gavin’s lips and cheeks.

Gavin hasn’t ever said no to Connor sleeping in his bed since his break-up, and that is because Connor’s body inevitably finds its way completely around him, curling against him and locking him in the kind of embrace he can’t really resist. At night in the hotel it’s not any different; they change and climb into bed, and Connor immediately presses his face against Gavin’s chest and pulls his leg around Gavin’s body. Gavin soothes his hand over Connor’s back until oblivion takes them both.

They wake up early and put their semi-dry swimwear away before finishing their meandering drive. Thankfully, Kenny doesn’t live on base and they don’t have to do anything extra to get to his house. When they pull up, he already is sitting on his front porch, his door wide open and a shit-eating grin on his face.

“BRO!” He hops to his feet and scrambles down the steps, wrapping his older brother in an embrace that leaves him winded. “It’s been fucking ages, I missed you!”

“It’s your fault, you only come visit me when I’m dying.”

“Fuck you,” Kenny snorts, releasing Connor and turning to Gavin. He pulls the man into a hug too. “Hey thanks for keeping my brother safe.”

Gavin smiles. “And happy, don’t forget.”

Kenny arches an eyebrow. “I haven’t, and I won’t,” he threatens.

Gavin rolls his eyes. They unpack their suitcases and give Kenny a mug and a magnet from their ever growing collection of state merch. Kenny stares at them like they’re insane but adds the mug to his collection with a grateful smile and throws the magnet on his fridge. The magnet is a picture frame, so he frames a picture of himself and Connor as kids, ‘baking’ even though they were barely tall enough to reach the counter. Connor has flour all over his face, and Kenny’s round cheeks are full of chocolate chips. Connor was six, and Kenny was about four years old. “Aww,” Gavin chuckles as he studies the picture.

“Heh. Yeah, good times.”

Connor pouts. “You stole that from my apartment.”

“Sure did,” Kenny laughs. “It’s dinner and drinks time. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“I thought it was lost!” Connor protests as they gather up their things and go back out to the rental car.

“It wasn’t.”

“I want it back.”

“No can do. Besides, you bought it the perfect frame!”

“Fucking pain in my dick.”

“I love you too Con.”

“No you don’t!”

“Come on, Princess, it’s just a picture. I promise I’ll send you a copy.”

Connor huffs. 

They spend their days this way: light hearted bickering and laughing over drinks, or ice cream in the capital, or Potbelly Sandwiches with milkshakes. Gavin takes pictures of them together, or them with Kenny over almost every inch of the National Mall.

They visit the Air and Space Museum on a separate day, and party in the National Harbor on a separate day after that. Kenny asks if they can print a picture of Connor and Kenny mimicking poses of the weird fish=people statues that are in front of the Library of Congress.

Gavin prints that one for him, and he prints one more. One of Connor wearing his Navy uniform hat and tags and Kenny wearing a hoodie with the Detroit Police shield emblazoned on it. The smile on Kenny’s face as he traces his finger over their faces is more thanks than Gavin could ever ask for.

Connor’s stress always melts away when he’s around his brother. Having Gavin with him while he gets to visit his favorite person on earth means more to him than he could ever try to explain. Instead he just says, “thank you,” and Gavin kisses him deeply in response. Kenny immediately starts in teasing Connor, pretending to retch and starting another round of laughing and name-calling between the three of them.

They don’t get to tour Capitol Hill or the White House or any of that, but they did get to take pictures, and Connor grinned like a little kid in each of them, as did his brother. Gavin still finds their extremely close resemblance a bit unsettling.

They call Lieutenant Anderson together while they’re in the National Harbor, slightly drunk and enjoying the summer air and the lights. The man doesn’t say much, and hangs up quickly. Connor’s face falls, realizing that the man was probably passing out drunk.

Kenny scowls, and that starts a fight that ends Kenny swearing not to talk to the drunk bastard  _ ever _ again and Connor trying his best to ease his brother’s anger and his own hurt. It was awkward for Gavin, especially when the shouting match gave way to hostile, uncomfortable silence inside the car all the way home.

Kenny storms off to bed and slams the door, and Gavin doesn’t say anything until he’s gone. Then he pulls his arms around Connor’s slumped shoulders and holds him until they stretch out on the couch and Connor falls asleep tucked against him. He stays awake long after Connor’s breaths slow, staring at the muted tv without actually watching any of it.

It’s four in the morning when a voice whispers, “is he okay?”

Gavin scowls. “Fine,” he says shortly.

“I’m sorry,” Kenny whispers tiredly.

“I get it,” Gavin offers eventually. “I didn’t have a choice cutting my parents off, but… I’m glad that’s how it turned out. As fucked up as I ended up over them, it would have been worse if I stayed.”

“Someone was looking out for you, at least.”

“What do you mean?” Gavin asks curiously.

“Connor was the one that looked out for me. But he also made sure to look out for Hank, especially when we were older. He’d keep the bastard from choking on his own puke, call him out of work when he was hung over, cover for him with school--everything. And that was on top of feeding me, cleaning up after both of us, tucking me in, fucking doing all the shit that  _ my father  _ should have done. Who the fuck was looking out for him? CPS should have gotten involved and taken us somewhere else too. But of course, Connor always says that if that had happened our father probably would have killed himself.” 

Gavin’s arms tighten around Connor as he winces.

“It was Dad’s excuse to drink, and it’s Connor’s too for enabling that drunk prick, ‘He already lost one of us, Kenny, he can’t go through it again. He would die.’ Bull fucking shit. He doesn’t know that he’s already as good as dead, at least to me. What kind of life is that anyway? Showing up to work hungover or drunk, never being there for your fucking kids, too busy drinking to notice that his wife ran away with her fucking dealer and OD’d on the sidewalk like a common whore? OUr whole  _ life  _ crumbled around our heads, not just him! And yet, Neither Connor or I are out wasting away. He is a drunk still because he  _ chooses  _ to be.”

Gavin sighs heavily, pulling his fingers through Connor’s hair. “You’re not wrong. I could never… judge him for grieving and drinking his pain away in those moments but… everyone has to pick themselves up at some point, and your dad didn’t do that. I’m sorry that he didn’t, I really am. But Connor is just… doing the best he can too.”

Kenny sighs, and now he seems sad. “He always does. Trying to keep the family together or whatever. True middle child syndrome, even though the oldest of us bit it. Always mediating, keeping the peace, not letting shit get out of hand.” He rubs his face as he starts the coffee machine. “I know I owe him an apology, and I really want to hash this out with him. Would you mind… letting me take him out to breakfast, just us?”

Gavin smiles. “Like you even have to ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gosh, Hank, get your life together! 
> 
> let me know what you think about how stuff is going in the comments, and what other firsts you guys would like to see. part two will probably be up tomorrow.
> 
> y'all rock  
> <3Daisy
> 
> PS-- Gavin and Kenny are getting along so far even though Gav thinks it's awkward that they look almost exactly alike.


	7. ...go on vacation together (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***BLOWJOB ALERT*** things are rated E in this chapter. ***SMUT SMUT SMUT***  
> just letting y'all thirsty hoes know what you're getting into ;)

After visiting Kenny, Connor isn’t ready to go home yet. He doesn’t want to drive home the same way they came. Instead he wants to explore the area, an area of the United States he’s never been in before.

Gavin suggests they go to the amusement parks a few hours away. They book a hotel and visit historic Williamsburg, Busch Gardens, and the water park near the beach, getting themselves two day passes for each. 

The first day in the amusement park, Connor eats everything in sight. Gavin tries not to think of the work out his card is getting at the six dollar containers of dippin’ dots, the expensive-but-so-tasty funnel cakes, and the ridiculously expensive meals. Instead he indulges Connor’s insane sweet tooth, laughing at the powdered sugar on his face.

The rides are just what Gavin needed. The feeling of falling and spinning and speeding through the air make them both feel alive and free, and they laugh hysterically like teenagers every time they exit a ride on wobbly legs.

Connor buys the photos off every single ride and the one by the park entrance.

Gavin decides he will frame the one of them with one hand raised in the air, and one arm around each other, both screaming in a strange combination of glee and terror.

After that ride, Connor wants to go on water rides.

They duck into the bathrooms near the water section of the park that have changing stalls, quickly stripping away tee shirts and sneakers and trading them for board shorts and slides.

Gavin stuffs his things into his backpack as he walks out and chokes when he sees Connor casually throw his towel over his shoulder.

The vision of him in nothing but  [ dark board shorts ](https://m.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/hurley-phantom-block-party-18-swim-trunks?ID=3205705&pla_country=US&cm_mmc=Google-PLA-ADC-_-Mens-NA-_-Hurley-_-192500652220USA&CAWELAID=120156070008986345&CAGPSPN=pla&CAAGID=47685658519&CATCI=pla-387031490612&CATARGETID=120156070006695686&cadevice=m&gclid=CjwKCAjwqLblBRBYEiwAV3pCJm6aDA57FmAJ7b3bZTIX4OzYthxz9zaEtKXXjwENYCGGdO94qmYlTBoCEaUQAvD_BwE) with, bright, mint-green stripes around one firm thigh and low on his trim hips prompts him to drag Connor back into one of the empty changing rooms.

“Where is your shirt?” he grumbles, nipping at Connor’s neck.

“I didn’t--bring one?” Connor whispers. He sounds like he want to protest this situation, but decides against it. “Besides,” he adds petulantly, his fingers pressing into the muscles of Gavin’s back, “where’s yours?”

Gavin chuckles. “You’re fucking gorgeous,” he murmurs into Connor’s skin. His fingers make quick work of the drawstring on the swim shorts, and Connor sucks in a breath as Gavin’s fingers move along his hips, back and forth, back and forth, before curling around his cock, already half erect.

“Gav,” Connor whines.

“What, Baby?”

“S-someone will see us…”

“Probably,” Gavin shrugs, stroking more insistently. Connor’s fingers move from his back to his shoulders, and now he’s pushing a little bit.

“Fuck—wait, wait.”

Gavin pauses, smirking.

“Can you at least lock the doors?”

Gavin grins and lets go, leaving Connor slumped against the wall while he locks both entrances and checks all the stalls for good measure.

“Now can I make you come?”

Connor’s cheeks are pink, but he nods anyway.

“Good because the color in your face when you come is the prettiest color I’ve ever seen,” Gavin purrs.

Connor’s cheeks get even more pink, and so do the tops of his ears. 

Gavin pulls the board shorts down as he kneels, wrapping his fingers around Connor’s cock and making him whimper. He flicks his tongue right over the tip, earning a throaty “fuck” from Connor and a taste of fluid right on the very tip of his tongue.

“You taste so good, Darlin’,” Gavin decides, lapping at the drops with the flat of his tongue instead. Connor doesn’t say anything, but he does manage a sound that’s somewhere between a grunt and a whine.

When he finally pulls Connor’s cock into his mouth, he smiles at the way Connor’s legs shake, the way his groans turn breathy and strained. He pulls back slowly, drawing out the sucking sensation on the warm, silky flesh, until his lips are wrapped only around the tip again. He teases it with his tongue, tasting more salty-sweet precum before diving back down. That’s the pace that he sets, sucking him down quickly but withdrawing slowly, each time he takes Connor into his mouth causing him to groan or cry out, and each time he takes special care to suck at and lap at his cock causing Connor to hiss.

Connor’s fingers are clenching on themselves, and Gavin guides them into his hair, where the slight tugging makes his eyes roll up in his head.

“Gav,” Connor whispers, “you feel… you feel perfect.”

Gavin hums, releasing Connor’s cock with a loud slurp. “Oh, I do?”

“Yes, yes—why...? Did you stop—don’t…”

“Shh,” Gavin interrupts with another smirk, lapping at the dripping cock again. “I just love teasing you, Baby.”

“Fuck you,” Connor huffs.

Gavin shrugs, and Connor thrusts right into his throat. He has to work not to gag, surprised by the way Connor’s finger in his hair hold his head in place. Connor’s pace isn’t what Gavin would consider brutal, but he definitely is making Gavin have to work to keep his breath and keep his throat relaxed. He hollows his cheeks a little to increase the suction, and Connor’s moan tells him he got it right.

“Gav,” he grunts, “touch yourself. Come with me. Come with me. I want to see you, please.”

_ Fuck, _ Gavin wants to say, but his mouth is honestly too full of cock to say that out loud. He pulls out his own cock and strokes it in time with Connor’s thrusts. He meets Connor’s eyes for a second, and that second shifts the energy around them until it crackles like lightning in the air, and somehow in his body, too, everywhere his body is connected to Connor’s.

One hand around his own erection and the other kneading at Connor’s ass cheek, Connor’s cock in his mouth and fingers in his hair, he feels like this section of bathroom is all that’s left of the entire world. He lets himself drift in it, lets their existence melt together in it. 

And he comes. 

Hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really short. but there's other firsts coming, so stay tuned!
> 
> also, sidenote, I finally gave in and got myself a tumblr account so you guys can check out the weirdness that is me @daisypoisonpen. you can also find me in discord here https://discord.gg/uc2NVea where we've got a bunch of fantastic authors doing fantastic things.
> 
> what other first would you like to see next? Let me know in the comments and drop a kudos if you're liking this so far.
> 
> Y'all rock  
> <3Daisy


	8. ... say 'I love you'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

Before Gavin knows it, Connor has literally turned his apartment into a private dance party.

It started with their last movie rolling credits by only like 9:30 at night and they didn’t really know what to do next. Connor looked up at Gavin with big, pouty brown puppy dog eyes and said, “Can we go dancing?”

Gavin rubbed his temples and sighed. “Fuck--I’m sorry, Darlin’, I don’t have the energy or the funds today but--” The heartbreaking pout was literally making Gavin’s chest too tight, and he actually struggled on his next inhale.

Then Connor’s face lit up like Christmas, and he said, “I have an idea.” The next twenty minutes were a bit of a blur.

Gavin’s apartment is two bedrooms, a bathroom, and one huge space that holds a living room, dining room, and a kitchen that is separated from the rest of the space by tile and a bar. Connor shoved the couch all the way up against the dining room table and rolled up the area rug, securing it near the balcony where Gavin always smokes. Then he swept up the floor and hit all the lights except the ones over the bar. Then he flicked through the channels until he found a ‘music choice dance hits’ channel, which he turned up just high enough to make the bass hurt a little, but not so loud that the neighbors would complain

That’s how Gavin finds himself sitting on his couch in his dining room, staring at Connor’s ass as he waves it around in front of his face. He makes a joke as Sia sings about having fun and dollar bills, and Connor’s laugh tells him that was probably the idea, which leads to a few minutes of Connor giving him a lap dance.

The best way to describe Connor’s body is _lithe._ He is strong, stronger than most other men that Gavin has met, and his muscles are well defined and very detailed; his ass is curved just right and just the right balance between soft and muscled and his arms, back and abs make Gavin want to stretch Connor out and feast on him… and then he chastises himself for thinking awkward, partially cannibalistic things like _feasting_ on Connor but God, Connor is a fucking wet dream and he can’t get enough.

Still, he follows the rule and keeps his hands by his sides until the song switches, and then he gets up and follows Connor into the middle of the living room like he’s on a leash. This time, he doesn’t hold back. His hands follow Connor’s hips as they flick from side to side and his fingers dip under Connor’s shirt to tease the soft skin of his abdomen. His lips nip at Connor’s neck and Connor tilts his head for better access.

“Where the fuck did you learn how to dance like this?” Gavin rasps.

Connor gives him a little wink and then turns around to basically grind his ass all over Gavin’s dick. “Around,” he answers.

They get really silly for a while, laughing at each other’s attempts at doing the whip/nae nae and other outdated dances and occasionally pausing to drink some water or beer.

When another song comes on, there are little guitar sounds, and Connor perks up. Gavin shakes his head. “Mm-mm. Nope. fuck no.”

“Aww come on, _please?!”_

“Darlin’, this song is literally the joke of the internet.”

“It can’t be worse than the Rickroll song. Please?”

“It is up there. And the Rickroll song is a _good fucking song._ ”

“So is this, please?”

“Seriously…”

“Dance with me,” Connor pouts. Then he uses the weapon, the one he knows will melt Gavin every time. He tucks his chin just a little bit, widens his eyes, peering up through his eyelashes, and says “ _Gav?”_

“Fuck,” Gavin mutters, defeated. Connor practically skips them back to their makeshift dance floor, grinning brightly as the beat finally drops.

 _Despacito_  
_Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito_  
_Deja que te diga cosas al oído_ _  
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo_

Gavin understands why Connor likes dancing to this song so much now. The Reggaeton beat allows for those really slow, sexy grind moments that pulls them right against each other, their skin getting hot where it meets the other’s body.

 _Quiero ver bailar tu pelo_  
_Quiero ser tu ritmo_  
_Que le enseñes a mi boca_ _  
Tus lugares favoritos_

It makes Gavin irrationally jealous. _He’s danced with someone like this… danced with Markus like this._ It’s incongruent. The confident sex bomb grinding his ass onto Gavin’s dick isn’t the same shy, nerdy, sad boy that Connor has always said he is, the one he’s shown himself to be. He wants this part of Connor all for himself.

 _Quiero, quiero, quiero ver cuánto amor a ti te cabe_  
_Yo no tengo prisa, yo me quiero dar el viaje_ _  
Empecemos lento, después salvaje_

“We should have more dance parties like this,” Gavin says in his ear, and he laughs.

“I told you you’d like this song.”

Gavin shrugs, letting his hands follow the smooth, _lithe_ lines of Connors body all the way up his sides and up his arms all the way to his finger tips, threading his fingers through Connor’s high above their heads. Connor’s expression is literally brilliant.

They dance the night away that way, their fingers interlocked and their bodies pressed tightly together, until Gavin finally turns the music down.

Connor pouts but dutifully helps him make his living room make sense again. They finish their snacks and cozy up on the couch as the music now plays only in the background. Gavin still can’t keep his hands off, and Connor happily revels in his very mischievous hands and affection.

Gavin isn’t just turned on beyond all recognition of logic, although he’s sure that that is a big part of it, but he is actually happy. It’s a kind of happiness that sits low in his chest, the kind that makes him warm all over.

It has been a long time since Gavin was this happy in love, and he smiles as he thinks of it, the surge of affection manifesting itself gentle kisses all over Connor’s cheek and neck.

“Gav?” Connor starts, his voice barely above a sleepy whisper.

“Yeah, Con,” he answers, just as quietly.

“Thank you for dancing with me tonight.”

“Thank _you,_ ”he answers with a chuckle. He nips at Connor’s ear because it’s his favorite thing to do when they’re curled up like this.

“You always indulge my silly moods.”

Gavin smiles. “You know, it’s what I love the most about you.”

Connor’s eyes immediately lock with his in the dark. “I… it is?”

Gavin dips his head once in a nod, his lips now ghosting a trail over Connor’s cheek toward his lips. “I love everything about you,” he says. “Your silly moods and your dance moves, and your pretty smile when I make you happy. I love your dedication and your talent at work, and how brainy and smart you are. I love it all. I _love_ all of you, Darlin’.”

Connor’s eyes turn glassy for just a second, and then he breaks into the best smile Gavin has seen on him to date. “I love you too,” he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor grinding on Gavin is sexy. Gavin allowing his apartment to be turned into a dance club because his boyfriend wants to dance is everything. Connor is spoiled and Gavin will fight anyone who has a problem with that, and that's everything too.
> 
> Yes I had to include that song in this. the lyrics are actually really loving and sexy (translate them if you haven't yet) and I LOVE THAT THIS SONG IS A MEME IT GIVES ME LIFE
> 
> hehe let me know what you think or squee in the comments with me! also point out my typos, it's not embarrassing or anything i promise! i just don't have a beta and i need more eyeballs (and probably a processor replacement in my brain).
> 
> y'all rock  
> <3Daisy


	9. ... go on a *real* date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

They’re watching something  _ other  _ than Godzilla this time. Connor is obsessed with this movie about a superhero that oddly reminds him of his boyfriend. He laughs and pulls himself against Gavin’s collar a lot, and that’s when Gavin can tell that Connor thinks the main character seems like him.

This time is no different. Connor turns pink and tucks his face against Gavin’s neck almost as soon as the movie starts.

“Holy shit, do you have a crush on the guy or something?”

“No,” Connor protests, too loudly and just as unconvincingly.

“Oh my God,” Gavin laughs. “You’re fucking crushing on the main character.”

“He reminds me of you,” Connor says sheepishly, his face hot. “He’s like a goofy you.”

“What? Are you saying I’m not funny?”

“That’s not--” Connor huffs, and his face suffers from continuous waves of heat. “You are funny. But he’s  _ goofy, _ it’s not the same.”

“So should I be goofy too?”

“Just--watch the movie!”

Gavin shakes his head. “You’re a fucking trip,” he chuckles.

Connor watches from the security of Gavin’s arms as the main character and his girlfriend? Fiancee? Whatever? Go on a date together.

Gavin freezes. He reaches around Connor for his phone, pulling up the calendar. He thinks back, trying to remember… 

“Holy shit.”

“What?”

“Connor, we’re going on eight months together.”

Connor kisses him happily, leaving little nips on his jaw. “Time flies, I guess.”

“Doesn’t it? Wait, eight months right?”

“Probably closer to a year I guess. In my mind when I broke up with Markus, it felt a little weird coming to see you right away because… well, it felt like we were together back then.”

“Did it?” Gavin asks softly.

“Yeah,” Connor says, his face heating up again.

“Hmm. I guess I always figured the day you kissed me was when we officially got together.”

“Well--maybe but I was resisting!”

“So which one is it, were you resisting? Or where you already my boyfriend?”

Connor shrugs. “I used to hold your hand. And you didn’t see anyone else after my break up.”

“Hmm. I mean, but… okay, fair, that’s true.”

“I was still resisting,” Connor says petulantly.

Gavin chuckles. “Yeah, I’m confused too. Either way, I have never taken you on an actual date.”

“What?” Connor coughs, confused. “What about all the pizza and movies, and all the dinners here together, and all the times I’ve cooked for you?”

“Those don’t count at all. I never actually said the words ‘let’s go on a date’ and then set a time for us to go somewhere together. I never got to pick you up and kiss you when I dropped you off, and we definitely never agreed that we’re ‘dating’ out loud. That is actually crazy to me.”

“...and all the times we’ve gone out for drinks on the weekends or dancing, not to mention all of those times that ended up with us here on your couch or--wait, so you’re… I mean, I guess I always knew we’re together.”

“Me too, babe, don’t get me wrong. I’ve always taken this very seriously, Connor. You mean the world to me. But we never  _ talked  _ about it or went on an actual  _ date  _ to signify the first of our relationship together, or anything like that.”

“But  _ we’ve been on so many dates!  _ I am literally always with you.”

“Okay, cool your jets, Darlin’. Yeah, maybe those do count. But we’ve never actually talked about any of it, and  _ I never officially asked you. _ But it’s fine, we’re gonna fix that.” Gavin extracts himself out from under Connor and takes both of his hands, sitting so that they’re facing each other with one leg folded underneath him. He waits for Connor to mirror his position, his face still flushed with confusion and mild alarm. “Will you go out on a date with me?”

Honestly, if Connor keeps turning pink, his face is going to melt off. “I’d love to,” he whispers.

* * *

 

Connor growls at himself in the mirror, frustrated. 

“This is why I  _ hate  _ dates, Gav,” he mutters under his breath, tossing his tie on his bed and mercilessly undoing his shirt buttons. “I can’t find anything I want to wear and-- fuck, I only have five minutes!  _ It’s not even our first date! _ ”

He tears into his closet once more, deciding on a white button up and no tie, and a light blue sweater. He looks at himself in the mirror and rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t take off the outfit. Instead he tucks in the shirt and gets to work making his hair presentable.

By the time Gavin shows up, he’s pulled himself together pretty well, his hair in place and his contacts in.

“Hi,” he says shyly when he opens the door to his apartment, only to find Gavin standing there wearing a dark jeans, a white button up, and a brown suit jacket that makes the color of his hair stand out. He’s holding red roses and white carnations mixed in with little baby breath dots and dark eucalyptus leaves. 

“Um… flowers are a thing you do on a date, right?”

Connor tries not to, he really does, but he turns pink anyway, mostly because he’s still checking Gavin out and probably drooling. “They… are perfect,” he stutters, “let me put them in water.” He reaches out, taking them from Gavin’s outstretched hand.

Before Connor can withdraw his hand and the flowers, Gavin’s fingers lock around his wrist and pull him in for a short kiss. “You look great, Darlin’,” he whispers against Connor’s lips.

Connor’s ridiculous nerves melt away, but he flushes pink anyway. “You’re supposed to wait until you drop me off for a kiss,” he snarks.

Gavin just smiles.

Once Connor has put the flowers in a vase and somewhere visible from pretty much the entire apartment, He takes Gavin’s hand.

Over time, Gavin has realized that emotional vulnerability is a struggle for Connor. Before, when he was always sad and quiet, he didn’t talk much about his issues. As they got to know each other, and Connor let his guard down, Connor often did things like pull his body against Gavin’s, or squeeze his hand, or curl into a ball against him, as if the physical feeling of his body will cancel out the agitation of Connor’s emotional state, which overwhelms him often. Sitting with Gavin often helps him get through very difficult conversations and say things out loud that he hasn’t said to anyone before, anchoring himself in the steady pulse and slow breaths, and the warmth of Gavin’s body. Even simpler emotions like embarrassment or anger find him invariably cuddling himself against Gavin or clutching at his hand until the worst of it passes.

Gavin decides that he doesn’t mind at all that he’s basically Connor’s emotional bodyguard. He’ll be whatever Connor wants him to be, and he’s glad that Connor feels safe with him.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Just you, Darlin’,” Gavin answers with a cheesy wink. Connor flushes again.

The restaurant is high end and in a hotel. Gavin confidently gives his reservation information and the host confirms it with a hum. Connog gulps. “Gav, this is completely unnecessary.”

Gavin just shrugs, politely holding his chair.

Their dinner is happy and quiet, with them talking over wine and candles, and Connor begrudgingly admits that the intimacy of their table setting is more date-like than anything they’ve done together. Gavin makes Connor laugh a lot, and Connor makes Gavin think a lot. Together, they are their own tipsy, philosophical comedy, and the moment creates a bubble around them that makes Connor’s insides feel warm and soft, like a happy kitten.

Gavin teases him relentlessly, but this time Connor gives as good as he gets. He finds out that Gavin’s celebrity crush is actually Colin Farrell, and they start joking about hall pass lists and “good luck getting in Colin Farrel’s pants!” and other bullshit while they wait for their food to arrive. When the laughter dies down, Gavin tells him, “You’re more than enough for me. I’m never gonna need a hall pass, Darlin’. ”

The smile that Connor gives him leaves his neurons more than a little bit fried, and he feels like an old computer that froze and needs a hard reboot. No, he doesn’t need a hall pass. No one has ever smiled at him the way Connor does.

“Neither will I,” Connor whispers.

The dinner is cooked to perfection, but neither of them really notices as they talk and lean closer and closer over the table. In fact, Connor doesn’t realize how utterly stuffed he is until Gavin asks him if he wants to split the ‘Carmel Mountain’ dessert which features a salted caramel brownie, vanilla bean ice cream made in-house, caramel cheesecake, whipped cream made in-house, and crushed toffee with decorative salt all inside a huge goblet rimmed with caramel that drips down the sides enticingly.

Connor’s eyes almost fall out of his head when he sees it, but he complains that he’s too full to try to tackle it, but he pouts when Gavin puts the dessert menu away. 

“Gav?”

“Hey,” he answers with another cheesy wink.

“Thank you for this. I’m having a good time.”

Gavin reaches across the table and Connor immediately slides his hand into his. “I can’t wait to take you out again, Darlin’.”

He feeds Connor most of the Carmel Mountain, their fingers still intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aksdjfhljsdLSJKDHALJKDHGALDKHGALIEUHFLFLUFF!
> 
> let me know what you guys think of them arguing about when they got together lmaoo~  
> there's a first argument lined up. maybe a first time Lieutenant Dad meets Connor's official boyfriend moment. we'll see.what else do you wanna see next? 
> 
> thanks for reading. y'all rock  
> <3Daisy


	10. ... have a Christmas gift exchange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Fluffmas!  
> Here is Gavin freaking out over what to get Connor for Christmas, and Connor going way overboard on a gift.  
> Alternate Title: "you're the meaning in my life! you're the inspiration!" -Chicago

Gavin has truly fucked up.

This is it. This is how everything implodes on him. Everything’s gonna get fucked up because as usual, he’s overdone himself.

How? He doesn’t understand. He literally spends his _life_ buying things Connor things! Why is it so hard to find something that he likes?

_God please, I just want to buy him something he’ll love. If You’re up there help a guy out._

He scrolls through Connor’s instagram, their text messages, he even snoops his internet history to see if there’s anything Connor keeps looking at on Amazon.

Nothing stands out to him.

Now it’s December 24th, and he’s out of time and out of luck. He feels like he’s going to cry.

Last week, they were sitting together watching Godzilla again of all things, and he asked, “what do you want for Christmas, Darlin’?”

Connor flushed pink the way he always does when Gavin buys him things. “You don’t… I don’t know, whatever you want. You always give me things, Gav. I love everything you give me.”

Gavin had kissed his still-pink cheek and smiled. Now he regrets that. He should have pressed him harder.

It doesn’t help that he has no real budget for Connor. Besides Momma Rose, whose gift and card he already mailed, he doesn’t buy gifts for anyone.

He wanders through various stores for several days in a row but finds nothing.

Connor had already wrapped and tagged three gifts with his name on it under his tree, and if was tripping him the fuck out. Why is Connor so difficult to shop for?

 _Fucking selfless, blushy fucking baby,_ Gavin curses internally, _always so fucking cute and grateful, fucking blushing everywhere whenever I show up with even a bar of candy! He’d hate what I bought him and still use it because he fucking loves me. I wish he’d be an asshole sometimes. Fucking hell. I hope he blushes so hard his head explodes in colored powder and shiny confetti and gets his fucking living room covered in glitter he’ll be headless vacuuming fucking glitter out of his couch for months._

Tired and angry, Gavin goes home and throws himself on the couch with cold pizza and a can of sprite. It’s too late to buy anything online, and he still has to hit the mall… he fucking hates going there but maybe, just maybe, he’ll get a spark of inspiration.

Then he realizes, he’s going about this all wrong. He doesn’t need to go to the mall for inspiration. He is looking for things for Connor, not things that _are_ Connor to him.

He gets himself a tiny notebook and pen and starts to write everything he knows about Connor:

Connor is very intelligent and a huge fan of science--something they have in common. He studied forensics in college and graduated with honors before going into the academy. They talked about it once, Connor complaining and going on a rant about people who feel like they don’t understand physics without even _trying_ to like it! Physics was going to be his specialty when he did his bachelors, along with inorganic chemistry. Gavin is glad he chose to be a police officer and truly found his calling there, but he often finds Connor face deep in some science book or another, often even taking notes like he’s actually studying for a class.

Connor loves Godzilla. He even loves the shitty old movies and the spinoffs, Mecha-Godzilla and Godzilla in Space, and all that other shit which Gavin honestly can’t sit through alone but will always sit through with Connor. For whatever reason, that monster and those in that universe captured his attention and his imagination ever since he was a kid. When that new movie dropped in 2014, Connor went full fangirl and hasn’t stopped watching it obsessively since. One would think that a science nerd would be into like, Star Wars, or Star Trek, or any of those other sci-fi alien things, but not Connor. No, Connor isn’t like anyone else.

Gavin smiles.

Connor fucking _loves_ food. Sweets, spicy food, chips, pizza, more pizza, mexican food, fake ass mexican food from Taco Hell or Chipotle, sweets (did Gavin mention sweets? Connor has a sweet tooth the size of China’s population) and food he’s never eaten before. How many patrols have they spent sharing snacks between them? How many times has the idea of going to seven-eleven for their break made Connor dance in his seat like a fucking child?

Connor is very kind. It’s what makes him a good police officer. It’s not the fact that he’s some kind of shooting prodigy and has an analytical mind sharper than anyone Gavin’s ever met. No, it’s that he doesn’t use those skill and that talent to _hurt_ people, or even for his own gain. Connor uses that big brain of his to help the people in the communities they serve and in service of his fellow officers. He’s quick to help solve problems in the precinct and follows orders with a happy disposition. He still fucking cries over the St. Jude’s commercials!

He isn’t a pushover by any means, but God, Connor never stops astounding Gavin with his capacity to give.

Gavin spends two hours writing down everything he can think of, from things he’s noticed about his boyfriend, to things he knows to be true, to things he even texted Connor’s brother about. He googles things, and he searches for ideas until he knows just what to do.

Then he finally hits the mall. This time, he’s full of inspiration.

* * *

 

Connor’s apartment looks like Christmas vomited all over it.

It’s a simple apartment, one bedroom, bathroom in the hallway between his bedroom and the living room. There’s no dining room, but the kitchen is huge and accommodates plenty of dining space.

The table is covered in green and white candles, all lit and surrounded by a festive arrangement of pinecones, ribbon, and other bullshit. The tree in the living room took the two of them and a ladder to decorate, because it was huge. It’s a white, plastic tree seven and a half feet tall and decked out in silver ribbon, icy-white icicles and glittery snowflakes, tiny little gold present boxes, little glass stars, and decorative ball ornaments in green, silver, and turquoise. An enormous topper almost touches the ceiling, and the lights that twinkle in it are cool white, blue, and green.

Gavin’s favorite ornaments are the ones front and center on the tree: One with two snowmen standing together, their blue and red scarves wrapping them both together. They’re underneath a banner that says, “Our First Christmas!” and each snowman is named Connor and Gavin. There’s another just like it, one that Connor ordered online of two glittery snowflakes  also under a banner that reads “Connor and Gavin” in cursive lettering. The two snowflakes link together like two people holding hands.

There’s a wreath hanging over his couch and white icicle lights winking over his balcony exit. There’s another tree in his bedroom and another wreath on his bedroom door, both decorated in cold, silver, green, or turquoise, or some combination of those.

The couch has cushions that look like ugly christmas sweaters, and the entryway is literally bathed in seizure-inducing light sprays courtesy of little disco-balls and laser-projector things that project snowflakes and dancing lights everywhere, also in some variations of green, white, or blue.

For some reason, it’s become very apparent to Gavin that that family of colors—turquoise, blue-green, teal, or aqua shades—are his favorite and he uses them every chance he gets, going as far as wearing them whenever he can (Gavin thinks that they bring out his coloring beautifully and often fantasizes about peeling him out of his clothing and licking him every time he wears them).

When Connor opens the door for him, he’s practically dancing in in the winking lights, his smile bright and his eyes sparkling. He bounces forward and wraps his arms around Gavin, who hugs him deeply, burying his nose in the younger man’s neck and holding him tightly.

Gavin’s nerves melt away as he holds his boyfriend, who is so happy to see him he hasn’t noticed that his gift is still in the hallway. Gavin gives in to his excited kiss with a chuckle, Connor’s giddiness prickling on his own skin as their lips and tongues meet. Gavin sighs against him, letting himself relax.

They had to work today. Unfortunately, most emergency response places don’t get Christmas, thanksgiving, or other holidays off—actually, they get busier than ever! He knows that DFD had the fucking wildest week ever this week, since they along with DFD responded to more than twenty house fires in half as many days, all having to do with terrible cooking or poorly-watered, overly-wired Christmas trees. They’ve responded to dozens of car accidents due to holiday drinking or bad weather or both, and they’ve responded to more domestics than Gavin cares to think about. Today was actually a shitty day. They responded to a really bad car accident, and it became obvious immediately that the mother of the kid in the back seat was dead. The other car flew into a fire hydrant, and its occupants were getting hypothermic from the water mixing with the snow and ice inside their car, slowly freezing them to death.

Out of the four adults in the two cars, three were dead and one was critical. The kid was also critical. Connor had been calm and collected as he always was, but afterwards, he pulled Gavin aside and threw himself into his arms, neither one letting go for a long time.

As soon as Gavin was off shift, he began to put his gift together, youtubing dozens of wrapping ideas until he found something he liked, which has now made him an hour later than he intended for his and Connor’s Christmas dinner.

Glad to see Connor upbeat again, he follows him inside, glancing into the kitchen to see the spread of food Connor is preparing still. He hauls the gift over to the tree while Connor bustles around, and then he helps with the cooking with gets very riotous and silly very quickly.

They eat with their fingers linked and their bodies close together, talking and laughing. Gavin feels, not for the first time, but definitely for the strongest time, how _madly_ in love he is, and he sees the deep emotion reflected back to him in Connor’s brown eyes.

“I love you,” Gavin tells him.

Connor doesn’t turn pink like always. Instead, he leans forward and kisses him deeply. “I love you too.” His excitement returns. “I can’t believe this is our first Christmas! I’m so excited.”

“Oh is that what has you so excited?”

“Well that and, Christmas is my favorite holiday.”

Gavin tilts his head. “Why’s that, Darlin’?”

Connor’s face falls. “Good memories,” he says with a sad half-smile. “Good times together, my dad, my brother, and me. Those… were pretty rare. But they almost always happened around Christmas, or July 4th.”

“I understand,” Gavin says, pulling him close. “I’m glad I get to make new memories with you.”

Connor’s excitement redoubles and he bounces out of his seat to clear the plates. “Let’s open presents,” he sings.

Gavin laughs as he shoves things into the sink and yanks him into the living room, where everything is neatly arranged under the enormous tree. “Here, these are for you Gav,” he says, shoving things into his hands while blushing prettily.”

Gavin kisses him deeply before studying his gifts. There are two boxes and an envelope, which Gavin frowns at. “Aww--you didn’t have to get me all this, baby,” he says, feeling bad for having one wrapped gift.”

“Don’t worry, they’re all part of the same present. Open the big one first!”

Gavin does what he’s told, opening the biggest box which is slightly larger than a shoebox but not as heavy. It’s wrapped in teal striped paper with candy canes all over and a red bow with the tag, “For Gavin, Love Connor” which he removes carefully so that he can keep.

When he opens the box, he finds… “A helmet?”

“A helmet inside a helmet bag.”

“What’s the helmet for?”

“Open the next one!”

He does, keeping the tag which reads “spoiler alert! Love Connor” also. When he does, he can feel the color drain from his face. “Connor… no. You didn’t.” The material is smooth under his hands, the brand proudly embossed on the chest over a pocket. The custom suit is navy blue with red and black trim and severely expensive-looking. “It’s beautiful,” he whispers. “Connor, tell me you didn’t.”

“I could,” he says with a cheesy grin, “but I’d be lying.”

He tears into the envelope, reading the voucher as best he can with trembling hands. “Connor… holy fuck. I can’t believe it.”

“Yeah me either,” Connor mutters ruefully. That’s when Gavin realizes that the voucher is for two people, not one.

Gavin bursts into laughter. “We’re going _skydiving?_ Holy shit, we’re going skydiving! I fucking finally convinced you, did I?”

“Unfortunately for me,” Connor mumbles.

“Aww--I love you Darlin’, this is going to be great I promise. Holy shit! Connor--how the hell…?”

“Just… remember that I fucking love you, and that I already have my will written out and that you suck.”

Gavin bursts into laughter again. “We’re not gonna die. It’s going to be beautiful, you’ll see.” He sets aside his boxes and sheepishly pushes over his gift. “Your turn.”

Connor stares at him for a moment. “Gav…”

“What? I didn’t know what to get you,” Gavin says sheepishly as Connor unwraps the oddly-shaped gift.

“So you got me everything?!” Connor yelps. It’s a gift basket. It includes two huge rolled fabrics with bows around them, and four smaller ones. There are several boxes and three envelopes, some DVDs (including a box set) and _tons of candy._

Connor discovers that the bigger two rolls are fluffy throw blankets, big enough to engulf him on their movie nights. Connor immediately wraps the white one around himself, reserving the turquoise one for his room.

The four smaller rolls are tee shirts, which Connor is so happy about, he could cry. The first features an eerie gray-red-orange color and a city skyline that fades up from the bottom of the tee shirt. On the back of it, Godzilla himself rises high above, his signature silhouette imposing as he makes his signature growl. The second tee shirt is dark blue with the outline of rockstars on it, each wearing a shirt with a symbol from the periodic table on it. The shirt is captioned, “heavy metals” and it makes Connor laugh heartily. The third has yellow crime scene tape over the letters “CSI” and the tape says “Can’t Stand Idiots” and that makes Connor laugh too. The last tee shirt says “fuck the police. No really, they’re great in bed.” That one makes him laugh but also turn pink, and that leads to a very hot and heavy make out session, all grinding hips and wandering hands, and wet lips and hot tongues.

Gavin eventually peels himself away, urging Connor to finish going through his basket before clothes start coming off. Connor huffs. “But…”

“But I want you to see the other things.”

“But I want to kiss you.”

“You can kiss me after, Darlin’.”

“Fine.” Connor huffs but doesn’t pull himself off of Gavin’s lap, choosing to keep pulling items from the enormous basket in the security of Gavin’s arms. The next thing is several boxes of candy: sour patch kids, m&ms, skittles, and Boston baked beans all are decorated with ribbons and bows. Likewise, several king-sized candy bars all have bows and ribbons on them. Connor crunches into one of them while he opens the first envelope. He freezes and tears fill his eyes. “Gav…” The envelope holds a confirmation email that Gavin is a monthly sponsor to St. Jude’s Children’s hospital for the next year, the donations being made in Connor’s name. The second envelope shows a one-hundred dollar donation to the Michigan SPCA, and the final envelope also shows a single donation of one-hundred dollars to Companions for Heroes, an organization that pairs law enforcement and military people suffering from PTSD and other mental health disorders with companion animals from shelters, even going as far as training service animals for the heroes that qualify.

Gavin presses his lips to Connor’s temple. “I love you, Darlin’.”

“Gavin, you didn’t have to do this,” he whispers. “I… _thank you._ ”

“Thank _you,_ Connor. You’re an inspiration. I mean it.”

“Well you’re mine,” Connor answers, his cheeks pink.

Gavin smiles. “I’m honored.”

“I love you, Gav.”

“I love you, Con. Look, there’s more.”

“Gav, how much more did--you didn’t have to--Gift cards? Gav how much money did--”

“You’re one to talk! I know for a _fact_ that you’ve been planning the skydiving trip for months. Nobody has a couple thousand dollars lying around like that, casually.”

“Fine, fair,” Connor huffs.

“I’m gonna have to take you on vacation again.”

Connor sighs. “You don’t owe me anything. I want you to be happy, and this is something you always said you wanted to do.”

“I’m gonna be happy, baby, but it’ll be because you’re coming with me.”

Connor’s eyes are sparkling again. “Gavin?”

“Connor?”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“Merry Christmas, baby. I love you too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sidenote: yes, I reordered all the chapters. they're all in order of how they actually happen, because I wrote them all out of order and was getting confused in my timelines lmao
> 
> I'm gonna slide this chapter in where it goes in a couple days, don't get confused, kay? let me know what you think about this and what you want to see next. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday, and we'll see you guys in 2019! holy shit this year went by so fast!
> 
> love you guys!  
> <3Daisy


	11. ... have a new year's kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS LATE AF BUT HAPPY 2019 ERREBODY  
> Here's Connor being sappy af after yet another work related injury, and Gavin loving every minute of it.

Connor has been daydreaming all day, a dopey smile on his face and flush staining his cheeks, blasting every love song that comes on the radio now that Christmas is over and (thankfully for Gavin) all the Christmas music has stopped.

Gavin is watching out of the corner of his eye and grinning as Connor belts out a poorly-tuned rendition of “R.E.M” by Ariana Grande.

Gavin laughs as he tries to match her soulful notes and ~~fails miserably~~ misses a lot of them. “What’s got you in such a good mood?”

“I’m ready for us to get off work and go home so that we can kiss at midnight.”

Gavin laughs again. “You mean, you’re waiting for us to get off work and go to a party and make out drunk well after midnight.”

“That too. But… I don’t know. I’ve never kissed anyone at midnight on New Year’s before.”

“Really?”

Connor nods, shrugging. “Markus always had other plans.”

“Aww, Darlin’...”

But Connor isn’t saddened or his mood dampened. Instead, his eyes are even brighter than they were before. “I’m glad I get to do that with you.”

Gavin reaches over and presses his hand to Connor’s cheek. “Me too,” he says as Connor leans into him with a happy sigh, his eyes slipping closed. “How did I get so lucky?” he whispers.

Connor flushes, leans across the console and kisses him soundly before picking up the radio with a wink. “Dispatch, this is unit 921, requesting our 10-8. Please confirm.”

Gavin flicks his camera back on and turns on the car as they wait for their request to go back into service is confirmed.

“Unit 921, we copy your 10-8, standby.”

“We’re ready when you are.”

A few moments of silence ensue before Dispatch responds. “You’re good to go, 921.”

“10-4, thank you.”

* * *

 

They’re in hell, literal actual hell. Everywhere Gavin looks, there’s mayhem. Glass glints in the darkness mixed with the sirens and city lights, looking like diamonds spilled all over the highway. Shards of metal and chunks from cars, pieces or rubber and car bumpers liter so much of the road that they’ve had to block all the lanes, closing the section of freeway completely. There’s yelling and awful, screeching sounds as fire & rescue rush back and forth trying to get everyone safely out of the various car wrecks and move the cars away from the highway. In an hour, four people have died but they’ve managed to open one lane of traffic.

The fucking idiot tried to flee from police by vehicle and caused a 16-car pile up, and even injured and having to be cut out of his car by the rescue truck, tried to get up and keep running away. Now Connor and Gavin are running through the woods chasing him, because, injured though he is, he is still running back towards the city on foot, in the snow, trailing blood everywhere.

All Gavin can think is that his whole New Year’s plan is going to go to shit. They were supposed to be off work four fucking hours ago, and they still have to file paperwork back at the district, return the squad car, and get into their civs and _then_ get home to do their New Year’s Eve plans.

Connor’s pace is steady ahead of him, and he can’t help but admire the younger man’s physique. Lean muscles perfect for running, keeping his breaths as slow and even as he can. It won’t be long before Connor catches up to him. The man is bleeding and Connor runs like a fucking machine.

Connor tackles him just outside the treeline. They tussle for a moment, the asshole struggling under Connor’s grip, fists flying viciously and grunts filling the air, and then Connor jumps back, whipping out his taser with a yell.

The man’s eyes roll up in his head as his body succumbs to the sharp, stinging pain, and he goes unconscious for probably a minute as Gavin finally approaches.

Gavin whips him onto his face and sits on him while he cuffs him—the bastard is still squirming toward the bloody knife that he must—

“Holy shit! Anderson are you hurt?!” Gavin can’t turn around to meet his eyes or look him over right now, and the pounding in his chest redoubles with the anxiety. “Connor!”

“Fine, I’m fucking fine! Fucker tried to stab me!”

“Are you bleeding?”

“Probably.” He sounds nonplussed, but not seriously hurt.

Gavin pats the asshole down, finding another knife and tossing that away, and starts the long haul back to the squad car, reading the dipshit his charges and rights including “robbery, assault, reckless endangerment, assaulting a police officer, evading the police, resisting arrest, and ruining my fucking new year you piece of fucking shit! You have the right to keep your mouth shut and I suggest you use it without me making you. You have the right to a lawyer and you better get a good one cos the mess you caused is severe and I can’t wait to see how bad you get sued to fuck and back on top of all of these charges. If you can't get a good one, some public defender will make sure your jail cell is nice and cushy, now get in the fucking car and don't make me chase you again, because I guarantee you won’t outrun a bullet!”

It’s 10:23pm and Connor probably needs stitches.

They definitely have had their New Year's plans ruined now. Gavin huffs.

* * *

 

11:47pm ticks by quietly, the only sound in the room being Connor’s over-controlled breaths as the doctor starts to clean and stitch the area on Connor’s forearm, which blocked the knife from successfully going between his ribs and into a lung or something, but caught a pretty deep cut. The slow ooze of deep red is brightened in spurts as clear fluid from the saline and numbing agents leak out while he disinfects and gets ready to stitch his arm back together. Connor hisses as the disinfecting iodine burns deeply, but he doesn't say anything.

There’s already a stitch in Connor’s eyebrow, but this is much worse. “Alright, you shouldn’t feel anything sharp, burning, or painful okay? You should only feel me touching you and maybe a tug or two from the stitches. If you need more numbing feel free to yell.”

Connor frowns and nods, and Gavin grips his hand tightly. Connor watches with morbid interest as the doctor places several deep sutures before using a different needle and wire to stitch the top layer of his skin. Eventually Gavin looks away, the gore getting to him.

11:56pm ticks by before the doctor finishes and starts to step out out. “Okay. Gonna have you sit tight while we bandage you up. You should be set to cut those out in a week to ten days. Any questions for me?” Connor shakes his head, and he continues, taking off his gloves. “Your partner here was concerned about blood loss, and we’re gonna keep you here until you empty that bag of fluid before we can let you go home okay?”

“Thanks Doc,” Connor says.

“I’ll send some IV Motrin too,” the doctor says knowingly.

Connow winces. “Please.”

“Okay. Be back in a bit. Happy New Year.”

Connor glances at the clock and smiles, but not at the doctor. “Happy New Year.”

As soon as he is gone, Connor yanks Gavin down and slots their lips together, his mouth muting Gavin’s surprised yelp.

12:00am ticks by to the sound of their mingled breaths, Gavin now standing between Connor’s legs and Connor pulling his fingers through Gavin’s sandy brown hair.

Their lips break apart eventually, Connor’s moist little pants washing over Gavin’s own lips.

“Happy New Year, Darlin’,” Gavin whispers.

Connor takes his lips again in another short kiss. “The best yet,” he says with a dopey grin.

Gavin raises an eyebrow. “How’s that? I mean we spent the night working and you ended up catching a perp’s blade… and we didn’t get to do our dinner plans or see the fireworks.”

Connor shakes his head, smiling. “You never learn,” he murmurs, reaching for Gavin’s lips again. “I was excited about spending all these holidays with _you._ I don’t care that we missed fireworks or that we couldn’t go to some extravagant place, I just want to _be_ with _you._ You always matter more than those things.”

Gavin gives in to the kiss, and of course there are fireworks. Not the New Year's kind, but the kind that explode all around them as they get fully absorbed in their bubble of elation and love. There’s no confetti in the streets, but Gavin smiles anyway. He never needed the confetti.

They sit together, their shoulders touching, trading little nips and kisses until Connor gets discharged from the ER, the quiet hum of doctors and nurses and beeps of machines not quite distracting enough to get Gavin to look away from Connor’s warm brown eyes.

Connor is right. It’s the best new year that Gavin has ever had.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, just another quick reminder, these are written all out of order and I'm reordering them as I post them now so pls don't get confused if this ends up being a different chapter!
> 
> I love you all, tell me what you think down below and leave a kudos if you wanna see more.
> 
> y'all rock,  
> <3Daisy


	12. ... meet the parents  (part 2-Mama Rose)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Gavin have been in love just over a year and he hasn't gotten a word out of the man about his foster mom? What? That has to change.  
> turns out the foster mom wasn't the problem.

Connor has always known _about_ her, but he has yet to meet her.

Before they got together, Gavin mentioned on more than one occasion that he didn’t grow up with his parents. Other times, during difficult moments with his own father, he mentioned that he knew first hand what addiction was like. It was enough to put two and two together and figure out that Gavin’s family had been destroyed by addiction and that was why he grew up somewhere else.

Gavin didn’t really speak about his foster family though. They’ve only been in a relationship a little over a year, but that would seem like enough time to bring up family, right? Especially since Connor knows that Gavin still stays in contact with his foster mother, who he only refers to as Mama Rose.

Anxious about broaching the subject, Connor has been pacing for about twenty minutes while Gavin tapes up the last few boxes in his own apartment.

“Okay, these can go to the storage compartment and--hey, what’s wrong with you?”

“Huh?”

“What’s the face, Darlin’?”

Connor looks around the empty apartment and frowns. “I’m not… nothing, I’m sorry.Which ones are going to storage?”

“These last three and the one in the corner,” Gavin says dryly. “Tell me, Con.”

“Okay, but please don’t be angry, okay? I promise I’ll drop it if you want me to, but I…” he starts pacing again. “Okay,” he says, “okay. Look, I’ve been meaning to ask about it since… well, since you told me the whole story, but it affected you so much and--”

“You’re rambling.” Gavin’s voice has taken on a hard edge. “What are you asking, Connor?”

“Just… are you going to invite your foster family to our wedding? Or… or, to meet me?”

Gavin’s shoulders relax visibly. “God, is that all?” He sighs. “I am fully aware that I’ve kept you out of that part of my life.”

“Sometimes I think you’re hiding me,” Connor whispers. “From them.” He wraps his arms around himself, clutching at the seams of his tee shirt. Gavin thinks it makes him look too young, in an insecure way. He immediately stands up and uncurls Connor’s fingers from his shirt and pulls Connor’s hands up over his shoulders, securing them at the back of his neck before wrapping his own arms around Connor’s middle and pulling him close.

“I would never. I’m sorry, Darlin’.”

“Will you tell me why you don’t really talk about them?”

“The social workers took me away from my house when I was seven. Second grade, you know? I was a little kid. Back then it was as simple as ‘maybe my new dad will be happy’ and other wishful thinking like that. After getting bounced through so many homes, though, I… I don’t know. Look, being a foster kid sucks, okay? Mothers day rolls around, and it’s the end of the school year and all the teachers make you draw pictures and make cards, and bring home candy and shit for your mom, but I had no fucking clue where my mom even was. The lady that was taking care of me took the candy and the gifts but two weeks later I was moved right the fuck along.

“Middle school came around, and by then Mama Rose was my foster mom, and she had no plans to bounce me out so that was cool I guess… but everyone in school knew which ones of us were the kids with no family. We used to catch hell about it. Kids used to make fun of us, try to beat us up. Or just plain ignore us. Fifth and sixth grade, I had no friends. Same when middle school started. I… have had to keep that shit to myself just to defend myself for so long.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispers. “That is really shitty.”

“It is. I just… always get defensive when it gets brought up, even to this day. But that’s no excuse… you’re my favorite person on earth and I am always wishing that I could show Mama Rose who you are. I know I don’t have to hide my life from you. It’s just… it's habit by now, you know?”

“Does she know about me?”

“Yeah, when I talk to her she is always asking when I’m going to settle down.” Gavin reaches up and touches Connor’s left hand with a smile. “At least now I can give her an answer.”

Connor flushes that pretty pink that Gavin adores so much. “Gavin,” Connor says, and it’s that honeyed tone of voice that comes with that sweet little pout Gavin can’t resist.

“Yes, Darlin’?”

“I want to meet her.”

Gavin smiles and nods. “Of course you’ll meet her.”

“ _Before_ we get married.”

Gavin’s smile turns tight lipped. “Okay,” he says.

* * *

 

This was a fucking mistake. Connor and Mama Rose are probably going to hate each other, sight unseen.

“Gav?” Connor glances at him, trying to diffuse his anxiety. “Gav,” he says gently. “Hey!”

“What?” Gavin snaps. Then he realizes sheepishly that the car is still on and that he has put it in park but left the key in the ignition. “Oh,” he whispers.

“Will you cut it out? This can’t go worse than the time I brought you over to my dad’s house to officially meet him or whatever.”

Gavin releases a sigh that ends in a laugh. “It wasn’t that bad. At least he didn’t start taking swings at me _after_ he realized you and I probably have very, very gay sex.”

Connor chokes. “Well we don’t! But if you’d put it like that he might have!”

“Your dad and I are cool, Darlin’.”

“Your mom and I will be too,” Connor says, leaning over and kissing his cheek. He steps out of the car before Gavin can answer and takes a look around while Gavin hauls himself out of the car after him and goes to the trunk to retrieve their overnight bags.

The house isn’t huge, but the property is. Connor is a city boy through and through, he isn’t used to seeing more than a quarter acre of empty space at a time unless it’s a city park.

This area is surrounded by calm grass that stretches into an imposing tree line. The street is at least a half mile away from the house, making the driveway long and muddy.

The house itself has faded white paint and gray-blue shutters. It’s probably a two-story house, but it looks like the entrance is somewhere between the first and second floor, making it one of those modern, split-level type houses.

Behind the house, Connor can see a structure that looks a bit like a greenhouse. There are also a garage and shed at the end of the driveway painted white to match the house, but designed to look like tiny barns.

Connor smiles. “This is your house? It’s beautiful out here.”

“Sure is. Come on, Mama Rose is probably waiting to feed us.”

Connor is all smiles as he takes the porch steps two at a time. There are four and Gavin admires his long legs as he hops up, skipping some steps. Suddenly Connor stops, freezing in place and turning to Gavin with wide eyes. “Oh God, Gav,” he whispers anxiously. “God, I’m about to meet your--holy, do I look okay? God, fuck--”

“Calm down,” Gavin tells him just as Mama Rose opens the front door.

Gavin opens his mouth to say something, but Mama Rose honestly doesn’t even acknowledge him in favor of wrapping Connor in a bone-crushing hug. She lets out a hearty laugh as Connor’s breath leaves his lungs in a surprised squeak.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she says happily. She pulls away and just looks Connor over before finally addressing Gavin. Hands still on Connor’s shoulders, she says, “He’s way prettier than you told me about, boy.”

Gavin gives a sheepish smile. “I told you he would be.”

She’s smiling widely when She looks Connor over again. “It’s so good to finally meet you, Connor.”

“I’m happy to meet you too, Ma’am” Connor says politely.

Mama Rose just crushes Connor in a hug again, leaving him relieved but _very_ confused. When he can breathe again, he takes in the character that is Mama Rose.

Mama Rose is warm. She smelled like fresh air, and plants, and some sort of herbs and spices. Her arms had crushed him easily. She’s heavy set, with wide hips and a rather large bust, but she isn’t unsightly. Her long, curly black hair has a bit of frizz, like she’s worked and sweat until they arrived. She has on a simple flannel and jeans, and a rag over her shoulder which Connor assumes comes from the kitchen, along with the smell of something that makes his mouth water in a way he can’t begin to describe.

Her deep, cinnamon skin also makes her warm, and the dark eyes framed by long lashes are also warm. She’s just _warm._ Connor feels like he loves her immediately. He lets himself get dragged inside, listening as Mama Rose peppers him with questions.

“So, how old are you?”

“I’m twenty-five, my twenty-sixth birthday is in August.”

“So young! You know my boy is thirty three, don’t you?”

“Yep,” Connor laughs. “It’s okay. Really.”

“And did you finish school?”

“I finished an associates degree in criminology when I was twenty years old, and I applied to the Detroit Police Department about six months later.”

“That’s right! And you met my boy when you were his partner.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Oh, stop with the ma’am! Please, just call me Rose or Mama Rose.”

Connor smiles brightly at her. He is enamored with her energy and her blatant motherly vibes. This woman is clearly the salt of the earth. And she clearly loves Gavin as if he were her own son.

Meanwhile, Gavin stands in the living room entryway and wonders why he ever thought this could go wrong as both of them blatantly ignore him while they talk. He just shakes his head and smiles until Mama Rose says something that make his eyes almost fall out of his head.

“Mama Rose!” he yelps.

Connor laughs. “What? You didn’t tell me that you got suspended in high school for staging a protest.”

“Wh--it was--there are a lot of fucking racists out here okay? I got tired of hearing about people ‘hopping’ the fence so in protest I started a fence-hopping meme contest thingy... I just didn’t think it all the way through and Adam and I got suspended for escaping school grounds during school hours.”

Connor laughs. “That’s not embarrassing,” he protests. “Actually that’s pretty badass.”

“Yeah well, I was the one that had to come up with all the fun stuff to do around here. Adam is a fucking nerd.”

“Is that him?” Connor asks, pointing at a picture resting on an end-table that features a young boy with striking dark features wearing a beanie, and Gavin’s young, pale face by contrast, wearing a bright red parka. Both are standing next to each other and next to a giant snowman.

“That’s him!” Mama Rose smiles at the picture wistfully. “I wish you boys still kept in touch.”

Gavin shrugs uncomfortably. “Well if you talk to him tell him hi, I guess,” he mumbles.

Connor’s eyebrows pull together, but Gavin just shakes his head.

* * *

  
Mama Rose has been telling stories about Gavin and her son Adam for well over an hour now, and most of them are embarrassing. Connor is laughing beautifully though, so Gavin sucks it up and keeps putting his fork to his lips, chewing and swallowing his dinner like he’s in prison.

“So he convinced Adam that the roof was the best place to do it?!”

“He’s lucky neither of them broke something,” Mama Rose says with a laugh. “Adam was thrilled, of course, to find out from his father that they would be grounded for the remainder of the month.”

“I bet,” Connor giggles. He glances over at Gavin and his face falls. “Gav?”

“Yeah, Darlin’,” he answers tiredly.

“Are you okay?”

“Sure,” he says dully.

“Oh honey are you tired? Have you shown Connor up to your room yet?”

“That’s a great idea,” Gavin perks up, grateful for the subject change. “Come on. You can see what a fucking loser I was in high school.”

“Oh this should be good,” Connor giggles.

The living room, like Connor predicted is six steps up from the main entrance. Six steps down appears to be some sort of family room and a bedroom. Off the living room, straight ahead, are the dining and kitchen areas, and to the right are a couple more steps up to the hallway. Gavin skips up them with ease and pushes into a room on the very end of the hall. The left turn reveals a bed (which would definitely be too small for the both of them if Connor weren’t such a cuddler) dressed in a plain green bedspread and matching pillow cases. The walls are plain white but covered in posters: metal, punk, and alt rock posters all over the walls, but in neat rows. An astronomically correct, but not scaled to size display of the sun, planets, and all of their moons in glow-in-the-dark plastic models reveal Gavin’s secret love for astronomy of all things, and a short study of his bookshelf and desk reveals astronomical charts, constellation guides, and even a telescope.

“I didn’t know you were into this stuff,” Connor says, his finger reverently brushing over the top of the telescope.

“Yeah well out here isn’t like the city.  City has so much light pollution and shit in the way, you’re lucky if you can see the moon. It’s truly uninspiring. Here is so… so calm. You can see _everything._ Maybe I can show you tonight.”

“I would like that,” Connor says, his cheeks turning pink.

Gavin leers at him. “You know, I never had a boy in here before.” Sneaky fingers tease the seams of Connor’s shirt, pressing against him until he is trapped in Gavin’s embrace.

Connor’s cheeks flush even darker. “Uh, I was definitely the one doing the sneaking into boys’ rooms so…”

Gavin cackles before pressing warm kisses against the side of Connor’s neck. “We’re the perfect match then, Darlin’.”

Connor leans back until Gavin finally huffs and moves his lips away from Connor’s neck. Then he gives a sleazy smile and leans up to capture his fiance’s lips. “You can always sneak me into your room.”

Gavin shakes his head but leans into the kiss, smiling.

How he got this lucky, he’ll never know.

* * *

  
Connor and Gavin are outside now, in the middle of the massive grass field next to the house, laying on a thick wool blanket and staring up at the sky. Mama Rose provided them with water, hot chocolate, a veggie tray, and cookies in a giant thermal pack along with more blankets and some cushions for them to get comfortable on, all while telling Connor about how many times she found Gavin sound asleep outside surrounded by wet star charts.

Connor found himself loving the image of sleepy, dew-covered, cowlicked Gavin so much he might spontenously combust. Gavin guessed as much by the shade of pink in Connor’s cheeks.

Now Gavin is watching Connor’s face as he watches the sprinkle of stars up above. The time is 1:17am, which is fine.

“So, this is why you’d say that you hate going to bed early,” Connor smiles, his expression entirely relaxed and peaceful. It’s one of the things Gavin has begun to admire about him. Since they’ve been together, Connor’s ability to just relax and live in the moment has ended up helping him be able to unwind too.

“Yeah. Okay, follow my finger up.”

Connor grins. “Where, there’s like a thousand of them right near your finger!”

Gavin laughs, “I’m not supposed to use the pointer, though.”

“Really, why?”

Gavin pulls the pointer out of his jacket pocket and shines it into the tree line… _far_ into the tree line.

“Holy…”

“Yeah. They say it can cause interference for planes and stuff.”

“Oh,” Connor says, making a face. “Yeah, we don’t want that. But I mean, is there air traffic out here?”

“Not too much.”

“You should be okay then. Don’t worry, I’ll arrest you if you’re not.”

Gavin rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s real comforting.” Gavin points the laser upwards, the green beam toward the star he’s intending to show. “Okay, that’s the North Star, also known as Polaris. That’s always the first star that they show you in any astronomy or star charting class, because it’s taught for navigation. It’s also the beginning of the constellation.” He points at a few more stars, and Connor smiles brightly.

“The Little Dipper!”

“Right.”

They continue this way, Gavin pointing out the names of stars and constellations. Connor is equally impressed and turned on by how much Gavin seems to know and love to study this topic. It is something that is clearly a passion to Gavin and Connor resolves to get him out here for stargazing more often.

A couple of hours later, Connor’s eyebrows pull together in confusion as he tries to name the constellations Gavin has taught him but finds that they aren’t where he thought they were. He realizes that the orientation of the Little Dipper is almost perpendicular to how it was before and he startles. “Did they all… _move?_ ”

“Sure, Darlin’, they’re always moving. The world’s still spinning, I hope.”

Connor’s eyes widen at the idea that he’s literally just seen the world turn.

Gavin leans over and kisses his cheek. “You’re adorable.”

Connor curls against him, smiling.

After a few moments, Connor asks, “Gav? Why does Adam make you upset?”

Gavin stiffens. “I… don’t want to talk about him.”

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispers, wrapping his arms around Gavin and squeezing. “Whatever happened must be really bad.”

“It honestly probably isn’t but... “ Gavin huffs, exasperated. “I’m sleepy. Let’s go inside, okay?” He untangles himself from Connor’s limbs, gathers up their things and starts inside, leaving Connor to scramble to fold up their blankets and hurry after him.

Inside, they dress for bed in silence. Connor doesn’t know whether to apologize or to be upset. He sits on the edge of the bed, confused, until Gavin says, “I’m not mad--fuck, I’m sorry. I'm not angry at you, okay?”

“I didn’t mean to make you upset,” Connor says plaintively. “You didn’t… you didn’t have to take it out on me.”

Gavin sighs and sits on the bed, crosslegged, and pulls Connor against him. “I never had any siblings. I had foster siblings in other homes, but… this was the first time I ever had an honest-to-God _brother._ He was one year ahead of me in school, and so… well, I don’t know. When he became an upperclassmen, things got weird between us at school, he was… real uptight and I was really not. I mean, not that I got bad grades or anything, I just refused to be stressed out. I found ways to have a good time and most of the time I ended up forcing him along on my escapades. He always seemed carefree when he was with me. Even though it was usually me begging him or blackmailing him to come with me.”

“Kind of like the roof story?”

“Yeah, kind of like that,” Gavin says ruefully. “We always ended up getting grounded or something for our more wild shit, but… he was always laughing with me and telling me how cool that was, or how much fun he had after.

“When he graduated high school, he avoided me completely to be with his friends that whole summer , but… I don’t know. I thought that was normal, I mean, he was getting ready to go to Alabama for college. He got a full scholarship to some fancy school down there, and well, I guess he didn’t think I was stellar enough to hang around all his fancy college friends. The day before he moved away, I had to beg him to hang out with me. I took him into the woods to the edge of the river, and we just hung out there in the quiet. No shenanigans, no wild shit. Just him and me, and fishing poles fucking around.”

“Sounds peaceful.”

“It was. I told him I was glad that I ended up in this house, and with him as a brother. He just nodded at me, you know? But at night, I was in my room and I heard Mama Rose talking to him and she said something to the effect of, ‘Well I hope you come back to visit soon.’ He literally answered, ‘I have no intention of coming back here until that loser finally has to leave.’ I haven’t tried to contact him since. It's literally been sixteen years since I heard his voice, and the last thing I heard was... well, was that.”

Connor’s jaw drops. “H-he _said_ that?”

“Yeah. Started a huge argument with Mama Rose and Tavon. He said that all I did was get him into trouble and he couldn’t wait until I left to become the deadbeat I was always meant to be.”

“Tavon, that’s your dad?”

“Yeah, he died my first year in the force. Uhm, he got cancer, and it spread so…”

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispers, pulling himself closer to Gavin.

“Me too,” Gavin says after a moment. “Anyway. Mama Rose and Tavon got really pissed that he said that, and they told him that I’m their boy too. It made me feel… really loved. I don’t think Mama Rose knows that I heard that argument. It was almost one in the morning. But I heard it all. Adam should have been my ride or die, you know? But he thought I was a homeless loser like everyone else at school. I don’t think I could even look him in the eye to this day.”

“Not even to show him that he was wrong about you?” Connor asks. “You’re not some loser or some deadbeat. You’re a great cop and you have a stable life, and we’re getting _married,_ and all of this is what you’ve worked all your life for.”

“But I didn’t work for all of this--I didn’t wait for you, fall in love with you, just to prove him wrong. I did it because I want to be somebody in the world, somebody to you.”

Connor pulls himself up and takes Gavin’s lips in a hard, demanding kiss. “You _are,_ ” he whispers. “You are the world to me.”

The corners of Gavin’s eyes crinkle as he smiles. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THIS TOOK LONG ENOUGH! I apologize for the delay.
> 
> I actually don't have an excuse other than just life and writer's block. I hope you guys love me and give me feedback anyways lol~ drop a kudos if you wanna see the grand conclusion to this whole first time the families meet bit, and let me know in the comments what other kinds of firsts you want to see next.
> 
> y'all still rock,  
> <3Daisy


	13. ... have sex (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, in case the title didn't clue you in, Gav is gonna fully freak out about sex and Connor's gonna be amused. so, I'm gonna put the ***SMUT ALERT*** right here although there's no actual fucking until part two. Just letting the masses know, I love you guys and I wanna be as clear as I can. Part 2 has very giddy, loving, highly emotional, very gay sex.
> 
> side note, we can technically consider this an epilogue to [Moving](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16092248/chapters/37583732) too, so if you wanna know what's going on in this context check that out.
> 
> Here we have Gavin and Connor taking the next step and Gavin's freak-out-ery slamming into him like a mack truck. Also, a tiny housewarming? But I don't think Gavin got into it that much, he's still freaking out. Lord help him.

* * *

“So, we should obviously invite people over this weekend.”

“Really? Already?” Gavin isn’t opposed, really, especially at the adorable enthusiasm on his face. However, “that’s literally tomorrow…? And we still have to set up our bedroom.”

“Fine, Sunday. Housewarming lunch on Sunday. We’ll have all of tomorrow _and_ saturday after our new bedroom set gets in to put clothes away and stuff.”

“It’s so last minute, Darlin’,” Gavin continues to protest. Okay, maybe he is opposed. But he has valid reasons, okay? Last minute housewarming somehow seems like a terrible idea.

Connor pouts, and Gavin turns away, holding up his hand. “Nope don’t do it. Your cute face isn’t gonna have to convince me, okay? I just want to make sure you don’t feel all rushed and stressed once we commit to this, okay? Remember that the new bedroom set will most likely take all of saturday for the delivery people to put together.”

Connor huffs. “They don’t have to see the bedroom, do they?”

Gavin chuckles. “It overlooks the living room, Darlin’, how could they not be curious?”

“We can do it,” Connor says confidently.

Gavin shrugs. “Alright, then. Let’s get to all of this unpacking.”

* * *

 

The apartment is lovely. It’s on an 11th floor, a top floor, and it has a beautiful view. There is a small loft that overlooks the living room, and that’s where they’ve put the bedroom. Off to one side is a bathroom that has no tub, only a shower with a sink and toilet. The downstairs, under the steps, has a half-bathroom as well. Next to it and under their room is the kitchen, relatively spacious and decorated to seem airy and even larger than it actually is. Beyond that is a living space that has a glass wall which leads to their tiny balcony.

They’ve bought new couches and patio furniture, and new things for the kitchen. The living room is decorated in shades of gray, allowing the navy and deep blue accents to stand out. On the walls there are no colors, but grayscale photos of them have been printed on large canvasses and set around the space. They each chose two to print, and Gavin cried when he saw the results of Connor’s choices (although he’ll kill anyone that threatens to expose him for this). The first was a selfie they took in the amusement park while they were in Virginia. Connor’s face is slightly tan and, in the original color photo, red from the sun. in this large grayscale, his skin simply looks slightly darkened, the way it did in the weeks after their time away in the sun. Gavin’s face is similar, but he’s not looking at the camera; he is looking at Connor like the younger man might disappear if he looks away. Their smiles and laughter still echoing in Gavin’s ears as they stood in front of ‘The Intimidator 305’ sign that was neatly centered in their background.

The other picture is the one that Gavin can’t stop looking at, the one that still chokes him up. It’s a picture that Kenny took of them once, sitting on his couch watching movies one night while they were visiting. The photo is shot from the waist up, a close up of them with only the couch in the background; Connor was fully in his lap, their chests pressed together. Gavin’s fingers wound their way into Connor’s hair, and his other hand was tracing soothing (to Gavin) circles on Connor’s back. Connor’s fingers were trailing over his face: tracing his eyebrow, tickling the bridge of his nose, whispering along his jawline and under his chin the they are in the photo, their gazes and their touches and their souls completely lost in each other, in their moment together. They hadn’t noticed Kenny snapping the picture until they got it in a message from him weeks later, saying, “you guys give me hope.”

The fact that Connor still looks at him that way sometimes is everything to him, and Gavin promises himself he won’t let this part of them die.

Gavin’s pictures had been goofy: one photo was of them throwing wrapping paper at each other after Christmas, and the other was of them ribbing each other while still in their police uniforms.

They also each chose smaller prints to hang in smaller wall spaces, such as an 8x10 of Connor and Kenny, and another 8x10 of Gavin laying in the grass. There were 4x6 and 3x5 canvasses also of Lieutenant Anderson with Connor (Gavin will never have the nerve to call the man Hank, despite everything) and photos of Connor at the range shooting, or at home cooking, or something along those lines.

Their bedroom has more intimate prints. One is of Connor asleep, shirtless, surrounded by blankets and resting his head happily on Gavin’s shoulder. Another features them pressed close together, their lips locked in a kiss that still makes Gavin’s lips tingle when he sees the picture. Another large frame above their bed shows Connor in Gavin’s lap (boy, he ends up there a lot), his head thrown back in sheer ecstasy, and Gavin’s lips nipping at Connor’s throat. To be completely honest, Gavin has no idea how Connor managed to get that, as it appears to be a selfie, and Gavin was far too occupied to try and take one.

Their walls are lined with a collage of candids from their lives and the life they’ve built together, and Connor finds this to be the most soothing part of their home. Gavin agrees heartily. “We couldn’t have decorated better,” he said as they hung their last photo.

Their room still carries the shades of gray; dark, gray-stained wood of the bed frame and nightstands accents the white wall and brushed metal lamps are accented with an alarm (on Gavin’s side, he’s the better morning person, albeit one that mainlines coffee) and simple night table accents on Connor’s side. Each night stand has space underneath for books and their lockboxes, which hold their off-duty weapons. The bedspread is gun-metal gray and and red. Connor spared no expense and bought some ridiculously expensive cotton blend shit online, but now as he and Gavin make their brand new bed, he is grateful for the soft, cooling fabric.

Tucking the corners of the sheet in, he freezes in his tracks. _This is their bed. Together._

_Holy shit._

Connor has been in his bed. They’ve come together in his bed. He’s felt the give of Connor’s too-soft mattress underneath him as he’s felt Connor’s soft pants and whimpers wash over him.

But, they’ve never jointly owned a bed. And, they’ve never fully made love before.

There are reasons for this. In the very beginning, when Connor was coming off his ridiculous, one-sided relationship with Markus, he hadn’t wanted Gavin to feel like a rebound, so they’d taken it slow. There had also been a deeper issue of, Connor had felt used by his ex, and even though he knew things with Gavin would be different, he still felt a bit insecure and wanted time for their relationship to grow its own identity. Gavin understands this and has never pushed the topic, glad to find other ways to show Connor the depth of his love and attraction for the younger man, up to and including blowjobs, hand jobs, and just silly making out and dry-humping like teenagers.

The reason that gives Gavin the most pause is, Connor is rather switchy and open to trying things, which is great, but Markus preferred to bottom most of the time, with the only exception being when the jerk felt Connor distancing himself and wanted him to stay, to _feel_ loved. Connor is free from that kind of manipulation now, and while blushing his pretty face off, admitted once that he wants to bottom more often.

Gavin has literally not topped for someone since before he even _met_ Connor. God, he feels like a virgin with how anxious that makes him. It feels natural though, with how they are in their day-to-day interactions, the way Connor loves to be cuddled and adored, and how easy it is to do that for him.

Still, he’s afraid to not meet Connor’s expectations. Now they _live_ together, and this _will_ happen _._ Gavin and Connor’s bed in Gavin and Connor’s place, where Gavin and Connor will inevitably sleep together and _sleep together._

It’s caught him completely off guard.

Fuck, what if Connor hates this? What if he hates the sex, or the way Gavin is all the time at home? What if Connor hates everything about living with him and kicks him out? Fuck. Fuckity, fucking McFuck. Oh, he’s fucked up. He’s really stepped in it now, and he’s going to get his heart ripped out. Fuck, he _knew_ he was bad at living with people. He’s been good at making Connor happy so far, but what made him think that would continue once Connor was trapped in the same apartment with him all the time? Fuck. Fucking Fuckity epic _fuck!_

Oh shit. Did he really? Did he… did he trap Connor into moving with him, _marrying_ him? He did, didn’t he? He is a special kind of asshole. This will never work, and he’s going to get his heart ripped out, and worse, Connor is going to be shattered all over again.

Holy fucking rainbow fucking, motherfuck of all fucking fuckity fucks.

“Gav?”

“Eh—what? Sorry,” he says sheepishly. “What’s up, Darlin’?”

Connor’s left eyebrow climbs. “What’s up with _you_? You’re all wigged out.”

“I’m… fine,” he manages, very unconvincingly.

“You’re four seconds away from hyperventilation.”

“Uh, just… nervous a bit. About this party.”

Connor frowns, clearly disbelieving, but thankfully changes the subject.“Hey, did you invite your new partner?”

Gavin finally smirks. “Checking out the competition?”

“I can’t if you don’t bring her over,” Connor says, finishing up and then crossing his arms.

“Better tell her to stay home then,” Gavin says, fishing his phone out of his back pocket.

Connor immediately lunges for it, huffing a “hey!” under his breath when Gavin yanks it away, holding it far away from them. “Give it! Don’t--you had better not cancel on her!”

Gavin cackles and pretends to text out loud, “Hey, Chen, sorry but my fiancé thinks you’re not good enough for me so it’s best if you--oof,” he huffs as Connor tackles him right onto the bed they just made. He successfully pins Gavin’s arms after a tussle, and snatches the phone away, only letting the older man up when he is satisfied that the message was fake.

They both stay in a gleeful, laughing heap on the now-wrinkled sheets of their bed, _Connor and Gavin’s bed,_ until the first guest arrives.

~

Chen turns out to be alright. They’ve joked about her measuring up to Connor as a partner, but Connor had low-key been anxious about who Gavin’s new partner would be since they’d disclosed their relationship and asked for transfers (Thankfully, Sarge wasn’t one of those stick-up-the-ass, relationships-in-the-workplace-constitute- sexual-harassment types, something that had been a very real fear for them especially in the beginning. Instead, she’d rolled her eyes and handed them each pink forms to fill out. They didn’t even have to switch precincts when they got back to work). Now Gavin has a partner named Tina Chen, a tough, down to earth type with a very no-bullshit attitude that Gavin vibes with well.

In the two weeks since, Connor had yet to talk to her more than a passing hello or goodbye. She seemed friendly enough, but after years of being Gavin’s partner at work, he worried about the woman having his back. Thankfully, she fits right in with them, and soon she has Connor cackling over all of Gavin’s bullshit, much to his embarrassment. They trade stories and Connor warns her about Gavin’s blatant conning and bribing to take extra shifts, and she admits that she’s fallen victim to one or two of those.

Hank is relatively sober lately and managed to come to the housewarming party and smile at all the pictures hanging everywhere while Connor proudly introduced him to (let him intimidate) his own new partner as well as Gavin’s. Kenny calls by FaceTime while at work since he isn’t able to come. Gavin’s foster mother also calls him, and they say hello together. It’s a quiet affair, however, with only a few close friends from the precinct coming in for a late lunch with them and Hank.

When they’re all gone, Connor starts cleaning up quickly, rinsing dishes off to put in the dishwasher while Gavin throws out all the wrapping and tissue paper from the various housewarming gifts their friends brought or sent along with their partners.

They clean in silence until Connor asks, “are you going to tell me what’s bothering you now?”

Gavin tried, he really did. He tried to be normal, tried to be a happy the way people normally are when they move in with the love of their lives, and Connor really is the love of his life. “You’re the love of my life,” he blurts out stupidly.

Connor takes off the awkward yellow gloves, dumping them on a paper towel, and immediately tucks himself against Gavin like Gavin was made to hold him. He probably was, to be honest. Once he’s snuggled close, he says, “You know, I didn’t think I had it in me.”

“What?”

“I thought I was going to fuck this up. I thought I didn’t have it in me to love you.”

“Why?”

“Because I felt… thrown away. I felt useless, and worthless. I felt like I was being selfish, somehow.”

Gavin swallows. “What changed your mind?”

Connor meets his eyes and smiles. “You did. You showed me that you value me--but you showed me how I can and should value myself. I feel worthy of you, you know? Worthy of us, and all of this. I _can’t wait_ for the rest of forever with you.”

Gavin’s eyes are red and watery, he knows it, but he won’t give in to crying. He won’t give in, he won’t--

“I feel like I’m going to fuck this up.”

“Why?” Connor asks quietly.

“Because I… I feel how you felt. I feel like I don’t deserve you. I’m scared that now that we’ll be together all the time you’re going to really _see,_ and it’s going to ruin everything. I… we made our bed today for the first time.”

“Hmm. I thought that was what wigged you out.”

“I’m not wigged out!” Gavin protests.

Connor just arches an eyebrow again.

“Okay, I just… I fucking worship you, okay? And I adore you and I love you, and I want you with me all the time too. I… have spent all this time berating myself in advance for fucking this up and, intellectually, I know that isn’t necessary. I know that we’re okay, that we’re good. I’m the best I’ve ever been with you. I don’t know why I’m so… so _scared._ ”

Connor pulls away for a moment, going up into their bedroom and leaving Gavin standing in the kitchen in confusion. When he comes back, he hands Gavin an envelope. “I figured I should give you a housewarming, too.”

Gavin opens the envelope like it’s filled to the brim with Anthrax. The handwritten letter gives him chills, and his hands never stop shaking as he starts to read.

_Dear Gavin,_

_Happy Housewarming? Congratulations? I don’t really know how to open this. I just want to tell you that I love you, all of you, and I’m glad that we get to take this step together._

_The next few weeks are going to be crazy. I know you’re used to being in my house the way I’m used to being in yours. But now we’re starting a home together and that’s probably going to be hard. We’re probably going to bicker a lot or constantly fuck with each other’s stuff or something, I don’t know. I can’t tell you what’s going to happen next_

_I can tell you that we’re going to probably have some growing pains. I can tell you that you’re probably going to hate my guts when I blast the music the way I used to at home, and I can tell you I’ll probably hate yours in the morning--that’s why the alarm is on *your* side of the bed._

_I can also tell you that even in those moments where we probably hate each other, I will  still love you. You’ve made everything I’ve been through worth it, and I would go through all of it again just so that you will kiss me in the morning so I don’t throw your alarm out the balcony and down 11 stories._

Gavin laughs out loud. “I’m going to figure out an alarm that you don’t hate, Darlin’,” he whispers.

“Please,” Connor pleads desperately as Gavin continues reading.

_I know you love me even when you want to throw my sound system out the same way too. We got used to each other as partners at work. We learned our groove and our buttons not to push, and our limits, and each other’s strengths and weaknesses. It was an adjustment, but look at us now._

_Every moment of my day I think of you. Every time I’m scared, you tell me that I’m strong. Ever time I’m stubborn, you put me in my place. Every time I’m wrong, you love me right. Every time I’ve had to cry or be upset, you’ve held me. Every time I get to laugh, I picture your smiling face and sometimes…_

_Well, sometimes I’m lucky enough to see you smile and laugh in person too.  I’m so honored to be the one that gets to know every detail about you, all your favorite and least favorite things, the one that gets to use those things to love you and make you happy. I swear now that, as we get into this, I’ll only ever use that sacred knowledge to try to give you a life you deserve. I’m also honored to know your thoughts and feelings, to know how you think and how deep your thoughts and emotions run. That’s why I’m also honored to be the one that gets to tell you this now, because I know you’re probably internally freaking out:_

_We’ve got this, baby. *You’ve* got this. I love you forever._

_Connor ❤_

Gavin gives up. He wraps his arms tightly around his fiance’s body, pulling him close. He breathes deep, inhaling Connor’s scent, and exhales harshly, the heat of his tears mixing with the heat of his breath in Connor’s shirt. “Fucking hell,” he mumbles. “I love you too. You made me cry, asshole.”

Connor laughs. “I love you, Gav.”

“I love you too,’ Darlin’.”

“Gav?”

“Hmm?”

“Let’s go to bed.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, they're cute. Gavin is a mess. I love them both.  
> drop a kudos down there if ya like this, and what you think about this rounding out the Moving thing so far.  
> again, fair warning, ***SMUT ALERT*** coming soon. very soon, like probs within the next few hours.
> 
> y'all rock,  
> <3Daisy


	14. ... have sex (part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't understand why porn gets so lengthy! this was supposed to be one chapter, but the one chapter is literally 17 pages and 6300 words. so here you go, part fucking two. I am so sorry.  
> hey, in case the title AND the last chapter didn't tip you off, ***SMUT ALERT*** very hot, sweet, gay, and kind of awkward at first sex is ensuing now.

Their bed is big, but they pull themselves right against each other, the soft, expensive sheets wrapping around Gavin luxuriously and making him hyper aware of how close Connor is, and how very little he is wearing.

And how he’s nosing along Gavin’s throat. And now his tongue is tracing Gavin’s adam’s apple with unlikely precision.

“Darlin…”

He can feel Connor’s pouting already forming. “Gav?”

Gavin tilts his head away as well as he can, loving the happy little sigh he feels against his skin.

“I like this,” Connor decides, his lips still busy with Gavin’s skin. They’ve moved on to his chin now, exploring their way to his lips.

“Me too,” Gavin answers softly. He meets Connor’s lips readily, enjoying his contagious bliss and wandering hands. His own move over the skin of Connor’s back before travelling down, pulling Connor’s legs until their hips and arousals touch as Connor straddles him. He pouts. “I hate your shorts,” he groans.

Gavin’s nerves kick up again, but Connor’s nails have scraped over his skin, raising goosebumps on his chest and ripping a groan from his throat. “Connor…”

“Gav,” Connor says in his ear, “I want you.” His voice is all honey and smoke, and Gavin can’t help his chill.

“I… how do you…?” his lust-fogged, very anxious brain can barely formulate the question and barely registers Connor digging around in Gavin’s nightstand until he reveals a little, white squeeze bottle.

Now Gavin’s eyes pop wide open. “When’d you get that in there?”

“When you weren’t looking,” Connor says saucily. They still use lube sometimes, obviously, but not enough to have some on-hand! Gavin naturally overthinks the implication of the white bottle until Connor sighs.

“Gavin, if you don’t wan-”

“Nope, stop right there. I want you, _God_ I want you, Darlin’, I’m just…” Gavin slides his hands over his face, exasperated with himself. “I’m freaking out, okay?”

“I know,” Connor says dryly.

“We’ve never done, y’know, all of this, and-I don’t want you to feel like, well, now we live together, I guess we have to. And, not to mention, you told me you want… well, you told me you want _me_ to fuck _you,_ and that’s great, but what if you hate it?”

“Then we won’t do it that way again,” Connor says, amusement in his voice. “I told you, also, that I’m okay with either way, and that I love you, and that I want to make this the best for both of us.”

“That simple, huh?”

“Uh-huh.” Connor’s hands start moving on his torso again, flicking at his nipple or tracing along his sides and stomach muscles.

“You’re not worried about… about me fucking it up?”

“No, _you’re_ worried about you fucking it up. _I’m_ worried about you ruining the mood before I can ride you.”

Gavin chokes, but then he shakes his head. He gives up. The majority of his panic slips away with his next breath, and he chooses instead to let himself believe that after everything they’ve been through together, Connor isn’t going to stop loving him. Not now, not ever. He reinforces that thought by running his finger over Connor’s lips, up into his hair, all over his face. Connor smiles, leaning into the affection and cementing the idea in Gavin’s mind. _Connor is not going anywhere._ It echoes Connor’s promise two months ago, when they were still recovering from their injuries: _Once I have you with me, we’re not moving._

Reaching up around Connor, he pulls the younger man underneath him, flipping them over. Their duvet slips onto the floor.

“Mm-mm,” he says quietly, and he hears Connor’s breaths pick up, “If we’re going to do this, I’m going to love every inch of you first. After that, if you can still move, you can ride me, Darlin’.”

Connor swallows.

He starts with a soft, loving kiss on Connor’s forehead, and more on his cheeks. He takes Connor’s lips, and Connor moans into his mouth greedily, sucking a little bit on Gavin’s tongue. Eventually Gavin gives up the sensation in favor of tasting Connor’s neck. There’s a scar there now, still bright pink and slowly fading. He kisses it mournfully from end to end, trying not to let those memories frighten him. He doesn’t remember much, to be honest--just the loud _pop pop pop pop_  and the screech of the car, and then blinding white pain before empty black. He remembers waking up and looking around for Connor, though, and the terrible, gnawing panic he felt when he didn’t see him.

He’s seen Connor bleeding before, shot before. He kisses each of those scars as reverently as he did the first: a thin white line on Connor’s forearm from a knife. The two pucker marks in his left shoulder, one much more faded than the other but both too close to his heart. There have been too many times where he could have lost this beautiful person underneath him, and that makes his eyes burn again.

He kisses down toward Connor’s chest, lets his lips linger right over his rapidly-thumping pulse. Connor’s life was full of only heartbreak when they met. He was sad, melancholy. Gavin reminds himself that this heartbeat started becoming a happy one when he met him.

He slips his tongue along the detailed muscle line between his pecs, and then traces across to one, flat, peachy circle, then the other. Connor’s hands fly into his hair, holding him there, so he takes his time tasting each one in turn, sucking it between his lips, and then between his teeth. Connor’s sharp gasps and high little sounds make him smirk a little. He redoubles his effort, using the flat of his tongue, winding his hand up to play with the other nipple too. He gets the result he wanted when his name tears from Connor’s lips in a groan: “ _Gavin!”_

“Mm,” he says, purposely leaving his lips just brushing Connor’s skin as he speaks, “you’re so tasty, baby.” He emphasizes his point by licking a tiny stripe over Connor’s nipple, flicking at it with the tip of his tongue. Connor’s fingers tighten in his hair. “Okay, okay,” he chuckles, sucking it back between his teeth and continuously flicking at it with his tongue. Connor yelps at the sharp sensation and then moans as Gavin teases him relentlessly.

Gavin files away his knowledge of this sensitivity for another day, and moves on.

Connor is ticklish. When he’s doing dishes sometimes, Gavin sneaks up behind him and blows on the back of his neck, or digs his fingertips into Connor’s sides. He never imagined that this would translate so beautifully in the bedroom, though, until now when he traces his fingers and then his tongue over Connor’s sides and Connor frankly doesn’t know what to do. His skin raises goosebumps, his soft pants turn into whimpers, but his body jerks and trembles the way it does when he can’t escape Gavin’s tickling torment. Still somehow, it doesn’t seem the same. In fact, he can feel the way Connor’s dick twitches between them, and every time he manages to get Connor to cry out this way, Connor’s erection does a little crying of its own, despite the way his body thrashes and jerks.

The best part is that Connor is sensitive, maybe even ticklish, just around his belly button. Gavin spends a lot time there, amusing himself with Connor’s slow descent into madness. He wants Connor to _need_ him, and he teases lower and lower, before going back and flicking at that little spot under Connor’s navel with the tip of his tongue, until Connor finally growls, “aggh-fuck, please just suck me already, please!”

Gavin happily obliges. He wastes no time teasing Connor’s member. Instead, he sucks it as far back as he can on the first go, and then he slowly moves back, allowing his cheeks to create a bit of suction, which he focuses right on the very tip. He sees as Connor’s eyes roll back in his head, and he lets go just as Connor says, “yes-fuck, like that. It's so good, Gav.”

“Like this?” Gavin licks a path all the way down the underside of his shaft… and keeps on going. He spends some time there, cleaning every bit of precum off of the skin over Connor’s sensitive balls. He likes feeling of when they tighten or flex in response to the stimulation. Connor’s fingers are twisting in the sheets now, endless moans and pleas showing Gavin what to do next.

He taps Connor’s knee. “Turn over, baby.”

“W-wh-huh?”

“Turn over, baby,” Gavin repeats. He sits crosslegged on the bed and pulls Connor’s ass right to eye level, snatching the little white bottle off the bed as he goes. He busies his hands with Connor’s cock and balls, pressing a kiss to one cheek, and then the other. Connor’s legs shake. He understands this, now, and something tells Gavin that he fucking loves it already.

He flicks the tip of his tongue around and around the circle of pink--it’s already pulsing, clenching and releasing in anticipation. He draws this out, teasing. “You can come more than once, can’t you baby?”

Connor nods, whimpering.

“Good.”

Gavin pushes his tongue right up against Connor’s hole, but not inside. He licks it again and again, simple stripes at different angles, teasing until the pink of it darkens, and it even gets shiny and wet from his spit. He presses his tongue slightly inside, little by little. Connor’s ass looks desperately for more, grinding back onto his face. Gavin decides he likes having his face buried in Connor’s ass. He works his tongue inside, tasting and loving every bit of Connor just like he promised he would, and he feels in his hand when Connor’s balls pull tight, how Connor’s cock flexes, ready to spill.

He pulls away.

Connor moans. “Gav,” he whispers, “Gavin please…”

He goes back to teasing anyway. Still fully aware that they aren’t just ‘fooling around’ tonight, he lubes up his fingers, relinquishing his relentless teasing of Connor’s balls in favor of working one finger inside the sweet little hole he just tasted.

Connor shakes.

“Feel good, beautiful?” he murmurs. Connor’s ass is still close enough to his face that the words blow on him, causing him to clench delightfully around Gavin’s finger.

“Oh God,” Connor groans.

Gavin happily strokes into Connor’s ass with his finger, eventually adding another. Connor loves the teasing even though he says he hates it, so he presses in with a second, only to barely miss his prostate with each stroke, until Connor's little whimpers of protest turn into full whines.

He knows now that he wants Connor to come on his fingers, but he also wants to properly lube him, so he takes his time, teasing Connor back to the brink of insanity before adding a third and starting all over again. Connor’s thighs are twitching now, trying to move somehow, trying to tremble, maybe, but Connor’s body is too mixed up by all the pleasure signals to know which way to move, so he holds still and lets Gavin have his way.

Gavin fucking loves this. Honestly, how could he have thought that this would go sideways? He knows Connor’s body like it’s his own. He knows how he wants Connor to come, and how he’s going to make that happen. Connor is _his_ to love now, and he is still intent on loving every part of him.

He strokes some more, occasionally removing his fingers to get his tongue back in there and loving the soft little whine that Connor gives every time he does it. This time, though, Gavin times his strokes of Connor’s cock with the stroke of all three of his fingers, pushing in as deep as he can and pressing right on that soft little spot. Once, twice, three times. Connor comes on a yell, his whole body tensing and his hips jerking. When he withdraws his fingers, he’s supremely satisfied with the way Connor’s asshole gapes and flutters.

He allows Connor to go limp, pushing him onto his back again, and pressing light kisses all over his face, down his neck again, teasing with his tongue until Connor’s dick is twitching between them again. They kiss heatedly, and Connor struggles for a second with Gavin’s sleep shorts before Gavin shoves them off and they land on the floor over the duvet. Connor reaches for his cock immediately, spreading the drops of precum around with his palm and finger tips. His lips move to Gavin’s ear, where he sucks the pulse there, and then his earlobe, until Gavin knows he’s going to have to cover that. He doesn’t care.

Connor mouths along Gavins throat, probably creating another hicky at some point, before moving along to Gavin’s chest. His hands are busy stroking Gavin now, and Gavin decides that it would be better if he could lean against the headboard so that Connor has better access. Connor happily sucks at his collar bone and his nipples, but he has a one track mind. He’s slicked Gavin’s dick down to the hilt in lube, and now he’s straddling Gavin’s hips and letting Gavin’s cock rub between his ass cheeks, right over his still-sensitive hole.

Gavin waits. He lets Connor have this--he wants it and Gavin wants him to be happy-- but he has no intention of letting Connor ride him… yet. Still, his cock sliding over Connor’s ass feels divine. When Connor lines himself up and starts to sink down, Gavin’s mind goes blank and white.

“Holy fuck, Connor!” he manages, trying not to thrust while Connor slowly accommodates him.

Connor’s breaths come in pants now. Gavin grips both of his hands to steady him, and Connor’s eyes find his, full of too many emotions to try to describe. The second he’s sitting comfortably, Gavin’s cock fully engulfed, he lunges forward. Gavin meets his lips in a searing, soulful kiss, and Gavin can’t tell if he’s thanking him, or if he’s trying to say he loves him, but the moan that rips out of his throat seems to come out of the very bottom of his soul.

He wastes no time turning them back over, Connor’s “hey!” of protest cut off by a “fuck!” as Gavin pulls back and thrusts into him hard. Another thrust is met with another yelp from Connor. He picks up speed, setting a rhythm that drives into him hard and fast, fueled by the younger man’s strangled gasps and desperate, whining curses.

He meets Connor’s eyes with a dark look on his face. “You wanna ride me, baby?”

Connor tilts his head, letting his expression turn coy. He licks his lips and says, “I wanna ride you, Daddy,” and Gavin’s cock flexes inside him, his body suddenly hot and flushed.

Apparently, Gavin has a Daddy kink. “Fuck you,” he growls, and Connor’s laughter cuts off in a gasp as Gavin does exactly that. “So I’m Daddy now, huh? You love sitting on Daddy’s cock now?”

“Fuck, yes, yes! Gav--”

“Nuh-uh,” Gavin growls. “You started this, now you’re going to finish the same way. You wanna ride me, beautiful?” He lowers himself until he’s right next to Connor’s ear, pinning him and changing the momentum of his thrusts from a full thrust to fully buried, barely-thrusting, rolling of his hips, pressing his cock deeper and deeper, grinding it against Connor’s walls, against that _spot_ that he knows will drive his beautiful fiance absolutely wild.

Connor’s reaction is instant. his breath releases in a strangled scream, his whole body arching, trying to escape, but not being able to because of Gavin’s weight on top of him. “Gav--fuck, _fuck--_ ”

Gavin tsks, momentarily pulling his fingers through Connor’s hair and hanking back on it. “What was that?” he asks, kissing along Connor’s now-exposed throat. “Please, Daddy,” he whimpers. “I want to ride you.”

He gives Connor the same treatment he got, nipping and licking until he’s satisfied with a tiny, mouth-shaped mark he’s left next to Connor’s Adams apple and more than satisfied with Connor’s little whimpers.

“Please let me ride you,” he begs in a whisper.

Gavin looks decidedly unconvinced.

“Please, I want to sit on you cock, I want to bounce on it until you come all inside me, please!” The pout™ is forming on his face, now complete with watery, desperate eyes. “Please, Daddy?”

Gavin does his best to kiss the pout away from his lips, slowly pulling out and rolling onto his back, bringing Connor with him. Connor gasps at the sudden emptiness, but immediately swings his leg over Gavin’s body and sinks onto him with a quiet, “oh--f-fuck!”

Gavin can’t help himself, he has to have his hands somewhere on Connor’s body. He slides them up Connor’s thighs, over his sides, gently over his arms. He takes the moment to appreciate how truly beautiful Connor is. He lets his thoughts ramble about how fucking lucky he is, about how much he loves Connor, about how fucking perfect, hot, beautiful, life changing this moment has been.

And naturally, his thoughts fall right out of his mouth, his filter destroyed by his lust. “I never thought I would get to have this with you.”

Connor freezes, meeting his eyes for a moment. “Gav?”

“I… used to look at you, and watch you sing, and buy you fucking donuts and coffee and think that was the best I’d ever get. I used to think I would never have this with you--have you like this, I… and now, you’re my whole world and you just called me Daddy. On purpose!”

Connor leans down and kisses him deeply, his smile lighting him up from his toes to the tips of his ears. It turns coy again. “I actually asked, begged, even to ride you, Daddy.”

“Well then get on with it,” Gavin grouses, and Connor cackles. His laughter does interesting things to both of them, and Connor’s head falls back at the sensation. He braces himself on Gavin’s shoulders, lifting up and sinking down again and again, his pace leisurely and sexy.

Gavin pulls himself up against the headboard again, wanting to be closer to him. As soon as he realizes he can put his arms all the way around Connor, he pulls him in and kisses him until they’re both breathless and dazed.

“I love you,” Connor blurts.

“I love you,” Gavin answers. He feels calmer now than he has in a long time.

Connor’s hips switch from a slow up-and-down to rolling when Gavin reaches between them and starts stroking him in time with his movements. He takes the opportunity to lap at Connor’s neck when his head falls back in ecstasy.

They come together eventually, Gavin gripping Connor’s hips and thrusting upwards into him while Connor seizes against him, burying his face in Gavin’s shoulder as he moans his release. They don’t bother with the mess they’ve made. They just hold each other tightly, contentedly. Connor falls asleep with his face still tucked against Gavin’s shoulder and Gavin slips into slumber soon after, feeling like he is on top of the world.

* * *

 

In the morning Gavin wakes up to a stake of pancakes with strawberries and scrambled eggs, and a note with the words, _“I love you, Daddy.”_

He decides that he can get used to this, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey thanks for sticking around. if ya like this drop a kudos and motivate me to write more pr0nnn
> 
> quick reminder, i am putting these chapters in their order in the story, so i apologize if my shuffling chapters around is confusing people! these two chapters will be put in their correct sequential location sometimes in the week.
> 
> y'all rock,  
> <3Daisy


	15. ... get pets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little LOL after last chapter's madness, and before we jump back into more madness.

Gavin always deletes the spam mail notifications on Connor’s lock screen but this day he is five minutes too late due to cutting himself shaving. Connor has to go through his own damn mail for once, and he can hear Connor screech all the way from their bathroom. “What?” he yells. “Are you okay?!”

Connor pushes into the bathroom and thrusts his phone forward, showing the photo in the mirror for Gavin to see.

_ URGENT _ _   
_ _ Sunshine and Midnight, bonded pair, age 6 months _ _   
_ _ Available for adoption _ _   
_ _ Birthdays: March 29 and April 1 _ __   
  


“We’re not getting cats.”

“Gav… but they’re adorable. You love cats. These cats are literally the cutest cats on earth.”

“Baby we just moved here a few months ago. Let me have you to myself a little longer.”

“Gav, the shelter is full, they’ll get sent away or put down. They don’t have any longer. Can we just visit them? Please?”

Gavin finishes his face and sighs. “Con…”

There’s that fucking look again, the wide-eyed, through the lashes pout that looks so heartbreaking that he can’t even look too long. “Gav?  _ Please? _ ” It works every time, and Gavin internally kicks himself for falling victim to the pout. Still, the look disarms him and he relents, rinsing his face and adding moisturizer and aftershave.

He knows that he’s getting cats today now. “Fine. Just a visit.”

* * *

 

The shelter is across town. When they finally get there, Gavin resigns himself again to owning cats before the day is done, and he decides he’ll do his best to share Connor’s excitement. He bounds into the shelter and talks to the front desk, showing them the picture he saw and asking to be able to visit them. Gavin puts his hand on Connor’s knee while they wait to keep it from bouncing. Connor clutches at his arm. 

“I want them,” he pouts.

“I know Darlin’, we’ll get to see them soon okay?”

The lady finally lets them into a special visitation space they’ve set up to play with the cats, and Connor is practically in tears. “I love them,” he whispers. 

The first kitten is tiny and playful, rubbing against Connor before darting away. Connor takes a fluffy mouse toy to play with, giggling for all the world like a schoolgirl when the furry creature starts batting at it with enthusiasm and meowing loudly. She is calico colored, patches of orange, black or white all over her body and green eyes that stand out on her tiny face.

The other cat is black as night, and he sits quietly observing the situation before he stealthily approaches Gavin, who crouches to greet him. “Hey you,” he whispers. 

The cat eyes him for a moment, and then hops onto his knee, balancing there for a moment to sniff at his face. Gavin can’t help himself, he laughs.

They spend three hours there, Connor using toys to get the calico, Sunshine, to play with him and Gavin laying on the floor so that Midnight can climb all over him.

The volunteers all laugh and giggle at the shenanigans and the perpetual pout that Connor develops once he sees that Gavin is getting along better with Midnight than he is with Sunshine, who still darts away from him and tries to steal the toys he has.

“You didn’t even want a cat!” he grumbles.

Gavin just smiles. “They’re not so bad.”

They leave the cats in the shelter for one more day so that they have time to buy supplies and prepare the apartment. 

They spend the entire night discussing names. They do not want to keep the shelter names but are having a very difficult time finding better ones. Eventually Gavin decides that the black kitten that had climbed all over him would be called Toothless after the animated dragon movies (which he still adores, fight him about it).

Naturally Connor hates it.

“He has teeth, why would he be named toothless?!”

“That’s not--it’s because it’s from a movie, Darlin’, one of my favorite animated ones.”

“What about space names instead? Also, can we watch it?” Connor pulls himself against Gavin’s side, looking up at him just so.

“Sure Darlin’,” Gavin says with a laugh. “And what do you mean space names?”

“I like Jupiter.”

Gavin arches an eyebrow. “Jupiter and...?”

“Cosmo.”

Gavin gives up. “Okay. Jupiter and Cosmo.”

* * *

 

Cosmo and Jupiter make it home the next day in the afternoon and immediately try to explore the entire apartment, including perching on the loft that overlooks the living/dining room and surveying the room for all the world like stern royalty.

Connor is immediately taking pictures and spamming his instagram story with pictures, videos and hashtags, _#rescuekittens #bestfriends #JupeandCosmo_ and god knows whatever else.

At night Gavin finally goes through all of the instagram footage. There’s a black and white photo of him laying on the couch with the multicolored ball of fluff on his stomach and a black ball of fluff directly on his head, and he looks genuinely happy, laughing hysterically at the feel of the cat hair tickling his face and head.

The caption says _‘Mr. We’re Not Getting Cats’_

Feeling called out, he comments immediately, _“You pouted at me what was I supposed to do?”_

* * *

 

Night time presents another challenge that Gavin finds… poetic. Jupiter and Cosmo decide that Gavin is their bed, and they don’t want to share it with anyone, even Connor.

At midnight, Connor rolls over with the intention of curling against his fiancee for comfort, only to be met with an angry hiss.

Gavin can’t help himself, he bursts out laughing. “Mister  _ Please, Gav, we need these cats _ !”

Connor groans. “Was’minefirsht,” he mumbles sleepily, glaring at Jupiter with only one eye before pulling himself against Gavin with purpose.

“Aww baby,” Gavin cackles. He takes Jupiter off his chest and drops her on the ground, where she struts away, grumbling irritably. He wraps an arm around Connor’s shoulders and pull him closer. “I love you too,” he chuckles into Connor’s hair.

Connor sounds a lot like the cats when he growls, “Go to sleep.”


	16. ... meet the parents (part 3 - Kenny and Adam)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first time Connor and Gavin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gavin is freaking out because he invited his long-lost brother to his wedding and he's positive things won't go well--except they do, thanks to Lieutenant dad.  
> Also, Kenny meets Mama Rose.

“Gav? Gav!”

“What, Darlin’ what?!”

“Did you go through these RSVPs like I told you to?”

“No baby, I just walked in the door. Give me a minute, jeez.”

Connor huffs. “So did I,” he pouts. He’s still peeling himself out of his clothes, hopping on one foot toward the bathroom as he yanks off his other shoe and pant leg.

Gavin trails behind him, enjoying the sight of Connor’s ass neatly sculpted and covered in tight, smooth black from his boxer briefs. He reaches out and gives one cheek a squeeze before dumping his bag near the railing of the loft that over looks the rest of their apartment. He also kicks off his shoes, socks, and civs and then ducks into the bathroom just as Connor turns the shower on. “Can I join you?” He purposely lets his voice drop, and he sees Connor’s dick twitch in response.

Connor turns to him and plants a firm kiss on his lips. “I love you, but I’m gross.”

“You sure are nasty, Darlin’,” Gavin leers.

“Shut up.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll hop in in five?”

“Please,” Connor says. He looks embarrassed.

“What the hell happened to you anyway?”

“It was nothing.”

Gavin folds his arms over his chest, smirking. “Uh-huh.”

“Okay, we might have ended up chasing someone into an alley by the fire escapes and landed in a dumpster.”

Gavin can’t help himself, he bursts into laughter. “How the fuck did you two end up in a dumpster?!”

“It was Wilson’s fault, okay?! He is horrifically clumsy, I don’t know how they let him carry a gun. He might shoot himself holstering it or something! He landed too hard on one of the landings and tripped and went right over, so of course I’m like ‘fuck the perp’ and try to grab him but… well, I had too much momentum too and we both went over.” Connor starts shuddering when he ducks into the shower and it’s still too cold for him. Moments later, it switches to scalding hot, and then ice cold. “Ugghhh!” he screeches. “Fuck, why did you flush?!”

“Sorry Darlin’. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Connor is appeased by the fact that a few months after they’ve moved in they still hang out while one of them is in the shower, or shaving, or taking a dump or something. It makes heat rise in his cheeks and he grins a small, happy smile.

Gavin slips out to their bedroom to retrieve the blasted wedding invite responses, and then he sits on the toilet lid to open them. “Hey, your college friend answered.”

“Which one?” Connor asks.

“Josh Parker, I think. Bringing a plus one.”

“Did I tell you he’s a physics professor now?”

“Yes I know, you came up around a bunch of fucking nerds, you fucking nerd.”

“You’re the one that asked to marry me, you’re going to have to put up with it now.”

“You started it.”

Connor shrugs, but Gavin can’t see from the other side of the curtain.

“Kenny says he’s bringing a plus-one too? The tinder girl?”

Connor groans. “Oh, him. I almost forgot about her. Why did you have to remind me?”

“Because you’re going to have to play nice at the wedding. What the fuck has been going on with you two?”

“I’m like 80 percent sure that the girl he’s talking to is actually someone completely different.”

“Eww. Creepy.”

“Yep.” Connor pops the p in the word and finishes scrubbing all the stink off himself. “He doesn’t want to hear it, but literally everything he says about her is suspicious. I’m really worried that he’s falling for her and she’s some sort of creep.”

“Aww, Darlin’…”

“If I find out I’m right, can you help me hide the body?”

Gavin snorts. “Detroit’s chock-full of places to hide a corpse, Darlin’. We’ve seen some of the more creative ones, too. You don’t need my help to think of something. What you need is an alibi.”

“Fuck,” Connor panics, “you’re right. If I have to kill her, you and I drove home together, okay?!”

“We always do, Darlin’,” Gavin says, amused. His smile drops off his face when he sees the name on the next envelope. “Hey Con?”

He immediately swipes the curtain open, reaching for his towel. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

“It’s… Adam’s invite. He responded.”

Connor’s face lights up. “Well what does it say? Open it!”

Gavin’s fingers shake a little bit as he opens the small envelope. Connor reads it out loud. “Congratulations! I will be attending. Number of guests, two. Preferred meal type, vegetarian or vegan. Gav. He’s coming!”

 

* * *

 

The rehearsal dinner is reserved for their family and their wedding parties, which are extremely small. Tina Chen, Gavin’s partner, has become his fast and steady friend and agreed gleefully to stand for him. Kenny is here, on leave from his base in Maryland to stand for Connor.

It’s in the city in the private party room of a restaurant. Kenny sits confidently (but notably alone) in his seat designated with a card that reads, _Standing for Connor Anderson: Kenneth J. Anderson_ in fancy, swirling letters. His seat is right next to Connor’s. His father’s seat is on his other side, and after that, family seats aren’t designated. Opposite him is Gavin’s best friend, a short, asian woman with long, black hair. Her card reads, _Standing for Gavin Reed: Tina Li Mei Chen._ Next to her is a card that says, _Parent of the Groom: Rose Chapman_ , which also hasn’t been filled yet. He decides to stand up and look for the woman, wanting to introduce himself.

It’s Gavin that ends up introducing her. “Mama Rose, this is Kenny, Connor’s brother.”

Mama Rose is easily 8 inches shorter than him and has to look up to see his face. “You look just alike!” she exclaims, laughing heartily and wrapping him in a bone-crushing hug. “The boys are always talking about you,” she muses. “How are you, Kenny? Tell me about you.”

Kenny decides that he loves her pretty much instantly, especially because, when he tells her he’s in the Navy, she reaches up and pats his cheek. “Of course you are,” she says. “Had to be one of my boys to be in the military. God bless you, Kenny.”

“Aww,” he says patting her hand, “that’s very sweet, Mama Rose. Thank you.”

“I know you say you’re basically an underpaid engineer but glorified mechanic, but you be safe, okay?”

Kenny snorts. “I sit in a base office at a computer. You tell that to these losers, they see more action than I do!” He points at Gavin who promptly flips him off.

“Stop it, both of you,” she admonishes.

Gavin and Kenny both break into laughter. “Sorry, Mama,” Gavin manages. Kenny turns on the charm, folding his hands at his back and tipping his head. “My apologies, Ma’am,” he says, thickening his accent just a little.

Mama Rose isn’t phased at all. She rolls her eyes. “I bet you only say Ma’am when you’re in trouble,” she grouses. They all laugh again.

“Have you seen your brother?” she asks Gavin.

Gavin shakes his head, his face falling. “I haven’t seen him come in,” he says. Mama Rose wraps him in a tight hug.

 

* * *

 

He's standing in the muggy summer air outside of the restaurant, watching some old guy watch the people come in. The street lamp makes his white hair glow orange and casts his shadow right at Adam's feet. Occasionally, he says hello to some of them, but otherwise, he ignores the group. “You know this is a private event, right?” 

“I’m aware. What, am I under-dressed?” The man snorts, takes a flask from his breast pocket, and hands it to the man standing in front of him. “You look like you need liquid courage.”

The younger man takes it without question, taking a long pull, reveling in the burn in his throat.

“What the fuck’s wrong with ya?”

“My foster-brother. This is his wedding. I haven’t seen him in almost twenty years and—fuck, what am I doing here? I fucking hated the kid, he always got me into trouble. Now it turns out he’s marrying a dude—which is cool, I guess, but I’m not used to any of this.”

“You’ve never been to a gay wedding?” The older man takes the flask back and takes a long swallow, too.

“Who are you, again?”

“Right, introductions.” He screws the cap on his flask. “Hank Anderson. the ‘dude’ your foster-brother is marrying is my older son, which makes you Adam Chapman.”

The younger man frowns.

“Cop,” Hank explains, pointing at himself. “Lieutenant detective. Been on the force since before you were thought of, kid.”

“Is he… is my foster-brother going to be okay with that guy—your son—then?” Adam asks this timidly, not really sure what to say now.

“They’re happier than you and I are, I’ll tell you that.”

“I’m married too,” Adam says, defensive.

Hank smiles wistfully. He unscrews the cap and takes another drink. “Not like this, kid. Trust me.”

“What the heck is the difference?”

Hank pats the step next to where he is sitting in front of the restaurant. “Tell me about your wife,” he says.

Adam sits down in the proffered spot. “She’s a doctor. She treats kids in the pediatric emergency room. She loves piano and reading. Her name is Mila.”

“You told me about her job, her hobbies, and her name and you didn’t smile once.”

“We’ve been married for ten years and I don’t have to smile at you when I talk about her because I smile at her when I see her.” He frowns. “I didn’t invite Gavin to my wedding. Why the hell did he invite me to his?”

“Because he hoped you’d come?” Hank says, his voice telling the man he thinks it’s obvious. “Look, kid, whatever happened when you were younger, maybe it’s time you let that go. Having a brother, even a makeshift brother as foster siblings sometimes are, is better than nothing at all. Gavin wants you here cause he wants to share with someone he perceives as a brother still, or clearly he would have just shredded your invitation.”

“But… but I’ve been a horrible brother. I haven’t bothered about him in years.”

Hank snorts. “If you’re here it’s because he’s willing to forgive you. Besides, according to you, he was a little shit too.”

Adam breaks into a laugh. “You’re right.”

“You know, when Kenny turned 17, he signed on to the Navy and all, and he took off without telling us he was leaving. It devastated Connor.”

“Wow, really? Why would he do something like that?”

Hank shrugs. “Long story. The point is, Kenny and Connor were estranged and angry at each other for a while. But in the end, they are brothers, and the way they care about each other won out over all that anger.”

“Do you really think… do you think that’ll happen to me? I said awful things about him--to my friends, to my parents. I made sure everyone I knew would know that I didn’t want him to be my brother.”

“Well how do you feel about him now?”

“I… I want him to be happy, I guess. I wish I hadn’t been so harsh.” Adam’s shoulders sag. “I don’t know what to do to make it right,” he whispers. “After all this time… how do I do that?”

“Well, this is a good start, don’t you think? Being there for him in a crucial moment of his life, like getting married, is kind of a big deal. And again, he wouldn’t have invited you if he didn’t want you here.”

“Are you sure he didn’t just do that for Mom’s sake?”

Hank snorts. “Have you met Gavin?”

Adam laughs. “Point taken.”

“Get in there, then, don’t keep them waiting.”

“What? What about you, aren’t you coming?”

“I need liquid courage too, kid.”

“What? Why?”

“I needed a drink,” he says.

It takes a moment for Adam to register the meaning behind the apparent repetition. “Oh,” he says quietly.

“I don’t want them to see me drink, it hurts them. Especially Connor.”

Adam reaches his hand out and Hank places the flask into it. He takes a short swig and says, “well, worse than drinking is drinking alone.”

Hank snorts. “Cheers to that. You’re alright, kid.”

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, the party hasn’t started yet when they walk in, side by side, joking and laughing. Kenny notes that both Connor and Gavin’s shoulders sag with relief when they do. Hank pulls the younger man right toward them, which Makes Connor’s eyebrows pull together in confusion.

Gavin’s reaction is different though. He swallows, and before anyone can say anything, he wraps the older man in a tight hug. “Thanks for coming,” he whispers.

Adam’s throat tightens as he returns the embrace. “You mean it?”

“Sure,” Gavin answers, confused.

“But I…”

“I know. It’s alright now, okay?”

Adam nods. “Maybe we can have a fresh start.”

“I would like that,” Gavin whispers. Out loud, he says, “Hey Darlin’, this is my brother Adam. Adam, this is Connor.”

Connor glances between them for a moment, adorably latching himself on to Gavin’s arm as he glances between Adam and his father, too. Having assessed the situation sufficiently, Connor unwinds himself from Gavin’s arm and wraps Adam in a tight hug. “I’m very happy you’re here, Adam,” he says.

Hank doesn’t say anything, wandering off with a wide smile on his face. He might have lost a son a long time ago, and God, nothing and no one can replace Cole. But there’s something soothing about the fact that now he’s gained two more sons. He knows he’s going to have a giant task ahead of him now, making sure that all four of his boys are happy. In order to do that, there’s something he has to do first.

He goes to the bathroom and empties the flask in the sink.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Lieutenant Dad coming through for the boys at wedding <3  
> he might be a Drunk Lieutenant Dad, but he's a good dad.
> 
> pff you guys, this has taken forever and i'm honestly not all that satisfied with it. [huffs] if you see any typos or things you hate, or things you love, let me know! I would love to know what you think.
> 
> So, there's only going to be an epilogue left in this, it may come in one or two parts, idk. their first time parachuting will be part of it, and so will their first wedding anniversary <3 incoming fluff and smut alert, we're gonna end this with a bang ;)
> 
> Once again, thanks for making it this far! You guys rock  
> <3Daisy


	17. Epilogue: Connor and Gavin's First Day Married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> of course you can take the boys off the job, but you can't take the job out of the boys. When things go sideways in the most terrifying of ways, they get to be partners one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course this is what I write when I'm traveling *sweats*  
> First Epilogue involves Connor and Gavin entering into crisis literally less than 24 hours after their wedding you've been warned lmao
> 
> Hey thanks for sticking around this long! Thanks for loving Policeman!Gav and Policeman!Con as much as i do. they're so freakin fluffy <3

**** They seem to be in a bubble with thick, thick walls that keep the outside world far away. There are no sirens here, no perps or robberies or chases. There are no family issues or arguments between friends. There isn’t even any sound except for the barely-audible puffs of air between them.

They are just laying together now, half-asleep after exhausting each other in the best ways. Connor had been the one to call it a night even over Gavin’s protests. He’d dragged the older man into the house and slammed their bedroom door shut, mashing their lips together before Gavin could get out a word. 

Now it’s 3am. The reception and after-party died down several hours ago, the lights in the enormous field shut off, the catering and seating taken apart and hauled away. 

Gavin breathes, pulling his fingers through Connor’s hair, reveling in the charged, elated silence that has surrounded them.

Connor lays on his chest in contentment, his field of vision moving up and down slightly in time with Gavin’s breaths. “Will you tell me again, Gav?” he whispers.

“What? Again?”

“Yes, Gav, tell me again.”

“Which part?” Gavin asks with a chuckle.

“All of it.”

Gavin takes another slow breath. “I have yet to be as pissed off, to have my buttons pressed so fucking precisely, by one human being in my entire life, as it happened when you put salt in my coffee the first day we worked together. But you put me in my place and I think I loved you for it.

“I have never felt so utterly proud to know someone as I was in the first year we were partners. The more I knew you, the more I loved you.

“You, falling for me, loving me too, it’s the biggest blessing, the greatest accomplishment, the most significant thing that has ever happened to me. I promise to live up to that love, that friendship, and that pride every day until I die. I promise to love you, cherish you, support you, and spoil you through every challenge we have together. I promise to be the best partner you’ve ever had and wanted, to watch your back and hold your hand. Every day. Forever.” When he was saying those words earlier today, in front of everyone and his mom, Connor’s gaze had been steadfast, his grip firm. But Gavin? he was beyond nervous; his throat kept clogging up with emotion, his voice kept cracking. His heart was thundering in his ears. His hands were clammy, his fingers shaking as they clutched at Connor’s. What if he forgot the vows he wrote? What if he fucked it up somehow?   

Now he think he could start and end every day of his life saying the same oath over and over again  _ to his husband _ and never complain. It was ridiculous to think he would ever forget the vows he made to the best friend and partner he has ever had and wished for. “I love you,” he ends, feeling a surge of triumph like lighting in his veins.

“I love you too, Gav.”

“I know, baby.”

3am ticks into four, and then five, and then more. they doze off a little bit, but they don’t let go of each other until it’s absolutely mandatory for them to get up, shower, and get ready to go to the airport.

Gavin feels like he is high, wading through some kind of alternate reality that exists underwater and he can have everything that he’s ever dreamed of and then some. He keeps his hands on Connor’s skin as often as he can… in the shower, one palm rests mischievously on his ass cheek; at the breakfast table, he keeps one hand firmly around Connor’s even though it means he has to eat with his non-dominant hand. While they wait for their ride, he keeps Connor’s body tucked against his, his palms warm over the skin of Connor’s back under his tee shirt. Connor will literally never protest being cuddled, even though Gavin gets a questioning look or two.

The truth is, he’s kind of afraid he’ll wake up, come down from this high, and wake up in his shitty apartment never having even known Connor at all.

Finally, in the car, Connor asks, “What’s with you?”

Gavin shrugs. “I just… need you.”

Connor brings Gavin’s left hand up to his lips, his brown eyes so bright with joy as he kisses Gavin’s hand, palm to fingertips and then knuckle to knuckle, pausing briefly on Gavin’s fourth finger. “I’m here,” he says quietly. “I’m so lucky I get to be here.”

“It feels like a dream,” Gavin blurts out. “This feels like some kind of crazy shroom trip or something.”

Connor arches an eyebrow. “What do you know about shroom trips?”

Gavin snorts. “Nothing, Darlin’ trust me.”

Connor laughs. “I don’t know what’s coming, Gav, any better than you do. The only thing I know now is that we get to find out together. Speaking of which…”

“I’m not telling,” Gavin interrupts.

“Aww, come on! I’m going to find out at the airport!”

“The only thing you’re going to see on that airplane ticket is a layover.”

“Gav,” Connor whines.

“Con,” Gavin warns, but it’s too late.

Connor’s eyes widen and his lips draw into a pout. “ _ Daddy, _ ” he whines and Gavin gives up.

“The layover is to Minneapolis. Then San Francisco for a week...”

Connor’s eyes light up. “Really? You always wanted to go there!” Connor bounces in excitement in his seat, look for all the world like a little kid who just got told he was going to Disney.

“Then we’re going up to Seattle where we’ll take a cruise to Alaska.”

Connor freezes. His jaw drops, and his face blanches. “Gav…”

Gavin smiles a little. “I wanted to surprise you with the cruise…”

“I…”

“I love you, Darlin’.”

Speechless, Connor stares at his husband. “Is this… is this because I took you skydiving?”

Gavin bursts into laughter. “No, Darlin’ it’s because I love you and you said once that Alaska was on your bucket list.”

“But…”

“Just shut up and let me take you somewhere you’ve never been before.”

“I… but…”

“You are happy, aren’t you?”

Connor nods, but now his eyes are shiny wet. “Gavin…”

“Fuck, I broke him. Married for one day and this happens. I want a refund.”

Connor finally breaks into laughter. “I’m--fine, I just… thank you. Gavin, thank you.”

“Always, baby.”

* * *

 

The flight is delayed two hours. They’ve wandered the entire airport already, Gavin still in full spoiling mode. They’ve eaten lunch, had drinks, eaten a  _ ton _ of candy and snacks, and bought each other the most ridiculous book titles they could find in the news stands. Now Connor is curled into Gavin’s lap, fully snickering at the story he’s currently got his nose buried in, his earbud in only one ear. “This character is…”

“What?”

“This book is awful.”

“You’re still reading it,” Gavin laughs.

“I’d rather be doing other things,” Connor leers. He pouts when Gavin just shakes his head.  Gavin pulls his fingers through Connor’s hair slowly, pulling him closer. They rest on each other quietly. Connor puts the book down and falls into a light rest, somewhere between sleep and wakefulness.

“Gav?” he whispers

“Yeah, Darlin’.”

“My phone is dying. Can you hand me my charger?”

There’s an awkward shuffle as Gavin digs into their backpack without trying to jostle Connor out of his lap. When he retrieves the charger, he hands it over victoriously. 

Connor groans as he has to stand to plug in his phone across the way. As he stands around, waiting for his phone to charge, Connor scrolls through his twitter and his instagram, smiling brightly at the pictures and well-wishes still being posted, categorized under the hashtags they’d made for their wedding, _#ReedLockedItUp_ and _#CuffedbyConnor_. Those had started as a joke, Connor and Gavin laughing themselves into a heap as they joked about all the police puns they could make in their vows.

They didn’t put the puns in their vows but they had each encouraged their friends and family to use their own hashtag, somehow turning this into a competition of whose “side” would tweet about them more.

So far, Gavin is winning, only because Mama Rose made an instagram account for the express purpose of posting the billion pictures she took of the whole event, spamming her #ReedLockedItUp pictures all over everyone’s timeline. 

Kenny is making up most of the difference just by himself, including old pictures of the three of them together that he never posted, captioning them with best wishes for them, as well pictures of their Cuffed by Connor party which was the bachelor party that Kenny threw for him and their cops-and-robbers themed pre-wedding party which they’d had in lieu of a traditional bride & groom wedding shower.

Their enormous guest list just used both hashtags, amused to follow the friendly competition. Connor is confused to find a tweet from _@markman_1_ saying, “Best wishes to the best person I’ve met. Cheers to your happiness _#CuffedbyConnor_ ”. 

When he returns to his seat some time later, he finds Gavin dozing in his seat, his hands limp in his lap. Connor can’t help himself. He moves Gavin’s hands to his hips and plants himself in Gavin’s lap, kissing him awake. “Gav, you’re snoring,” he teases.

Gavin groans, happy with the placement of his hands but not very happy to be waking up. “You snore more than I do,” he grumbles, but he meets Connor’s lips happily.

“Not in public,” Connor says with a chuckle.

“Fuck you,” Gavin snorts. “What time is it?”

“They just announced that boarding will start in twenty minutes. Cuddle me.”

Gavin chuckles and rearranges Connor in his lap, holding him close until their section is called to board. In front of them, a girl asks, “how long have you guys been together?”

“Like ten hours,” Gavin says, at the same time Connor says, “I’m not sure but I think two years.”

The girl looks at them like they’re both crazy, and they collapse into a fit of laughter, Connor wiping away tears while Gavin wheezes to try to control himself. “We got married yesterday,” Connor explains. “We’ve been dating for a long time but neither of us agrees on our anniversary date. I tell him February but he insists it wasn’t until April of two years ago.”

“Oh,” the girl chuckles. “That’s… kind of cute. Congratulations on your wedding, that’s really sweet.”

“Thanks,” Gavin says, kissing Connor’s temple.

The girl turns to hand in her ticket to the lady and goes through the gate, but someone else cuts in front of Connor, shoving their ticket toward the person scanning all the tickets. “Excuse me, I’m with her,” the lady says flatly. Connor smiles. “Go right ahead, Ma’am,” he answers politely.

The lady huffs and stomps through the gate. Gavin is the one that has to sit close to her, and he’s much more of an asshole than Connor is. The girl from before rolls her eyes at the woman Connor presumes is her mother. The woman huffs. “ _ Those _ people are not people you want to be around, honey,” she hisses, too low most for other passengers to hear over their bustling. However, being right across from them, Gavin hears clearly. “Stop arguing with me and get in the window seat.”

Gavin pulls Connor’s hand onto his thigh, high enough to make any onlooker uncomfortable. “We should ask to switch seats Darlin’,” he says. “ _ Those  _ people are not people you want to be around.”

The girl snorts to hold in her laughter and the woman goes red in the face. Connor smirks and looks out the window. The woman and her daughter switch seats.

Connor is pink but fully entertained by Gavin’s comical retelling of their love story, leaning adorably into his shoulder as he tells the girl across the aisle all about their adventures as partners against crime and then partners in life, and the rest of the flight passes by until it’s almost time to land.

When they don’t land, right away, Connor looks around suspiciously. “Gav,” he says under his breath.

“I know, babe,” he answers under his breath. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

They wait. 

Half hour goes by. Then another.

Gavin notices the rest of the cabin starting to get restless and suspicious. The captain announces that they’re having a delay to their landing. Connor grits his teeth. “The strip is clear, I can see it,” he whispers.

Gavin lays his hand on Connor’s leg.

Finally, the captain issues more directions, and both Gavin and Connor stiffen, as does the rest of the cabin. They’ll descend onto the tarmac, and the stewardess will give the order to brace for impact. They will do their best to achieve a smooth landing and then the passengers will all wait to be disembarked by emergency services.

Gavin and Connor press their foreheads together, smiling. “Whatever,” Gavin mutters, “it’s not like we haven’t almost died before.”

“Shut up,” Connor huffs, but he chuckles. “We’d better talk to the stewardess,” Connor says, pulling back and turning around. “If there is a crash landing the people will panic.”

Gavin straightens. “You’re right.” He flags down one of the staff and pulls her down until she’s right next to them. “I just wanted to let you know that we’re at your service,” he tells the lady. I understand that it might get complicated during evacuation. Connor here and I are both officers with the Detroit Police and we’re ready to assist with whatever you need.”

“I.. oh. I thought you were newlyweds.”

“We are,” Connor says with a chuckle. “We met on the job.”

The stewardess stands and nods. “Thank you. We’ll need all the help we can get.” She looks around and walks toward the back of the plane, and then back toward them. “The people at the emergency seats are unsure about their ability to open them. Would you be willing to trade?”

Connor looks at Gavin and swallows, but then he meets the attendant’s eyes. “Whatever you need.”

Gavin grips Connor’s hand tightly for a moment, and then they stand. They take a moment to get in the right headspace. When they were partners as police, they had plenty of harrowing situations that required them to split up, to save people, to save themselves or each other. They’d never been through anything like this before, though.

Gavin takes both of Connor’s hands. “We keep our eyes and ears open. We watch each other’s six. We work this like any emergency.”

Connor responds, “We will not let what we are take priority over these people. They all have someone to go home to the way I come home to you.”

Gavin nods. “We will not let what we are cloud our judgement and we will not act on instinct.”

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

They trade to their new seats and wait. The ride itself seems pretty smooth, and neither of them sees any fire or smoke or something else horrifying, so they suspect that the issue is something else.

It isn’t until they are moments away from landing that the flight attendant yells, “BRACE! BRACE! BRACE!” that Gavin wonders why he doesn’t hear resistance from the wheels.

The screech of the metal sliding across pavement at top speed is so loud that Gavin can’t see. He can feel the plane slipping toward the left, and he’s horrified that it might cartwheel and the fuel in it could ignite. It doesn’t stop, even after the pilots attempt every way. The sliding continues for what seems like ages. 

Connor squeezes his eyes shut and breathes harshly, trying to keep himself from pure terror as the screeching abruptly stops, but the plane keeps sliding. He can taste the smoke and the awful smell of burning tarmac under the sparks of a terrifyingly out-of-control aircraft. One spark in the wrong place will light them up and that will be the end of it... a piece of dry grass, a stray drop of fuel. Total destruction.

He doesn’t want to die. He wants to have his happily ever after with Gavin.

He breathes.

The plane tips dangerously as it grinds to a final halt. Connor immediately sits up and looks over at Gavin, who is already searching to meet his gaze. Once both have confirmed that they are alright, they help the stewardess calm the frantic, panicked motions of people struggling toward the doors. They work together to clear the area around the plane, making sure there’s no fire or any dangerous debris, and that the emergency services are already coming. Connor’s side has debris from the plane he thinks could be dangerous, so they work together to open Gavin’s side of the plane.

“Go down first and help everyone that comes off get clear.”

“Copy.” Connor goes down the slide and helps down a flight attendant, and then Gavin and another staff help people, women with children especially, and older people, onto the slide one or two at a time. The woman who had been so disapproving earlier casts Gavin a frightened, grateful look as she disembarks, her hand trembling violently in his as he helps her onto the slide.

Down at the bottom, Connor and the other stewardess help the people get away from the plane, sorting those who might be injured from the ones that are relatively okay, and helping panicked people find their family or friends. 

It’s easy for them to get back into their old sync. They treat it almost like one time where they responded to an accident involving a coach bus, a car, and a guard rail. That memory is vivid in their minds as they work, Connor having also been the one to evacuate people while Gavin cleared the bus. Connor had dealt with traffic while the fire department and EMS set up triage. They’d worked for hours that day.

Now, between them and the two flight attendants, they manage to clear the entire plane in only a few minutes. 

Gavin searches the plane one last time, coughing at the acrid smell filling his nose and mouth, and then he and the flight attendant make their own exit. Gavin goes straight over to the injured, where Connor is checking people and doing his best at first aid. There is one concussion from someone who didn’t brace properly, a possible broken bone or two, and some busted lips and the like, but nothing serious, thankfully.

The plane does catch fire. The firemen are already on it before it can explode, and thankfully, no one at all is in danger. 

Connor and Gavin stay until airport police take over, and that is when Gavin pulls himself tightly against his husband and sighs in relief. Connor clings to him tightly until the fire department directs them to the airport.

* * *

 

They’d been on the news. Their interview was playing back on every channel in San Francisco and all over twitter that night, over headlines and captions like “newlywed policemen are the heroes in an air accident” and “Police heroes in air crash are on their honeymoon” and other things. Their bodies are pressed close together in the video, their remaining anxiety from the incident still plain in the way that they touch.

_ “But you were off duty! You just got married!”  _ s ays a reporter, as if in protest to the idea that their honeymoon could have so easily been cut short.

_ “Just yesterday,”  _ Gavin agrees.

_ “How does it make you feel to be part of an emergency like this?” _

_ “Par for the course,”  _ Connor chuckles.  _ “Gav and I went through it as partners in the city. Detroit is beautiful and it’s our home, but it tested our skills and our trust and partnership time and time again. We always made it through.” _

_ “Are you still partners?” _

It’s Gavin who raises Connor’s left hand to his lips.  _ “I vowed it,”  _ he laughs.  _ “We aren’t partners at work anymore. In a way, we got to give our time as partners a proper send-off today. It’s finally the end of an era for us.” _

_ “Yeah,”  _ Connor agrees.  _ “And the start of a new one.” _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter! next up, their first anniversary.
> 
> thanks for hanging on this long! I love reading what you guys have to say so pls leave a kudos and a comment right down underneath here. I always try to answer each one!
> 
> y'all are beautiful   
> <3Daisy


	18. Epilogue: Connor and Gavin's First Anniversary (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Gavin are celebrating all of their firsts today. Some are painful, and some are happy. But all of them have brought them to where they are now, happy and in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *starts out cackling and ends out sobbing* this had over 5 thousand words in it so I split it into two sections.  
> This part of the epilogue does not have (that much) smut in it but part two does. smut alert! for the second part of this epilogue and also for the very first tiny like 100-word section of this epilogue. you can skip it, if you want, just go to the first little line break thingy. 
> 
> This is it guys! I can't believe this is happening rn lmao. Thanks so much for sticking around. I love you all.
> 
> funny that this is basically coming out in time for the first anniversary of the actual game. Happy first birthday, DBH!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this sweet, heartbreaking fluff that I have shed many tears of fluff over. I have tissues if you need them.

Connor is exhausted and sweaty, his mind blank and his entire body trembling. He makes a sound that’s a lot like a moan mixed with a “hnngggh” as he comes again, color exploding in his vision before there’s darkness again. 

“Are you going to tell me now?”

“No,” Connor whispers as his muscles release.

“Darlin’...”

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Connor says, pushing Gavin onto his back and laying on top of him. “You’re welcome to try again later, though.”

“Hmph. This method of interrogation isn’t very effective on you.”

Connor laughs. “I’m pretty worn down,” he says quietly. “I bet you could ask me anything except for that.”

“Hmm. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about being married?”

“That’s easy. It’s like being partners all over again. Except it’s 24/7.”

Gavin laughs. “Fair enough.”

“Gav?”

“Hey, sexy.”

“Happy anniversary. I love you.”

“Happy anniversary, Con. I love you, too.”

Connor waits for Gavin to be asleep. Letting him wear himself out trying to get information out of Connor about what his gift would be only served to guarantee him extra time to put it together. When Gavin’s breaths deepen and slow, he slips out of bed and into the shower.

* * *

Gavin wakes up late. He hates it and he is pissed that Connor’s already awake. This is off to a bad—

“Con? Hey Darlin’ did you turn off my al… what’s this?” where his alarm is, there’s a post it. Connor’s random-caps handwriting, printed neatly on the sticky pink square:  _ I love you, Daddy. _

Gavin has to allow himself a laugh. The note is identical to the one Connor left on his breakfast years ago, the morning after the first time they made love. There’s breakfast this time too, he can smell it.

Feeling much more optimistic about the day and looking forward to breakfast with Connor, he practically skips to the shower, still hardly daring to believe this is his life, even after a year of marriage.

Things have changed since they moved in together. Connor is pretty insecure about arguments, but that has actually led him to work on controlling his own temper when they fight, and thus, Connor's insecurity has lessened and even their fallouts are less severe. Connor also has helped him figure out things about himself he didn't realize triggered him. Over all, he is a better person for knowing this man, and he is a happier person for being his best friend. Now that they’re married? He’s pretty sure they could change the course of the entire history of the world.

Skip-hopping down the last of the loft steps, he realizes immediately that the entire apartment is empty. “Wh—Jupe? Cosmo? Anybody?” Where the hell is Connor and what happened to the cats?

He does see the breakfast table full of food, but his skin is prickling. Something is happening and he needs to figure out what.

He checks his phone first but finds nothing there from Connor. He pokes his head into the kitchen next, actually looking at the food. The breakfast is homemade but the coffee is from 7eleven. There are flowers on the table too, deep red roses and pretty pink ones whose petals fade to pure white, interspersed with carnations and baby breath. Gavin smiles at the arrangement, taking out the card and grinning widely as he reads it:

_ To my true and everlasting love _ _   
_ _ thank you for everything you do. _ _   
_ _ Here is your first clue: _ _   
_ _ “We are all in the gutter  _ _   
_ _ but some of us are looking up at the stars.”  _ _   
_ __ \- oscar wilde

_ I love you _

First clue? Connor had been planning this for weeks, and Gavin had tried a thousand different ways— spoiling him, sulking at him, sexing him up, but nothing had gotten the younger man to spill the beans on what was going on. Now a gift hunt?

Well, Connor has always loved a good mystery. He sits down to eat (and gingerly tastes his coffee to make sure there’s no salt in it—It’s clear now that Connor bought this to commemorate the first time they ever met) and turns the clue over and over in his mind.

The first time Gavin took Connor home to his foster mom’s house, Connor found out he had an old telescope and dozens of star charts. He explained his home life growing up, which was finally calmed when Mama Rose took him in. As a foster kid, he’d been hungry, alone, neglected, ostracised, and undervalued until Mama Rose gave him a home to be free in. Tavon, Mama Rose’s husband, gave him his first telescope, and it is still his most prized possession on earth. “When you’re feeling down, son, look up,” he had said.

The telescope had been basic and fit on a shelf, but it was still enough to spark his obsession with stars.

Connor found this out during hours of stargazing at Mama Rose’s house… maybe he should go there? That seems right but he still has no clue what the gift could be. He decides to keep Connor in the loop about where he is in this puzzle too, and so he sends a quick text.

_ thanks for breakfast~ I love you too. off to mama rose’s for my first clue. _

Connor’s response is a simple heart emoji and a little wink.

It takes a little over an hour and a half to reach Mama Rose’s—almost lunch time, which pretty much guarantees him a fantastic lunch. Mama Rose crushes him in a hug and tells him Connor had requested a special anniversary lunch (at least he was right about driving all the way out here) and to go wait for it to be ready.

He goes into his room, intending to take a short nap, but he freezes. After a few moments of pure shock, he takes out his phone. “A fucking Celestron? Are you out of your goddamn mind?!”

Connor laughs. “You like it?”

“It’s… beautiful. Connor, I… I don’t even know…”

“Go play with it,” Connor laughs. “It’s strong enough that you don’t have to fight light pollution too, so you can even take it home if you want.”

“I don’t even… God. You’re…”

“I love you too, Gav. See you soon?”

“God yes,” Gavin breathes.

Connor chuckles. “Okay, baby.” 

After he hangs up, Gavin forgets all about his nap and starts going through the accessories and instruction manual, positively nerding out as he explores his brand new, state of the art telescope and all of its settings.

It isn't until he tries to start using it that he realizes the next clue is on the side of it on another pink sticky note. 

_ to my forever _ _   
_ _ I can’t tell you how happy I am that you are my lover,  _ _   
_ _ but I have our whole lives to show you  _ _   
_ __ and I will…

_ despacito. _

He’d been annoyed by that song until Connor played it. Gavin remembers the feeling that washed over them as they danced that night. It was a rogue wave, tall and violent, of pure elation and joy. Gavins hands on Connor’s body kept him from drowning, and Connor’s free laughter and loving brown eyes made were his life jacket. They still are sometimes, when the thing that happens to want to drown him is stress, trauma, or anger. Connor keeps him afloat and he loves him for that. 

_ The time they danced to this song was the first real time they ever said, I love you. _ It hits him like a strike of lightning that that is what the clue is about. Gavin had said, “I love all of you” and he still meant it. 

He still isn't sure where he’s supposed to go. The vivid image of the furniture pushed out of the way in his apartment and sitting on the couch in his dining room while Connor gave him a lap dance basically is deleting his thought processes.

_ not sure where I am supposed to go from here~ _

_ what is your gut instinct? _

_ I guess to go back to my old apartment. _

_ ;) _

Okay. He’s not sure what he is supposed to do at his old apartment, but he thanks Mama Rose for lunch and drives back into the city. He drives to his old complex listening to the radio station they always used to listen to on patrol, and he decides to call in and send a little donation and shout out. Connor texts him while he’s still driving to say thank you.

When he gets there, he awkwardly climbs the steps to his old apartment, hoping he won't have to knock on a stranger’s door. Instead, he finds a plain envelope attached to an assortment of artisanal coffees outside the door. 

Fully expecting to choke up now that he knows what Connor’s love letters are like, he doesn't read the letter until he is safely in his car.

_ Gavin, _

_ It’s not enough to say that the last year has been the best of my entire life. I don’t think there are words in any language to describe how much better I am for the way you love me.  _

_ You are truly special. No one on earth or elsewhere can compare to your honesty and your strength, your integrity and your determination. Look how far you have come! You are an inspiration to the people around you and I admire you every day. I’m so proud of you and I’m so proud to get to call you my best friend and my husband. I’ll do my best to live up to this incredible honor for the rest of our lives. _

_ You give me company and attention and I never feel lonely. You give me time so mine is never wasted. You give me love so I know that I am truly needed. You give me strength so I am never weak. I want you to know that what I give you today can never compare to all you’ve given me, but I want to give it to you anyway. Know that even though I might not always show it, I am fully aware that you give me your everything and I am always and truly grateful. _

_ One year down, infinity to go! I love you so much and I always will. _

_ -Connor <3 _

_ P.S.: here is your next clue _

_ I thought we were over that day, so soon after we’d gotten together—you proved me wrong and you helped me build my confidence in myself, in you and in us. Thank you. _

Gavin wipes at his face with his sleeve. Connor  _ worships _ him. It’s insane to think that a few years in, Gavin still sees stars in Connor’s eyes when they meet his. Gavin, a foul-mouthed city boy with a shitty past and no fucks to give until Connor came around, Gavin who joined the force as a last-ditch effort to make something of himself after managing to make it out of high school but age out of the foster system with no plan B. He’d been drawn in like a moth to Connor’s brilliant light, even when that light was dimmed by the circumstances that led Connor to the police force, namely Markus.

There was only one day he ever felt he had done or said something bad enough to put that light out, that ever made him panic because he was genuinely afraid that he’d ruined their relationship. The very first of their very few blow-out arguments when they first got together had been truly devastating for him and for Connor, who had mistaken Gavin wanting to set a work boundary as more of the shenanigans that he was subjected to in his previous relationship.

They’d made up in Connor’s apartment well after 3 in the morning, and—

Connor’s apartment? It is only several blocks away, a ten minute drive at most. And since it seems like Connor’s taking them through a tour of their entire relationship, this seems as good a bet as any.

He texts Connor where he’s headed and ends up there a few minutes later, face to face with Connor’s old door and another letter. He tucks that into his breast pocket to read in the car and turns to a pink post it that reads,  _ “you told me you wanted to shout it from the rooftops. Now, you can.” _

He makes his way to the roof where he finds a megaphone. He can’t help himself, he laughs. He peers over the edge of the roof, barely managing to catch the flop of shiny brown hair being shoved out of the way by a hand as the person in question looks up. Laughing again, he says into the megaphone, “HEY DARLIN’” in the cheesiest voice he can manage.

Connor almost falls over on the sidewalk, cackling. “You’re going to do it, then?” He yells back.

“I TOLD YOU I WOULD IF I COULD! NOW I CAN, SO I WILL.”

“Go for it, then,” Connor says, gesturing to the pedestrians and traffic with his hand.

Gavin clears his throat, and shrill feedback echoes onto the street below. “CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. MY NAME IS GAVIN REED AND I’M IN LOVE WITH THE BEST PERSON ON PLANET EARTH AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND. HE’S SMART - A NERD, REALLY - AND BEAUTIFUL, AND KIND - NICER THAN I’LL EVER BE, ANYWAY - AND FUNNY AND ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I’M SO LUCKY THAT I MARRIED HIM. HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY, DARLIN’.”

Connor is still laughing, but now his cheeks are flushed adorably as several people stop to stare between him and the lunatic at the top of the building, some even getting their phones out to record the moment, coos and awws mixing with some chuckles and stares of confusion from the few people on the street. A car beeps at Connor, giving him a thumbs up.

“THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, EVERYONE. I DOUBT YOUR DAY IS AS GOOD AS MINE, BUT I HOPE IT COMES CLOSE.” The megaphone screeches again as it cuts out. Connor doubles over laughing again, and in the moment, he looks so absolutely beautiful and young and carefree that Gavin can’t help the smile that spreads on his face. He cuts the megaphone on one more time.

“HEY CONNOR?”

Connor looks up, surprised. 

“I LOVE YOU.”

Connor’s brilliant, loving expression is one that Gavin will remember when he is old and gray.

When he gets back outside on the ground, this time, Connor is already gone. In the car, he opens up his letter and starts to read, still grinning from ear to ear.

_ Hey, Gav <3 _

_ Thanks for never giving up on me. You get me through it all - all my self-doubt, all the times when I wish the ground would just swallow me up, all the times when I’ve felt worthless. You are stronger than you know, and you make me strong too. You make me brave. _

_ Do you remember when we had our first Christmas together here? It was magical—not because of presents or because of dinner. It’s because we had so much laughter and love… I think that’s the first time I realized just how much you know and respect me. You are truly the best gift I ever could receive. Thank you for caring about my life, even the most random of details. I’m so incredibly fortunate to know you and love you back. _

_ -Connor. _

_ P.S.: You can keep the megaphone, but if you use it to wake me up, I’m going to toss it over the balcony. _

Well. There goes that idea.

_ P.P.S.: here is your next clue: 759 Chene St. _

Gavin arches an eyebrow, but he trusts Connor, so he puts the address into his gps application without much thought, relieved that he doesn’t have to think his way to a conclusion on this clue. The address isn’t familiar at all, and he has never really been in that area except for on patrol.

When he gets there, though, he freezes, his whole body suddenly doused in ice water and lit on fire at the same time. He has to focus in order to inhale on his next breath.

_ “GUN!” _

_ Pop-pop—and a screeching of tires—pop-pop and then pain, and then black.  _

He drives to the corner where they’d pulled that car over, parks in the same spot he parked the patrol car. He found out later on that Chloe Kamski had been pregnant at the time of the carjacking, a mere 10 weeks along. It had made his nerves zing anxiously when he heard it, but nothing still makes his blood run cold as much as that flash of sound and pain in his memory.

He hauls in a deep, slow lungful of air, releases it. Inhales again. Exhales. Connor didn’t bring him here just to give him flashbacks. This moment was one of the most important in their history. It made it very clear in both of their minds that they couldn’t live without each other. It led to their engagement and, as a result, their marriage. This stupid corner of Chene and East Lafayette led directly to Gavin getting married to the only person he knows he can never live without. He gets out of the car and stands where Connor stood, where he  _ fell.  _

And when he stands there, he smiles.

There’s a Claddagh drawn adorably crudely in chalk there. A pink chalk heart held in between two blue hands and a yellow crown sitting right on top. Gavin takes a picture of it, smiling to himself. 

Someone taps his shoulder and he jumps, his hand going straight to his belt as he turns around.

“Whoa! Hey, hold it, man, don’t shoot! Holy shit!”

Gavin removes his hand from his gun but turns to find a young guy, probably in his early twenties, holding an envelope. “Uh… can I help you?” he asks, confused.

“Yeah. I’m supposed to give this to Gavin Reed. Before you ask, if there’s like Anthrax in there or something, I don’t know nothin’ about that. Some guy gave me fifty bucks to hand it to the person that stood right here on this drawing, said your name would be Gavin Reed.”

“Oh. Uh, thanks, kid. Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s nothing bad. No cops are gonna come looking for you or anything,” he adds with a sardonic chuckle.

“What? How do you know?” At the mention of police, the guy looks around suspiciously, his eyes so wide they might fall out of his head and get run over by oncoming traffic.

“Because,” Gavin says with another laugh, “the guy that sent it to me is my husband and he and I are both cops.”

If the man could turn pale, he would. As it is, he looks like he might pass out—from shock or relief, Gavin isn’t sure. “B-but we’re cool, though, right?”

Gavin pulls out his wallet and hands him ten dollars. “Consider it a tip. Thanks for your help.”

The guy yanks the tenner out of his hand and practically runs for his life.

Gavin laughs and sits down on the curb to open the envelope. Inside, there’s yet another love letter and two sets of vouchers—a pass for two on a hot air balloon, and a date night to the local observatory to see the stars.

_ Dear Gavin, _

_ I know you hate thinking about this. It was a truly dark and horrifying moment, each of us afraid that we’d lost the other, each of us realizing that what we do could end in a sacrifice of ourselves or each other. _

_ I am trying really hard not to think of it that way. I like thinking about the time we spent healing together instead—limping around and commiserating, watching movies and ordering out every day because neither of us could cook, waking each other up from our nightmares—getting to know each other in a different way than we had in the past because we suffered together.  _

_ I think that was a defining moment for us, being able to push each other forward through it all. It was what made me completely sure that we could make it through anything marriage could throw at us. It made it so easy for me to tell you that day, exactly one year ago— _

_ Thank you for being the sort of man, friend, leader and lover that I always dreamed of. I promise to learn from you and with you, to walk by your side, love you and defend you in every circumstance life gives us—sickness or health, famine or wealth, happiness or sadness, greatness or madness, bright days or darkness. I know that I can and will be with you through it all, never wavering to even think of someone else. How could I when all I need and want is you?  _

_ I have loved you more than I could ever tell you in just one day, but that’s why I’m here to swear you a lifetime. Thank you for being mine. I will always be yours.  _

_ I love you. _

_ -Connor _

_ P.S.: would you like to go on a date with me? _

Gavin wipes at his face as he reads through the letter. Reading through Connor’s vows in this place is like shining a search light into pitch blackness. He certainly isn’t dwelling on the sheer terror of the moment anymore. In this letter, Connor has showed him how to look beyond horror and to the future, promised him that they can make it through anything. Connor has given him a power and control over this moment that he never had before: he has proof that they are stronger for it— stronger together.

He takes out his phone but he doesn’t text. He calls instead. “Con?” He sniffs.

“Aww—Gav…”

“God, I love you, Darlin’. So fucking much.”

“I love you too, baby,” Connor whispers. “You okay?”

Gavin sniffles hard and wipes at his face with his sleeve. “Better than ever. You have no idea what you’ve done for me here.” 

“You deserve all of it.”

“Thank you, baby. Thank you.”

“Come see me, I miss you.”

Gavin finally breaks into a laugh. “What? You ran off before I could kiss you after the megaphone! And you miss me?”

Connor laughs. “Fair enough.”

Gavin sighs, pushing himself to his feet and turning back to his car. “You are a treasure, Connor. I’ll see you soon.”

“Go home first,” Connor chuckles.

Gavin smiles. “Meet me there,” he answers. “You’ve been giving me things all day. Now it’s my turn.”

 


	19. Epiogue: Connor and Gavin's First Anniversary (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin has his turn at giving Connor things, which is his favorite pastime. Also, they go on a date and get a hotel room cap of the celebration ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if the lenny face wasn't enough notice, here is a hart !SMUT ALERT! for euphoric first-anniversary sex. reader discretion advised.

At home, Gavin carefully retrieves the gifts out of the car. He has to load the elevator in several trips but manages to get everything up in one piece.

Connor is already waiting, a curious sort of happy expression in his eyes. “What’s all this?” he laughs, helping to unload the elevator. 

“For you, Beautiful,” Gavin answers. That earns him a pretty pink blush and a kiss on his cheek that makes him grin widely.

It isn't until they get everything inside that Connor noses around. There’s a large, flat box, another box, bags from the pet store? And three gift bags.

“Dig in, baby. This one first.” Gavin hands him a red and silver bag that contains a white box, which Connor takes but promptly pushes them toward the couch so he can sit in Gavin’s lap. Gavin keeps his lips on Connor’s temple after that, sometimes trailing kisses from there down to his cheek or across to his forehead.

Connor opens the bag to find a brand new Apple watch and a sleek, shiny, gunmetal gray wristband for it. Connor had been admiring the thing for weeks on his laptop, and Gavin, of course, takes note of everything he likes with keen attention to detail. 

Gavin also hands him the second, and there he finds a set of leather bracelets, some of them containing little charms. The first is a police badge. The second is, of course, a Claddagh. There’s each of their birthstones and there’s a little charm of a beaker, another of a microscope. Connor kisses him happily and slips the bracelets on the opposite wrist of his new watch.

The third gift makes Connor’s eyes water. “Gav—you didn’t!”

“Says the guy that spent at least a grand on a telescope!”

“I—but that’s different!”

“Really?” Gavin asks, grinning and raising his eyebrow. “How’s that?”

Connor sputters for a moment before he huffs. “Fine,” he gives up, and Gavin bursts into laughter.

“You’re welcome, Darlin’.”

After that, Connor digs into the plastic bags from the pet store, fully expecting something cat-related. Instead, he finds… figurines? A treasure chest, a huge rock full of holes, a sunken ship… there are lots of plants too, live ones. 

He bolts upright. Glances over the couch at the boxes--one reads, “THIS SIDE UP 20 GAL AQUARIUM and the other reads “AQUARIUM STAND WITH STORAGE”--then up at Gavin, eyes wide. “I… you didn’t.”

“You’ve been reading about it a lot, lately. I thought you might like to have one.” Connor, science nerd though he is, only recently took an interest in aquatics and fish. Gavin’s youtube feed is spammed full of videos about the ocean, fish tank tutorials, and documentaries on specific kinds of fish. Likewise, their bookshelf is being overrun by dozens of books on the topic. His web tabs are full of scholarly articles and more fish tank tutorials  _ and he never closes any of them. _

Connor stares at Gavin for a long moment before searching the other bags: fish food, filter options, more books on setting up freshwater tanks, and… and fish. Receipts from breeders where Gavin ordered fish. From  _ breeders!  _ God—that means that Gavin has been researching this for weeks! Going through all of Connor’s tutorial videos and articles, reading up on fucking aquatic plants, which fish to pair together in tanks and even ethical breeders and how to find them. Gavin put care into every detail of this gift.

Speechless and moved, Connor buries his face in Gavin’s shoulder, pulling himself as close as he can, clutching his fingers into Gavin’s shirt.

Gavin wraps him in a tight embrace, smiling. “You’re my world, Darlin’. You’re my everything. I’m glad you’re happy.”

“I can’t…  _ thank you  _ isn’t enough.”

“How about a date then?”

Connor pulls himself closer, but nods, his cheeks pink.

“Adorable,” Gavin mutters. “Okay, let me up.”

* * *

 

They’re in the hotel restaurant where Gavin insists they had their first real date. Gavin had showered and shaved and then wandered into the closet to find a garment bag with a pink Post-It that said, “ _ I don’t have a crush on that guy >.< _ ” on it. Gavin rolled his eyes and yelled, “yes you do!” out the closet door as he pulled the suit out of the bag.

That had started them bickering all the way to the restaurant, where they were fully involved in an argument about whether or not Benedict Cumberbatch was hot throughout most of their appetizer and laughing so hard that they had to hold their sides. By the time their dinner came, they were warm from wine and laughter, both of them leaning toward each other, offering teasing touches or interlocked fingers. Gavin fed Connor most of their carmel mountain again, his pupils widening with each little sigh of pleasure and tiny sweep of his tongue on the spoon.

For his part, Connor was vaguely aware that dessert is always a turn-on for Gavin and that this was no different, but he hasn’t really attempted to process it until Gavin wipes a spot of brownie off his lip, causing him to automatically lick it. Gavin shifts uncomfortably in his seat and Connor realizes that he’s been sighing and moaning and licking for the better part of ten minutes and promptly turns bright red.

“Oh, now you’re embarrassed?” Gavin asks, his voice low. “You shouldn't be. You know what you do to me. And now this whole restaurant knows what  _ I’m _ going to do to  _ you  _ the second we get home.” 

Gavin’s hand lands high on his thigh, and Connor whimpers. “We’re… not?” he squeaks. “Going home, I mean? I… Gav—”

“Tell me,” Gavin purrs.

“Got us a room for the night,” Connor wheezes as Gavin’s fingers start teasing, just lightly brushing over the growing bulge in his pants. “Figured we shouldn’t drive after all the wine…”

“Or you couldn’t wait for me to ruin you,” Gavin whispers.

“Or that,” Connor says helplessly. 

“We should get to our room then, Beautiful.”

Connor pouts, realizing that he’s been distracted. “I want to eat my sundae.”

“So do I, Darlin’,” Gavin leers. He still keeps giving Connor spoonfuls of dessert, alternating bites between them until it is all gone. 

They check into the hotel quickly after they finish, Connor’s hands wandering and Gavin’s lips exploring until they have to concentrate on opening the door.

The second their through it, Gavin attaches his lips to Connor’s neck, who already has half of Gavin’s shirt buttons undone. They practically tear off each-other’s clothes off, if either of them is honest.

This is going to be frantic, lust fueled by elation and euphoria, heat created by affection and desire. They’re going to burn, but at least they will together. 

They’re naked almost as soon as they are inside. Connor reaches down to stroke at Gavin’s pulsing Cock and gets a love bite for his effort, and Gavin kneads and nudges at Connor’s perfect ass until Connor is pressing his ass into the touches, seeking out Gavin’s fingers.

Both hard, leaking, and desperate for more, they land in a heap on the bed, legs tangling and hips bucking, obscene sounds ripping from Connor’s throat as their bodies grind together. Gavin’s hands seek out Connor’s own now, and their eyes meet. 

Both suddenly frozen in the moment, they can’t do anything but look. Gavin looks and sees his best friend, his soulmate, his puzzle piece. Affection balls up painfully in his throat, and he swallows around it so that he can breathe.

Connor’s searching eyes find answers he never knew he wanted, find his past, present, and future, find absolute truth in Gavin’s eyes: the sun exists, he needs oxygen to live, and Gavin  _ loves _ him. It’s suddenly so overwhelming that it makes him shake. “Gav,” he whimpers.

“I’m here,” Gavin whispers.

“Gav, I love you.”

Gavin smiles. “I know.”

Their gaze stays locked when Gavin pushes into him and their hands stay clasped tightly together as their bodies move, driven by love and lust, and emotions a million times bigger than this bed in this hotel, bigger than this city in this state, bigger than everything.

Well, except for maybe Gavin’s cock which is tearing Connor deliciously to shreds. Connor feels himself burning now, consumed by Gavin, by his body, by his overwhelming care manifesting in every kiss, by the unending devotion spilling from Gavin’s eyes, the crushing joy that fills hime the way Gavin is filling him as they come together.

When they finally come down, sweaty and messy and still tangled together, Gavin whispers, “and this was just the first anniversary.”

Connor bursts into laughter. “Yeah, how are we going to top this?”

“We have like 80 years to try,” Gavin answers, nipping at Connor’s earlobe.

“Only 80?”

“100?”

“A thousand,” Connor pouts.

Gavin laughs. “An eternity.”

Connor’s answering smile will probably shine even longer than that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cut and Wrap! hopefully I did better than game of thrones S8 *cackling to sobbing again*
> 
> You guys, thanks so much for reading this. it means the world to me. Thanks for sticking around through my inconsistent a posting schedule and thanks, most of all, for all your kudos and supportive comments.
> 
> If you want more of these two, be sure to check out what I'll be posting over in the [Navy Nines AU](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1270358) where Connor is going to be helping his baby brother navigate the world of online dating? hoooboy.
> 
> If you wanna hang out with me I can usually be found being silly in Bryan Dechart's twitch discord, or in my channel of yellow LED [here](https://discord.gg/axJa2rA) or posting updates to my stories around in various discord servers, where you can find me as daisypwrites.
> 
> As always, if you see a typo don't be afraid to tell me i did a dummy lmao, and be sure to drop a kudos and let me know what you thought of this. 
> 
> you guys rock  
> <3 Daisy


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